Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my husband to contribute more to our joint account?

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My husband and I keep separate bank accounts, but we each pay the same amount every month into a joint account to cover bills. We usually share childcare time equally, but recently he's had to work a lot of overtime, meaning I've had to juggle my job with caring for our five-year-old. I feel like we're both doing overtime, but he's the only one getting paid for it - so should I ask him to now pay more?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. And, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

B  If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
  Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.


  • NBLondonNBLondon Forumite
    5.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Did he actively choose to work overtime or was it a case of "take it or it will never be offered again"?

    Did you talk about the impact on childcare?  Before the overtime or again when you found it more onerous?

    Is it an ongoing situation or for a limited period?

    Raise those specific issues rather than asking about "putting more into the joint account" - for all you know he may be putting the excess aside with the intention of spending it on you as a thank you for that extra childcare...  or on the child...
    Wash your Knobs and Knockers... Keep the Postie safe!
  • mdcollins1984mdcollins1984 Forumite
    22 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Should you even need to ask?
  • PottymumPottymum Forumite
    2 Posts
    First Post
    I think it would be best to contribute to the common pot the same percentage of salary, rather than a fixed amount,  including any overtime money, but you need to have a calm and considered conversation with him about your extra efforts, and how you feel and why.  You might be surprised that he's never really thought about it, and see your point. 
  • Erica51Erica51 Forumite
    19 Posts
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    My husband gave up paid employment to look after our children, and me, and the house, garden, take my mother to the dentist etc.  Most of our money was in our joint names.  Our savings were in his for tax reasons.  I had a very straightforward job to earn enough for the four of us.  If I worked late and couldn't contribute to childcare because they were in bed when I got home Howard shared any extra I earned.  I was eternally grateful that I could pursue my career without worrying that my children weren't properly cared for.  He reckoned being at home and responsible for everything was better than commuting into London. Perhaps we were lucky but we both felt we had a very good deal.
    6 Posts
    First Post
    if he was a thoughtful, caring husband he would do so without having to be asked.  
  • Emily55Emily55 Forumite
    2 Posts
    First Post
    I think it might be worth looking at why there is so much resentment towards the husband for working overtime. Is it him having more money? Is it you not wanting to be ‘burdened’ with childcare? Are you overspending in your account? Does he have more money in his account than yours? Are you jealous? 

    If my husband was thinking this about me I would be really disappointed. 
  • Hil277Hil277 Forumite
    3 Posts
    Fourth Anniversary First Post
    Have your bills increased? If not, then there’s no need for your husband to increase his contributions. 
    Bringing up a family will always involve compromise and flexibility by both parents. This time the extra childcare is your responsibility, next time it may be his. The same would apply if one of you was unwell.
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Did you know there's an MSE app?

It's free & available on iOS & Android


Regifting: good idea or not?

Add your two cents to the discussion

MSE Forum

Energy Price Guarantee calculator

How much you'll likely pay from April

MSE Tools