Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my husband to contribute more to our joint account?

redzebra

If you need to ask that question of this forum you need to talk about more things than money first.

TheAlliterationMum

I have joined the forum just to comment on this as I cannot believe the ridiculous things people are saying about the OP. At no point did they say they didn’t want to look after their child! 

I am a mum of 3, the youngest of which is 1. I work 1 day a week while my partner looks after our daughter and I look after her on the days when he is at work (5 days a week). We both contribute an amount of our salary to our joint account relevant to our income. 

My partner regularly does overtime whereas I don’t meaning I have to do more of the childcare. When he does he uses this extra salary to pay for improvements to our home, a meal out or takeaway. He’ll even treat me and pay for my hair to be done as he recognises that I’ve done more childcare and running of the house. 

I would speak to your husband about how you’re feeling and see if you can come to an agreement about how the extra funds are to be spent. Good luck! 

dementeddaughter

I think Matt8888 and ripongrammargirl both have it spot on. Marriage is a joint effort and I cannot understand why finances are separate. Maybe its because I'm of a different generation. I also feel sad for this marriage.

gloriouslyhappy

[Edited by Forum Team]

They're his children too! Looking after children is hard work, OP is only able to work part time as the childcare and home duties fall to her. Why not equally to him? If he has the higher earning potential then it makes sense for him to do the outside work and her to do the unpaid work - but then the disposable income should be shared equally, her work needs to be recognised too. Petty and jealous? I don't think so - just stressed and trying to ensure she remains an equal partner in the marriage and not some sort of Stepford wife.

NBLondon

akbrooker said:

It's not that long since married women weren't allowed to own propery - everything belonged to and was controlled by the husband.  

About 150 years actually -  Married Women's Property Acts of 1870 and 1882.

joburton4321

My husband and I run our own accounts and and a joint account. We have done for years. Rather than a fixed amount, we pay a fixed percentage of our gross pay in to the account. When he was earning more, he paid more in. When he retired and I was earning more, I paid more in. 

Now we’re both retired we both pay the same amount in even though the pension I am currently drawing is less and that’s because my pot is bigger, so I’ll have more to last. Seemed fair

Pritesh_

Matt8888 said:

I know things change in society, but I was brought up to be used to the idea that in marriage all is shared; what belongs to one belongs to the other, totally unconditionally. I don't understand how people can be truly married, having taken those oaths, and separate their finances. I just don't get it. But I know it is probably becoming quite normal. I think it's sad. 

100% agreed. When you start separating your finances, you start separating your marriage

Fel15

I am absolutely appalled at some of the comments on here and felt the need to comment.

This person obviously does not see looking after their children as a burden that they need paying for. More likely they see the inequalities in a society that sees one half of a relationship remunerated accordingly for working while their earnings have to be put on hold because of increased responsibility.

My husband and I are currently expecting our first child and are trying to plan for the future. We both earn roughly a similar amount and plan to change our financial situation so that rather than putting a prescribed amount into the joint account, everything goes in and expenses (including childcare come out of that). It will mean that while I am on maternity leave he is technically paying for our mortgage and the majority bills and that it will all come it out of the communal pot when I return to work (part time because of the significant cost of childcare).

I’m so sorry that you are in this situation and that you have had to read so many unkind and ridiculous comments. I really believe there should be a moderator on this column to look at people’s contributions before they are made public. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but some of these opinions are blatantly outdated, horribly judgemental or either do not understand the question asked or have wilfully misunderstood it.

EtheAv8r

I just don't understand a lot of the comments here.  My wife and I have been together 46 years.  All money and savings in is available to either of us, irrespective of who "earned" it by working at a paid job.  Everything is shared, and either are free to spend as they wish.  Marriage is about sharing your lives, and that means everything (where possible) is shared.

tenminnit

I don't know what sort of marriage a lot of you have but we've been married 36 years. Both our earnings have always gone into a joint account. We don't need to give each other an allowance. We've built our relationship on trust.