Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my husband to contribute more to our joint account?

Albert_hall

My wife and I have joint accounts in everything I put loads in more than her but I don’t whing3 on like these people share and share alike 

kids9698

Wow. I'm a mum too. They're grown up now, but I never expected to be paid to take care of them. I considered it a privalige to get any extra time with them. I wish I could have had more time with them, but I needed to bring money into the household too. Kids grow up quick and before too long you may find yourself with Empty Nest Syndrome and wishing for these days back again! 
Also, your relationship feels more like a business transaction. I think you may need to look more at your relationship as a whole rather than who earns and pays what. It feels there is something wrong here. There seems to be resentment for the fact your husband is working hard to earn money. I think there are underlying problems here and the money situation is being used to stop you focussing on the even more serious issues. 

Clowance

if you were full time at home and he didn't give you any spending money, then he is being unreasonable. Therefore if he is earning a lot more than you and not increasing his share, he is still unreasonable. You must talk calmly with him about how you feel. 

vintner55

I was in a similar situation to you, ignore all the judgemental comments it's between the two of you how you manage your finances. When my husband was working a lot of overtime I was left with the childcare. It's not that I resented my son but it took away my options for earning extra and my leisure time. Like you we have separate accounts and a joint account that we both pay into. We paid different amounts into the joint account though so that we were left with the same amount of "pocket money" each. Overtime money was recognised as belonging to the house account, not to whoever had earned it so that we both benefited from the extra money. We've been married for 37 years so it's don't believe what posters are saying about not boding well for the marriage. Having clear agreements about finances is a solid basis for harmony in a relationship.

Truezplaya

We have individual accounts and we pay 50/50 on the mortgage and then a percentage of our remaining salary in to a joint account, This way if one of us gets a pay rise we both benefit but it's advantageous for us both to push to get more money. I also contribute to my wife's car because I earn a fair chunk more.

If you were following what we do then he would be paying in more anyway because he would be pulling more money in but normally in this situation the other person is taking the overtime because there's something you both want, if that's the case you need to allow him/her to do the overtime and support that.

To be honest you sound like you have a fairly even relationship albeit you may both get paid differently so financially it might not be but it doesn't sound like you couldn't have a reasonable conversation about it. 

Pollycat

Marcon said:

Have you considered discussing the matter with him, rather than opting for a straw poll based on a random bunch of strangers' responses?

+ 1 to this.

JamoLew

kateisawsum said:

I’ve only been married for 3 years but I gotta say I think it’s so strange having seperate accounts. Both our pay goes into the joint account and we give ourselves pocket money for the month that we can spend on whatever we like. We literally never bicker about money at all. 

Exactly how we run our finances - we have NEVER had a disagreement over finances in 25+ years of marriage

Spendless

There's no way that my husband could have acquired the salary and job he has without me being able to do the childcare required. Other than that he'd have had to find a live in Nanny (which he couldn't afford) as no other family help available. As this had a knock on effect of the types and hours of jobs I could take, I'd then be pretty miffed it he was keeping any additional income to himself considering he was only able to work additional hours because I was looking after OUR children.

I suspect from the initial wording that is what is happening in this case. Money is kept separate apart from a set amount each into the joint account. So what is happening to the additional income from husband working overtime? If it's being kept to himself, then I can understand the wife's issue. She is having to juggle her own  job to cover the additional childcare and getting no financial benefit from doing so. If the overtime money is being used to secure their future or even paying off debt to give a better lifestyle then that's a different matter, 

MollyBC

I agree with everyone who says talk to your husband about this. How do you think he will react?

Only you know your personal circumstances such as are you both on low incomes or both able to afford a good life.

If you're struggling to do overtime due to childcare and left with no personal cash while your husband is rolling in it then of course he should pay more if you are running the home too.
What do you think he is doing with the extra cash? Does he enjoy his work or is he doing overtime through no choice?
He might just be oblivious to it all and meaning to top up the joint account. If you think he is wasting it all while you are struggling on part time hours you may have a bigger issue than just the bank account.
Good Luck

DontBringBertie

For the people who say "put all your money in a joint account and share it", I think that's OK if you both have vaguely similar incomes or have children.

But for a recently married couple without children say:

Partner A earning £100k a year and Partner B earning £25k.

Would it then be OK for Partner B to use the joint account money to go a £10k round the world holiday without Partner A? After all apparently it's all 'shared money'.