Curbing the ridiculous

[Deleted User]

So MIL has upset me.  AGAIN.  

She had DC1 today which was nice of her.  I went to collect him and she told me about all the things he was unable to do at the place she took him to.  Then she said "well you planned it well that he was a september baby as a couple of weeks earlier he would be starting school this year and he is no way ready".

Then she said "he's not going to be a rocket scientist".

Then she intimated that he might end up at the school for children with special needs.  I have been worrying myself sick with all the assessments he's going through and re whether he will be able to be mainstream and be ok.  She KNOWS I am anxious and having sleepless nights over it.  It's as if she loves baiting me.

I hit back with saying his teachers at pre-school don't think he will need to be there and how they see him most days in an educational setting so they know best.  And I also said he's very intelligent and that just because he can't do certain things doesn't mean he can't do what he wants to do.

When we got home I held him tight and said to him that no-one can ever ever tell him he can't do anything or that he won't be anything - that he is amazing and can be anything he wants to be and that mummy and daddy will support him 100%.  How dare she.  

I am literally SO SO SO SO cross.

She makes out like she knows everything and is the authority on everything yet she's never done anything academically at all.  So how dare she judge my son as to what he may or may not be able to do academically.  How dare she say that IN FRONT OF HIM.

Amber1980

Oh my god you must be absolutely fuming x what is wrong with her?! As you say the absolute worst bit is saying it in front of him…..😟

[Deleted User]

*Delurking* you have my absolute sympathies regarding your MIL. Mine used to make regular unkind comments to me usually about myself and sometimes about my children. My DC2 had very delayed speech as a child. I remember her asking him a question, which he tried his very best to answer… her reply to him ‘what sort of a stupid answer is that”. He was 4 years old. She was never invited back to the house after that. 

My children are all now grown up and not one of them choose to have contact with her….somehow she doesn’t realise it’s all of her own making but thinks we’re a terrible family 😳 her loss not ours.

amanda_p

This is so so wrong on every level.As you say the nursery which he attends now will have a far better idea as to where he is at. If he is assessed as being on the spectrum, it will mean his brain is wired differently to others, it does not mean he won't achieve.
Your reaction when you got home is just lovely. He is a much loved little boy who will grow up knowing he is loved, that alone will lead to his achievements whatever they may be.

My youngest son was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate. My FIL thought this was the end of the world and he would be his exact words ' a cretin' as that is what his 1935 medical book told him.
He had many operations,speech therapy a bone graft from hip to mouth, plus 15 years with braces and orthodontic treatment.
He is now 33 and a Consultant Neurosurgeon. Such a shame FIL never saw the outcome!

I really hope you get the answers you need from his assessments, once you know what you are dealing with you will be able to form a plan and the way forward will seem clearer.
As for your MIL I would steer a very wide berth especially if all she does is compare your son to others whom she knows nothing about whatsoever. Perhaps a response to her would be 'didnt realise you had a medical degree to diagnose behaviours'.

Just hang on to the thought what you are doing is 100% right. Your son is lucky to have you, the love and encouragement you give to him is exactly what you should be doing with a 4 year old.  If she comes to lunch over Easter I would be inclined to add some extra salt to her portion!!

QueenJess

Ooh that would make me so angry saying it in front of him too. I’m indignant on your behalf..

WinterWarrior

Oh she is a cow….she said those things intentionally to bait you! 😡

badmemory

So I guess MIL is still standinig.  Congratulations because you really wouldn't want your DS to witness you killing his grandmother.  I am sorry to say that some people just can't help it, they are just well frankly unpleasant.  Their loss because eventually people don't want to meet them.  Give it a few years (not that many) & all you will get from them is oh do I have to?

carolbee

I’d be cancelling her invite at Easter, what did your husband say? Poor little lad to witness that. What an absolute lioness of a Mum you are, well done

stoplurking

Nope, that is not acceptable on any level. If she’s saying that about your little one to you, what is she saying when you are not there?  How awful for him to hear this from someone who is meant to love and support him with every breath she takes.  So glad he has a Mummy like you to cuddle and praise him for being the wonderful boy he is.  

HampshireH

No Easter lamb for the MIL.

In all seriousness that's awful. I can't believe she has said those things in front of him or actually even at all 

I agree with stoplurking what does she say when you aren't there if she is brazen enough to be so rude when you are.

I would also un invite her. However I wouldn't feel you have to spend a fortune on lamb for the whole family. It's not cheap as it is let along at Easter (commercial uplift) and for everyone.