Separation advice please

antronella

My husband and I separated earlier this year, my decision..couldn't have carried on like we were. Anyway, I am renting a flat, he is still in our home, mortgage finished earlier this year. He earns almost twice what i do.Am I still responsible for paying towards maintenance for the house and building and contents insurance? ( I took virtually nothing with me and am trying to get furniture together gradually). I paid half of some roofing work a couple of months ago...to keep the peace really, but it seems unfair that he is living rent free in a house that I presume is legally half mine.

arnie&caseysma!

Sorry to hear this. Yes, depending on the circumstances, legally half of the house is yours (and all the contents within it and any other marital assets). I would advise you to seek some professional advice and sort it out sooner rather than later so you know just exactly what you are entitled to.
We sold OH house last year after he had been separated for over 3 years (divorce through but somehow the house hadnt been sorted). Even though she hadn't paid a penny towards the house and any of its upkeep we still had to give her some cash. Finally managed to get it agreed that they each got a nominal amount, I got the same amount of money back that I put in to make it saleable for a reasonable value, and the remainder of the money went into the marital debt (that OH is STILL paying off with no help from her). It was all sorted out through solicitors and I would suggest that would be the way forward for you too.

Good luck.

antronella

I have a feeling things are going to made as difficult for me as possible. We have been married over 20years and the mortgage has been in joint names for that time although its now paid off. Money is a real struggle right now and i'm not in a position to save much for my future. Its going to be difficult to pay my rent & expenses here, while being responsible for any costs for the house too. I will see a solicitor though, hopefully a free initial consultation.

Toto

Is he having a laugh? You are renting, he is living rent free in your joint house and he expects you to pay for the upkeep? I suggest getting legal advice and sell the house, you both get 50% of everything, which is what you are entitled to.

antronella

That is exactly my point...although when I said something to him about this he was very nasty and said because it my decision to go, it was my fault I have no money.I wanted to ride this out for 2 years and then hope he would agree to a divorce without a battle and more expense. There is no talking to him about this...and it ends with me believing he is right after all..(A very familiar story in the marriage).

Toto

It takes 2 people to make an unhappy marriage. He is blackmailing you and you are clearly not going to get him to see your point. You really do need to see a solicitor, if nothing else other than to use your free hour to have it confirmed that legally your husband is wrong. The divorce might be a bit more difficult without him agreeing but half of that house is yours and you should be able to use your half to start your new life.

rayday2

Legally speaking you start negotiations at 50 50 these days they send you for discussions with an impartial person ours cost £50 a pop first one free. There is no hard set rules you start at 50 50 and take it from there the impartial person will direct conversations.

Impacting the decision are factors like how long you were together, how much you both contributed, children etc

antronella

We have 2 children 20yrs & 18yrs, the youngest lives with him, the other lives independently away from home. I worked P/T from when youngest was 4. Everything was joint throughout the marriage, bank account, mortgage etc.

rayday2

Best thing is to go to a solicitor and they will start all the process for negotiations etc (pick a female solicitor - they are good with marital things) I left my husband in his house and rented its not a bad thing it was worth the piece of mind.

What you compromise on and settle on is your business I took a very small settlement considering he kept the house and all furnishings but my children were very young and I had to keep relationships sweet for there sake.

Pensions can come into the equation too again I choose to leave him with that but its all down to the pair of you and what you decide!

carlsberggal

Whilst you are both responsible for the upkeep of the house, you don't have to pay anything to him. My sister is in this position, her partner left her & two young babies, he's paid nothing towards the mortgage or the upkeep of the house for the past nine years, but when the youngest has finished full time education, he will be able to make her sell the property and he can get up to 50% of the value of the house that it is valued at then, not the price of the property at the time he last contributated towards it. You definately need legal advice. If you have no dependant children, am sure you can get your share of the money out of the property in the divorce. Looks like it could be a messy divorce but you can't be expected to live long term like you are

antronella

Thank you everyone for your replies. Can't tell you how good it is to hear other people's take on this, and to hear from people who have been in similar situations. It is all so horrible..we are both mourning the loss of a marriage...but his reaction to it all is is in anger.