Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my husband to contribute more to our joint account?

kateisawsum

I’ve only been married for 3 years but I gotta say I think it’s so strange having seperate accounts. Both our pay goes into the joint account and we give ourselves pocket money for the month that we can spend on whatever we like. We literally never bicker about money at all. 

REJP

I don’t think it is helpful to tell OP to divorce, or to make her feel like a bad mother.
The question is about the joint account.  I suggest the OP does what my wife and I did for 60 years of married life.  We worked out what the amount would be to balance the joint account every month and paid an equal amount each.  Sometimes the amount was less so contributions were less.
Looking after our three children was equally shared, and not considered as overtime.

CapeTown

I worked part time for years so I could bring up our children in a happy and caring home. As a result my work pension was small but we had 3 educated and well adjusted children. Fast forward a few years, my rat of a husband went off with another woman and I was left with virtually no pension. If you are feeling resentment now, it doesn't bode well for your marriage. Divorce and give him custody of your burdensome child

Gillby1

OP I completely agree with you. Bringing up children is exhausting and incredibly hard work, and if you weren't taking on the extra burden your husband wouldn't be able to earn the extra money. It should unquestionably be shared. The fact that you are lucky to be married or to have children may be true, but is absolutely irrelevant to your question.

So many women pick up the extra burden of childcare (which us largely housework, let's be honest) and it is scandalously undervalued. 

gloriouslyhappy

Marcon said:

Have you considered discussing the matter with him, rather than opting for a straw poll based on a random bunch of strangers' responses?

But this is a safe place to explore options and opinions before having a potentially awkward discussion with your nearest and dearest..

gloriouslyhappy

[Edited by Forum Team]

But this isn't about you - with due respect, sad as your situation is, it has no relevance to the OP's situation. Woman's work ie childcare, houeskeeping, meal planning, shopping, remembering family birthdays, arranging outings, keeping up with schoolwork and events, etc etc etc is so often undervalued and there is no pension attached. OP is working part time and doing all the homecare freeing up her husband to work the overtime bringing in extra money. Therefore it's only right he should contribute more financially.

As some others here do, we always paid our income into a joint account, then when the bills were paid and our regular savings account topped up, anything over was shared equally. That equal share was personal money paid into our separate personal accounts, to be spent or saved as each saw fit with no questions asked.

Ca_advice

I have a better idea, have joint accounts and not separate, then like the vows say, what’s mine is yours and yours is mine. Then you will work as a team and not as two individuals!!

James137

Not looking good for a happy marriage.
As a male I gave up working to look after our 2 children as my wife earned more than me. I worked around her shift work and the children's schooling when they were at school.
The children were ours, ours to look after. What is the point in having them if you resent looking after them?
This modern way of farming off kids so you can "work" is in many cases daft. How much "quality" of life is everyone having in the house hold if you are constantly rushing around for little gain in money? 
I feel very fortunate to have been able to contribute to the household in this way as I saw my children more than most dads.
From day one me and my wife have had a joint account, regardless of income it has always been "our " money.
Sit down with your other half. Have the joint "pot". agree an amount you can both have as "spending" money. Use the rest to reduce debt/save for holidays as a family/pension/treats. That way both are contributing the same. Does the partner enjoying working the overtime? I suspect not. You could always suggest he looks after the children and you go and work long days/weeks. 

jegs

Why are you asking us ?   
You really should be discussing this only with your husband and maybe if you did, he might agree with your proposals.
Why does he feel the need to do all this overtime and what is he doing with all the extra income that he is earning ?
Do you really not know the answers to these questions ?   Just try speaking to him for a change !!

Dulce-ridentem

I'm sad to see so many judgemental and unhelpful posts. Some of the responses seem very out-dated in attitude.

I agree with the people who have said you need to talk with your husband and share feelings (both his and yours). Be wary of your childcare work going un-noticed or anappreciated - you're not a bad mother for your feelings, that sort of judgment harks back to the 1950s. All marriages need give and take, there's  no point trying to say who is contributing more from an overall point of view (work, care, money) - but perceived inequality can cause hidden resentment. So try to reach a shared understanding, or at least understand how your views differ. Good luck!