My 2 year battle to try to keep our home

joedenise

Hi @Tiredbutdetermined, I've just read your diary.  I think it's wrong for your solicitor to suggest that you sell up when you have fairly young children.

However I think they are old enough to understand that money is very tight and so maybe the things that you don't want to cut because it impacts the children needs to be discussed with them and explain that every penny saved means that they're more likely to be able to stay in the family home.

I like @Honeysucklelou2's idea of starting a new "tradition" for Christmas like the croissants.  

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Savingtomove

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  

I had a messy divorce (no children) and I agree with what others said about your solicitor.  I would just make the offer you are prepared to accept and then sit tight.  He can rack up all the legal fees he wants and you can keep sending the same offer.  That’s what I did in the end and he ended up offering something I was happy with in the end.  His legal fees far exceeded mine.  

I also had the affordability issue on the mortgage but in the end they accepted because I had a year showing I had paid it with out his income.  It went to underwriters and I sent a copy of a budget sheet and bank statements.  

Hope you have managed to enjoy Christmas despite it all!

enthusiasticsaver

There is no guarantee that your ex can force a sale within that time period.  I would focus on paying off as much of your debt as possible and getting a  savings buffer behind you and hopefully eventually you will find a lender who will let you take the mortgage on in your own name.  I do not think that is good advice to sell at this point and effectively make you and your children homeless if renting is expensive in your area.  Sounds like they are working more for your ex than you. You may need a broker. 

binao

fatbelly said:

It's not that easy for a sale to be forced in your circumstances

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_married_joint_homeowners


You have protections under TOLATA 1996

Be careful what you agree to. Not sure I like the sound of your solicitor.

Agree with @fatbelly . Selling, YOUR ""roof over your heads" could lead to insecurity for evermore.  

Your solicitor would also most likely act for you in any sale.

Good luck. 

Spendless

Hi, welcome to the boards.

Personally I'd be very wary of making overpayments on your current mortgage in order to fetch equity to the house. That is joint owned, you might find you've overpaid only for your ex to benefit from half of if. I know it was a concern flagged to another lady on these boards recently, who is a similar position of needing to be able to afford a mortgage on her own.  Pay off the debts in your name instead as a priority, then take it from there in building savings

I would also make it crystal clear to your solicitor that you are not prepared to be moving and potentially disrupting the kids education at this critical point in their lives. As an aside my youngest due to school issues had 3 different schools in yr11. Now 18, she is doing ok despite it not because it didn't affect her. It's not something I'd recommend unless there's no choice and not for the reasons you detail. By my calculations I make your kids currently yr 7 and yr9 - is that correct? If so, I would say the very earliest you should be looking at selling up and moving away if you need to is 4.5 years from now, which would put your eldest ones through sixth form and your youngest one about to start. The reason I wouldn't suggest earlier even though sixth form choices can be very varied in availability of courses and what child wishes to study, is due to your youngest one, so they are able to stay at their current school until at least they've sat their GCSEs. 

Shineyhappy

I would consider seeing an independent mortgage broker to see if there could be another bank that you could move to. 

is there anyone who could persuade your ex to give you 6 months or ideally more to get on top of finances without huge solicitors fees for the sake of stability for the DC? Stress to them that you are keen to divorce amicably but the way you and ex are doing it is only beneficial to the solicitors. I know it’s a long shot, but maybe he could be persuaded by his DP or a mutual friend just to pause?

Suffolk_lass

Well done for taking control and well done for starting a diary on here. I hope my comments are challenging but thought provoking. There is a piece of you that needs to be quite cold and calculating now, if you are to keep your home and your children on side. 

Finances first. I agree that making overpayments on your current property is a no-no at the moment. For two reasons; one is joint names on the property, and two, he is making maintenance payments so his legal team can argue he is contributing to those payments.

For me, the financial priorities would be

• Your three listed debts, paying down and off the highest interest one first, and if your credit rating is improving, consider shifting some/all to a 0% credit card with low/no fee once you get to that point. Martin's email last week suggested a 35 month duration with 2.4% fee from Virgin - you may not be eligible for that deal but you could check (using his eligibility checker). This will give you a breathing space in which to make minimum payments while paying down remaining debts and building reserves.
• Thing two is an emergency fund this is important so you have escape money available if it all goes wrong
• Thing three is to build savings. This is for your long term future too.

I agree with the position others suggest regarding selling and if this is the advice from your solicitor it is just wrong. Are they a specialist in family matters? I would be looking to change solicitor as they are not putting your needs first. Or if you must stay with them, set out very clearly that you want to accrue minimum legal fees and your position is that you should be allowed to stay in the house until the youngest is through sixth form. And you want a formal separation between the point when he left and stopped contributing to what you have paid on your own (keep careful accounts). I do not know if your ex and his legal team  need to be aware of this - if not, say nothing but make sure your legal representation is representing you, not themselves or their fellow solicitor.

