My 2 year battle to try to keep our home

Tiredbutdetermined

@Savingtomove I asked for a breakdown but received a confusing spreadsheet that still didn’t break the costs down. I am going to email in the new year with my bottom line response to his requests and tell my solicitor I want to streamline contact to minimise fees.

@CRANKY40 We had the house valued in May and the valuations came in at £175k-£180k. My mortgage is currently £176k but was £177k when he left. 

The house is a mess due to the ex’s shoddy DIY and lack of upkeep so I think if it went on the market for £180k offers would be well under. I have just had the boiler replaced this week for £2300 so I agree I need to document like a crazy lady to ensure he has no claim. 

Honeysucklelou2

Have either of you got as far as completing a Form E? That would show clearly the assets and liabilities of each party ( assuming that both complete it and file statements)  and can be used to help negotiate a settlement.

Did you have any kind of introductory paperwork when you first used the current solicitor that gave an hourly rate and potential time frame? 

Brie

Mortgage and equity....I'm glad you had the house valued at about the time he left.  I would then use that as a line for a value for your ex as he's no longer paying the mortgage or upkeep.  That way if it goes up in value over the next 2 - 5 years it's your increase in value not his.  I would have a spreadsheet to track all the other maintenance issues like the new boiler to further reduce his portion. Obviously his solicitor will argue against this.  And others may have opinions about how practical it is as well.

Pensions - I hate it when people say "oh it's just a nominal amount".  Well if it's just a nominal amount then he shouldn't mind paying it!  past experience in pensions tells me that there were be transfer values requested for both your and his pensions.  The difference is often split and a partial transfer done to the one with the lesser amount.  And this costs money.  So maybe he can keep his pension intact but you get even more equity in the house when his name comes off the mortgage.  And the split won't necessarily but at a half way point in between if it's deemed that you have lost out significantly due to being female and therefore the one on mat leave and going pt due to looking after the children.

binao

Tiredbutdetermined said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I don't know anything about divorce or children etc but I do know about renting, your solicitor is an idiot if she thinks renting is just the same as a mortgage and that you can easily slip in to a rental, it is rubbish trying to find somewhere decent to live that isn't a rip off and the owner won't suddenly decide to sell up from under you. Plus once you are on the renting path owning a house is tricky as  it all so expensive! Sorry I am sure you realise this - hence fighting for your house but if she doesn't then what hope is there?? You do have a right since you are paying fees to ask for what you want. She is supposed to work to get it, not have you end up in a !!!!!! situation. 

I honestly think you need a new solicitor. I would either ask friends? or more controversially ask on local group on FB? they are a mine of information, you might be able to post anonymously and people will recommend someone.   I wonder if there is anything from the Citizens Advice bureau, like a list of recommendations? for people near you? 

I am starting to feel much the same but have over a thousand pounds still to pay to the current solicitors on top of the thousands I have already paid. I think I need to go with a strongly worded email stating what I want and need. If she can’t support that then I need a new solicitor. I guess I am very alone in my situation so I think I have taken her suggestions to be reasoned and fair, which I truly don’t think they are.

I don’t know if I am confusing the situation by desperately wanting the mortgage in my own name too but I know I am not currently an attractive prospect to mortgage providers but in time I will be. I just don’t feel the 2 year time scale will be manageable but 3 years could be and 4 years certainly would be.

@Buffythedebtslayer is so right. You need to keep the house. That is your independance and security.

Many years ago, with mortgage rates far higher than now, we let rooms for B&B. The kids loved it.

I'm also wondering how much of your debt is caused by the thousands in fees you have already paid. 

All fees need to be justified.

More good luck.

Tiredbutdetermined

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Have either of you got as far as completing a Form E? That would show clearly the assets and liabilities of each party ( assuming that both complete it and file statements)  and can be used to help negotiate a settlement.

Did you have any kind of introductory paperwork when you first used the current solicitor that gave an hourly rate and potential time frame? 

I don’t know about a form E but we have done our assets, liabilities and monthly finances.
Her rate was £200 an hour but she emailed last month to let me know she was increasing to £225 an hour!

Tiredbutdetermined

@Brie I am not sure the house would gain any value over the next couple of years but the mortgage payments should bring some equity.

I am glad I am not overreacting by being annoyed by the nominal £50,000 difference in our Cash Equivalent Transfer Values. I am lucky to still have a good pension and I wouldn’t undo my time out/maternity leave/part time as that represents my awesome small people. Shame my ex can’t see that!

Tiredbutdetermined

@binao I wish I could blame the debt on the solicitors but it predates the ex doing a runner so I can’t! I honestly don’t know what the money was used for but I have to now take accountability and deal with it all.
I don’t know anymore what makes a good or bad interest rate for a mortgage but mine is 4.38% so pretty sure it falls firmly in the latter category!
We have no spare rooms to let out but that does sound like fun, maybe once the twins have gone off to uni

Brie

Tiredbutdetermined said:

@Brie I am not sure the house would gain any value over the next couple of years but the mortgage payments should bring some equity.

I am glad I am not overreacting by being annoyed by the nominal £50,000 difference in our Cash Equivalent Transfer Values. I am lucky to still have a good pension and I wouldn’t undo my time out/maternity leave/part time as that represents my awesome small people. Shame my ex can’t see that!

The point though is it may be ultimately up to some legal type to see that you should have more equity.  And that it's down to you, and not your ex.  Likewise the pension equity.  What you wouldn't undo and he can't see is (sadly) irrelevant.  It's all a money game.  I'm hoping you win. 

savingholmes

I got divorced this year - had a very amicable process and it still cost me £4K+

I would fight to keep the house - I bought ex out - and took at mortgage until I was 73.5 via L&C brokers to meet affordability.

I didn't think he could force you/the kids out until they were 18 but I have no legal expertise....

If you have had a long marriage you are likely to be entitled to half the joint pensions values. I had to give Ex a whopping amount of pension and pay him half the equity.

I wouldn't OP if he's going to get the value. I would clear your debt just to make life easier - but again it may depend on how your an your accounts before. On the form E you can only have £500 of cash... The other thing you can do if this is likely to drag on is try and get a separation agreement but I was told that could take 6 months - and I got divorced quicker than that. With hindsight I would set out in writing very clearly what you want from your solicitor. I wish I'd been firmer as I had too many chargeable emails that told me stuff I already knew. I had no face to face meetings.

HTH. You will get through this.

Spendless

I think emailing the solicitor setting out your position is a good idea. I can't work out if your solicitor is inexperienced/naive/idealistic or just lazy and useless.  At least when you spell it out that you won't be moving until the kids are through schooling and why renting won't work for you until they are, if that doesn't work either, you will know to cut your losses and look for an alternative solicitor. Expensive yes, but not as costly as it'll be in the long run if you continue with someone not putting your best interests first.