The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

Buffythedebtslayer

Well today I took house rabbit to the vets and they want him to see the specialist. 

Hmmm. I am crossing that bridge when I ring up tomorrow. 

Literally they just rung. Will cost a fortune. 175 for the consult. 

Ok. 

Also my friend is on ventilator. I can't remember if I said. 

Oh my God.  I can't even type about it I feel that scared. 

the_end_of_the_rainbow

Sorry to hear about your friend Buffy. Big hugs x

Buffythedebtslayer

So today I am sad for many reasons 

My best friend's mum is really ill. 

My friend is still on a ventilator. 

Afghanistan. 

The world in general. 

Mum didn't have a great day. We are both pretty miserable. I am worried about covid and going back to work and what the winter will hold. and she thinks this is her life now, I feel bad for her I really do and it  is my fault the house is a terrible mess and she can't sit in the conservatory. But it is her fault the house is the way it is, I have tried but I have noticed essentially I am so taken for granted here and I think that is why I am not motivated to do anything or be proud of anything.  I am so about external validation. I wish I felt I was doing to be part of something some future and that I am just in a holding pattern until..........well I don't know what! 

I don't really know. 

Today, it was help mum, do breakfast, go to the vets, go and get paving slabs.  come back nap, do my walk, buy bread beer and chocolate (major food groups covered) come back eat dinner and then tv. 

never saw the garden. 

XXX 

WinterWarrior

I’m also about validation. I was thinking about why I’m so unhappy currently at work and realised it’s because all my previous managers were always thanking me for anything over and above…this one doesn’t mention or acknowledge anything I do and I’m losing the will to bother! So I understand completely.

The shop sounds like a perfect list.
positive thoughts for you and your friends 🌺

[Deleted User]

I definitely hear you about external validation - often wish I had never felt so much need for it - I know I would have done a lot of things differently if it wasn't that way.

so sorry about your friend and the bun.

I don't know what to say re your mum as seems you are going round in circles with her.  I really do think you could do with some help with it all if you possibly can get any x

stymied

So sorry about your friend, Buffy 😥

Could you take a short cut on the conservatory and just pile all the boxes in the spare room? I know it doesn’t help long term, but for now it might make you feel better?

Honeysucklelou2

Sending virtual hugs Buffy...thinking of you. Hope your friend improves.

Buffythedebtslayer

WinterWarrior said:

I’m also about validation. I was thinking about why I’m so unhappy currently at work and realised it’s because all my previous managers were always thanking me for anything over and above…this one doesn’t mention or acknowledge anything I do and I’m losing the will to bother! So I understand completely.

The shop sounds like a perfect list.
positive thoughts for you and your friends 🌺

RebeccaPearson said:

I definitely hear you about external validation - often wish I had never felt so much need for it - I know I would have done a lot of things differently if it wasn't that way.

so sorry about your friend and the bun.

I don't know what to say re your mum as seems you are going round in circles with her.  I really do think you could do with some help with it all if you possibly can get any x

Thank you both for saying that. I wrote a massive post as I have realised something but actually think if I put it here it is too much for me to have "out there". 

Going to have a nice day today XXX 

mothernerd

Hugs buffy. Just lost a long post which I won't bother repeating (think I forgot which thread I was posting on part way through). I had an appointment with the Practice Nurse yesterday, ostensibly for my diabetic review but I wanted to fit my mental health review in as well, if possible (she went pale when I got out my notebook with my list). Ultimately very therapeutic and helpful. We didn't do the formal MH list but covered lots of the things mum has said and done recently as things came up during the foot exam and discussing my eating habits.

I will continue to do what needs to be done (even if mum will not acknowledge that she needs me) but will prioritise my own MH. Mum is highly critical of me (what I say/ do, how I look etc) and that isn't going to change, so will ignore as much as possible, withdraw when I need to. I like me and I'm not changing into the version of me she tells people about - told my counsellor once that she said I was the sensible one, middle brother was never sensible and baby brother was the baby (now she tells people he looks like a tramp but is kind and soft-hearted - she does emphasise the tramp bit though).

When I left home the first time (I bought my house a year before I moved in, adding luxuries like electrics without bakelite switches and a bathroom (second hand fittings from 2 different people cost me 25 pounds in total) I hung on for a long time because I wanted my mum to leave too. You can't do it for other people, only they can (if ever your friends oh so perfect marriages break down, then you might learn the truth about their relationships - not that I'm wishing it on them, just that people will put on a front until the point where they decide to leave). Mum left a my father a few months after I moved out, baby brother followed within a week and shortly after, the dog turned up on her doorstep.

You need to work out what the right thing for you is and go for it. I second the spare room/ boxing things up plan. When I've had to tidy in a hurry (no longer an option) I go round picking up everything that's lying around (sometimes had separate boxes for rooms/ boys and flung all their stuff in). Boxes went into my room or the space on the end of the landing (5'+ x 4'6"+ - lots of room to stack boxes or surplus chairs). Clean a house without obstacles, put other people's possessions on their beds and usually had time to go through some of the boxes and sort them.

Sorry about your friend (and expensive but lovable bunnies). We are always here for you.

CRANKY40

I've done the spare room thing. I can't move in there but I'll sort it out and ebay/donate most od it over the winter when the garden takes up less time. Leave enough room to be able to shut the door on it if you can. I've put most of the stuff in bin bags as boxes would just be one more thing to get rid of. 

Tell mum that if you go minimalist she will be able to move round easier which will strengthen her core muscles and make it even easier for her to get around. Worth a try.......