I don't want my debit card sent at my home address, what should I do? Please read, diff story & Qs

General_Grant

You are fooling yourself.  Your "plan" would take too long.  If you are thinking of "investing", you can as easily lose money as make it.

You surely must know you simply have to get out of that accommodation to somewhere where you can continue your employment and break free from the relationship.

You don't have to contact any authorities about his behaviour.  You just have to be an adult woman and get out.

colsten

I agree with General_Grant. You need to get out of this situation asap, into a safe space where he cannot find you and no longer control you. Your plan to syphon money off into a secret account has too many flaws, starting from setting up the secret account to transferring any sizeable amounts of money into it, and to actually keeping it secret from him.

Please consider cutting your ties with this controlling man before he ruins the rest of your life. Seek the help of womensaid as soon as you can speak to them out of earshot of your oppressor.

Eholic

General_Grant said:

You are fooling yourself.  Your "plan" would take too long.  If you are thinking of "investing", you can as easily lose money as make it.

You surely must know you simply have to get out of that accommodation to somewhere where you can continue your employment and break free from the relationship.

You don't have to contact any authorities about his behaviour.  You just have to be an adult woman and get out.

I shouldn't have mentioned the word investing at all, it has probably been directly linked to crypto or similar, no not even remotely close, but I know what I am doing here.

Anyway I will be off topic again in this comment as I feel the need to address a couple of points.

So you are telling me to be a grown up and move out.

With having sooo little time alone each month, tell me how am I going to 1) go property viewing and 2) sign any paperwork such as property contracts without raising alarm bells, as I would obviously need to be out for a couple of hours. I am not sure you are fully realising the situation.

I have done some pretty thorough research on what my spend would look like after moving out. These days, one bedroom properties are no less than £700/£800 a month. That's just the rent. Then we have council tax, gas, electricity, water, broadband, tv licence, food (which keeps becoming more expensive by the day) and once in a blue moon clothing. Oh and don't get me started if you have a car, that is another can of worms. No good if I am going to end up with £200 to my name after all of the above each month would it?

For instance say I have chosen the perfect for me property, I will need to pay at least 2 months rent in advance before moving in the property.

These days, unless you are a freelancer, a business owner (just starting up) or a professional with over 10 years or more of experience behind you in your field with an income of £3,000+/month it could be very difficult or next to impossible to make ends meet. At the end of the day, yes it is vital we pay our bills, but as soon as you find yourself in a place where you cannot save up, you are in the hamster trap. Being able to enjoy life around paying the bills is what matters.

So what in fact would be ungrown of me is to up and leave without thinking things through like an adult will.

Sea_Shell

Do you not have ANY other friends or family that you can even sofa-surf with for a short period whilst you sort somewhere more permanent?    Anyone that can start to accumulate your stuff for you?   As it doesn't sound like you're going to be able to pack up everything in one go, when you finally move out.

TBH it sounds like you just need to leave.   Then you can start to make calls and make firm plans.   Even if that's just a room in a house share for a time, rather than your own place.

The "new bank" plan doesn't really seem to be the solution here.   You have funds, you have an income.

Are you your Dad's carer?   Is it just the two of you in the house?    You say you pay some of the household bills, how much, per month?.  Can your Dad financially manage on his own?   (I know that's not your problem, but could be a factor)

colsten

You need breathing space, away from the controlling sheckles.

Please talk to womensaid (link above), to get into a Women‘s Refuge asap. Once there, you will have the freedom to conduct your life as the adult that you are, and you can get information and practical help from a multitude of people. Even if you had to rely on Universal Credit for some time, your life should be massively improved over the emotionsl abuse you are suffering from now.

sheramber

You can get help from Women's Aid.

You can be a lodger or go into a house share.

That would be preferable to your situation at present and give you a breathing space to sot things out.

So what are your plans for when you have amassed the amount of money you consider you need.

How are things going to change?. 

You   will still be in the same position with no time to be able to view properties and sign paperwork.

 

General_Grant

I wasn't thinking about crytocurrency for your investments but ordinary stock market investments as opposed to regular savings accounts.  (The last are paying such low interest rates that they aren't going to build your savings at much more than keeping it in a safe under the floorboards.)

Being adult doesn't mean that you have to have an apartment or house for your sole occupation.  To me it is more like being free to go where you want, when you want, and not giving someone the power to interfere with this against your will.

I've said enough in this thread now.  I wish you all the very best in enabling the better life you want.

thegreenone

If you simply want to save for a Running Away Fund what about opening a Premium bonds account with NSandI?  You can make payments from as little as £25 and withdraw whenever.   It usually only takes 24 hours for the money to be back into your bank account.  No cards but I think there was one unmarked letter with log in details.  But this was a number of years ago so you may be able to go completely paperless now.
I wish you well.

Barny1979

I opened a Premium Bond account last year and you get one letter.

Sea_Shell

If you are able to move money "under the radar", how much could you afford to squirrel away monthly, after all your other usual outgoings?

How does this compare to how much you think you need in your "escape fund".

What timescale does that equate to?