 - and I don't know (someone on here will) if the maintenance money he is paying for his children can be designated as contributing to their upkeep, not that of the house - so it is clear that you are incurring all those expenses (which will help with affordability tests, when you come to apply for a mortgage in your sole name.

Your children will not thank you if you cushion them from the impact of their father leaving. The older two, in particular, need to be in the know about the approach you are taking and why. You need to be a team (they might tell their father stuff but that is a good thing) - they don't need to hate him but they do need to understand what and why you are doing things. You don't need teenager rebellion. I am not suggesting their privilege entertainment products go, but they need to know why you are keeping them and may offer one or both up.

You won't be thinking about this, but if you meet someone else - please be tenants in common with the % ownership set out in the proportion of your home you buy together and be aware that if you live together in someone else's house it gives you no rights to any of their goods and chattels - as @Watty1 knows to her cost.

Tiredbutdetermined

Thank you for all the comments.

It is really reassuring to hear that so many of you are not convinced by my solicitor. She seemed great on our first meeting but the fees are getting ridiculous for so little progress. She seems to be convincing he that 2 years is fair and reasonable, which it isn’t! 

I have previously stated to her that I am happy with a timescale of 4.5 years so the twins would be at the end of 6th form and my youngest would be between y11 and 6th form but she responded by showing me there were 2 houses to rent in the area at the same cost of my mortgage so I have sensible options. One rental property disappeared the same day, and the other later that week so the rental market will be too fast paced in this area for me trying to sell and move. The moving costs and rental deposit would be yet another barrier.

My ex and his solicitor have tried to state that at the point of sale the equity should be shared despite the fact that by their two year plan I would have created that equity myself with 2.5years of sole payments. I am not in a position to, but if I were, there is no chance I would overpay on the mortgage if there is any chance of me further lining his pockets.  I have had to replace the boiler this week too so I am the one paying upkeep, not him.


I have a lot of debt in my name but am nowhere near maxed out to my limits and have no defaults. My affordability isn’t great but my credit rating is very strong so balance transfers might be a possibility but I am wary of the impact of new credit on my credit rating to take the mortgage.

my ex is being a fudgestick about pension values. His pension transfer value is £50,000 more than mine but his solicitor claims that is a nominal amount so suggests a clean break there!!! In all honesty, I don’t care, the difference is from my maternity leave and time part time when the kids were babies but my pension is pretty decent and I still have many many years left to work! However, his solicitor calling £50,000 a nominal amount whilst trying to force me out of my home just makes me stroppy.

I need to try to find a decent financial advisor as I know they probably can’t do anything for me now but hopefully they can advise me of the best way forward and help me further down the line.

My ex and I tried discussing things without solicitors but he just wanted to manipulate things to his benefit and mediation was just going to be more expense for more of the same. I wish he would listen to my point of view but it involves putting the kids above himself and his girlfriend so that doesn’t work for him.

Buffythedebtslayer

I don't know anything about divorce or children etc but I do know about renting, your solicitor is an idiot if she thinks renting is just the same as a mortgage and that you can easily slip in to a rental, it is rubbish trying to find somewhere decent to live that isn't a rip off and the owner won't suddenly decide to sell up from under you. Plus once you are on the renting path owning a house is tricky as  it all so expensive! Sorry I am sure you realise this - hence fighting for your house but if she doesn't then what hope is there?? You do have a right since you are paying fees to ask for what you want. She is supposed to work to get it, not have you end up in a !!!!!! situation. 

I honestly think you need a new solicitor. I would either ask friends? or more controversially ask on local group on FB? they are a mine of information, you might be able to post anonymously and people will recommend someone.   I wonder if there is anything from the Citizens Advice bureau, like a list of recommendations? for people near you? 

Tiredbutdetermined

Feeling rather groggy this morning but looking forward to next week when my January budget starts. I have cut back massively on spending but haven’t actually had a budget! I have no idea how realistic any of my figures are so I worry I have tried to go too low. 

I was scraping by with my direct debits as they were but I have managed to reduce a couple do I have kept the list as it was so I can just transfer the difference to debt.
January is never easy financially but I hate this stage where I have January’s pay too early. I wanted to just hide it from myself into my savings until the end of the month but I have a tiny £250 overdraft I end up in at the end of each month so it doesn’t make sense to use the overdraft when the pay is there. I just need to ensure I don’t use more than £250 of it before NYE.
it is my mum’s birthday on NYE do I need to buy and send a present. If I don’t do this sooner rather than later then I will end up costing myself a tank of petrol on delivering it! 

I have been invited for drinks with some ex colleagues at the end of the week but I am not sure I can justify the train and cost of good/drinks. It just feels a bit self indulgent

I am doing a rather pointless PAD to my credit card by rounding my current account balance to the nearest pound (wish I could afford to do more!) so today’s whopping payment is…..……

…….32p