Separation advice please

carlsberggal

It's definately very sad when a marriage breaks down, mine did after 18 years though it was mutual. We are still friends and have only just got round to getting divorced two and a half years later- decree absolute in less than two weeks! He will calm down, he's just hurting at the moment like yourself and his only weapon to hurt you at the moment is money. Keep smiling you will get to the other side

Oggyoi

antronella wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your replies. Can't tell you how good it is to hear other people's take on this, and to hear from people who have been in similar situations. It is all so horrible..we are both mourning the loss of a marriage...but his reaction to it all is is in anger.

People react in different ways, my wife walked out on a Friday night, went to her parents. Sunday she rang an emergency solicitors number to make an appointment to file for divorce, she did this on the following Wednesday lol.

I am not sure if this is elegible, but have you looked at the possibility of legal aid ?


Good luck.

HHH_2

A lot of solicitors do a free half hour first consultation. This means you can shop around to find one which you feel you can work with ( very important in my view) It sounds very much like you will be entitled to legal aid. I think you should see someone sooner rather than later.

tallyhoh

If he tries to push for upkeep costs tell him you cant afford it & the best thing would be to sell the house & he can rent like you are. Other than that ask him to buy you out.

You really need solicitors advice here. Ask about for one specialising in divorce.

antronella

Oggyoi wrote: »

People react in different ways, my wife walked out on a Friday night, went to her parents. Sunday she rang an emergency solicitors number to make an appointment to file for divorce, she did this on the following Wednesday lol.

I am not sure if this is elegible, but have you looked at the possibility of legal aid ?


Good luck.

I am very sorry you are going through this, its horrible at any time, but christmas is especially hard. Good luck to you too x (..and I will look into the possibility of legal aid, thanks)

belfastgirl23

Just wondering, if the mortgage is now paid off, is your husband in a position to buy you out? It might mean taking a bit of a drop in terms of the value of the house and you would have to decide whether this was worth it just to get it over with. At the very least you would be able to feel that you'd tried to be reasonable and offer him a good option. But I do think mediation might be the best option for you both. I'm guessing the money discussions in the end are really about how you both see your future rather than simply about the money.

But in the meantime I'd seek legal advice re contribution to maintenance costs.

antronella

Belfast girl, you are right about it being more than money.Don't think he believed this was going to happen & think he may still feel i am going to 'come to my senses' Saw my daughter today & she told me that her dad had said he can't/is not willing to take out another mortgage for 100k when he has worked all his life to pay off this one. Says he will move into a flat, but not sure he means this. I am so scared of rocking the boat anymore i tend to just go along with things he says to keep the peace. I think i will have to wait till the new year to do anything cos I don't want to hurt everyone any more than they are already (kids included in this).

shell_girl

Hi antronella, sorry to hear you're having a bad time of it. If you're after some concrete advice I would suggest giving these a call-

http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

it's a legal advice helpline run by women for women. I've heard really good things about them.

Hope everything works out ok for you.

cat4772

Antronella

I'm sorry about this but !!!!!! Antronella. haven't you left him BECAUSE you are fed up of keeping quiet to keep the peace with him? He sounds like a right bully if that's how he negotiates (argue till she gives in).

Why not see the CAB as soon as possible (they'll be able to give you impartial advice and advice about what questions to ask a solicitor and whether you're entitled to legal aid etc)? See a number of solicitors and explain your situation. You might be better off posting in the relationships board as well to see if anyone has more advice to offer you.

Cat.x

tyllwyd

If you are thinking of seeing a solicitor, have a look at this website
http://www.resolution.org.uk/advice_centre/
With luck, you might be able to get this sorted out without having to go to court.