The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

CRANKY40 · 15 December 2021 at 11:40PM

My great aunt (sadly no longer with us) from the age of 90 mostly ate cake and chocolate because she said that was what she liked best. It was also easy for her to help herself to although the occasional share of some fish and chips was acceptable. I'd say cook what you fancy and tell her she can have a snack backup like toast if she doesn't fancy it? The HT and I rarely eat the same meals. He loves pasta with lots of sauce and also pizza. I'm not a big fan of either of those but we do sometimes meet in the middle with lasagne. I like spicy food and the HT doesn't - I try and batch cook curry when he's not home because he dislikes the smell.

Your problem is a bit different though I think? You seem to be knocking yourself out to cook what your mum thinks she fancies and then she doesn't fancy it after all? That's one of my tricks - spending ages cooking, then plating whatever it is up, looking at it and thinking "I don't want that". I think your idea of just cooking what you fancy is the best way of reducing the food stress for you. If your mum doesn't take multi vitamins maybe get her a decent supplement (my current answer to losing my cooking mojo) and that will take the pressure off you to provide healthy meals. My doctor has just prescribed folic acid for me after recent blood tests. She also told me that it should be short term as I should be getting Vit B from green leafy veg. I did ask if she had a cure for "don't have the energy or inclination to cook" but there was no answer to that. There are a lot more food and eating issues floating around than you'd think. You're doing your best in a tricky situation, nobody could ask for more than that.

badmemory · 16 December 2021 at 12:01AM

CRANKY40 said:

Your problem is a bit different though I think? You seem to be knocking yourself out to cook what your mum thinks she fancies and then she doesn't fancy it after all?

Exactly, and this is a form of control. She is not going to starve herself.

Have you ever visited a care home? It is an education & I don't mean in a bad way, even the cheaper ones are not all awful. But those who have always wanted serving in their easy chair with not this not that & not whatever you actually wanted to serve, all sit at the table & eat their choice from a VERY limited menu, without a word of complaint & not because they are cowed either.

ETA All is fine until the kitchen is running late, then all hell can break lose.

peb · 16 December 2021 at 4:30AM

Hugs. I had the same issues with Mum but, as with Milan, I was only cooking a couple of days a week.so it wasn't an issue to cook things she liked. After she died I didn't want lasagne or risotto for a year!

Dad looked after her six days a week, I covered Monday (doing compressed hours) so he had a day to himself to go walking with his friends and have a pint or four, I did an evening or two here and there so he could socialise - in found that hard enough so you have my respect.

Buffythedebtslayer · 17 December 2021 at 12:22AM

Tonight I am really sad, one of my friends has her best friend in hospital, she was on life support, but they are switching it off today. It is covid. Of course it is covid.

I hate this situation (as do we all I know) We have such a stupid feckless government. The woman in hospital is in the US but am watching Question Time(love and admire Fiona Bruce) so am annoyed. I need to clear up and wrap a couple of things for work tomorrow.

I just keep thinking about my friend and her friend and her husband. They have all been friends for 40 years. The ICU. The lost of hope. The struggle. The absolute devastation.

I need to get up super early tomorrow. Last day of term.

XXXX