I don't want my debit card sent at my home address, what should I do? Please read, diff story & Qs

General_Grant

General_Grant said:

Eholic said:

pbartlett said:

Another option is for Royal Mail to hold all your mail for you until you collect it from their sorting office in person. You can investigate their Keepsafe and PO Box options.  Just make sure the bank can open an account using eg a PO Box number - I would apply in branch and explain the situation.

The keepsafe idea sounds good to me.

I am guessing the bank will send me the letter as they normally would to any person, and once the Royal Mail gets hold of it they wouldn't post it to my address but actually hold it until I can go and collect it myself, if this is how it works?

I was going to suggest that service myself - until I read more and thought it was that they would deliver the item later, when you requested, but that would not be the short timeframe your situation requires.  I'll read the RM webpage again and see whether I was wrong (probably was!)

I've read it again, and there's a question asking them if you can pick up mail earlier than the keepsafe was due to end.  Their answer was,
No, for security reasons our staff can’t hand over your mail.

So the mail still has to be delivered to the original address.

I feel for you as I would have hoped there could be a trusted friend to whom you could have your mail redirected and that they would keep it for you and not tell anyone else what they were doing.

And, when you set up the keepsafe service, they send you a letter to confirm it!

Teapot55

Visiting your nearest Nationwide Building Society branch might be useful to you as well. 

Their customer service ‘in branch’ is always friendly and helpful.

You might consider opening up a savings account with Nationwide regardless of where you end up having your current account because it’s always good to have any savings in a separate account and just keep enough in your current account to cover your day-to-day outgoings. 

General_Grant

Do you work?

You mentioned "nothing as serious as physical abuse" but actually other forms of abuse are still serious, not less so than physical.

Are you male or female?

PM me if you want. 

Eholic

General_Grant said:

Do you work?

You mentioned "nothing as serious as physical abuse" but actually other forms of abuse are still serious, not less so than physical.

Are you male or female?

PM me if you want. 

I was going to start an administrator position at a local company before the COVID outbreak but there once again my strings were pulled towards him. He kept on banging on about how good it is to work from home. At the time that seemed like a really good idea and so I am started an online course from home little did I know it was all going down hill and I was enabling him to control me for pretty much the whole day. This is my second year stuck at home with him after I was 3 years at my University accmmodation - during my stay there, he did not give out any signs that he will become this controlling and manipulative. I am female.

Teapot55

Teapot55 said:

Visiting your nearest Nationwide Building Society branch might be useful to you as well. 

Their customer service ‘in branch’ is always friendly and helpful.

You might consider opening up a savings account with Nationwide regardless of where you end up having your current account because it’s always good to have any savings in a separate account and just keep enough in your current account to cover your day-to-day outgoings. 

Here’s a link, eholic

https://locations.nationwidebranches.co.uk/search 

Eholic

General_Grant said:

General_Grant said:

Eholic said:

pbartlett said:

Another option is for Royal Mail to hold all your mail for you until you collect it from their sorting office in person. You can investigate their Keepsafe and PO Box options.  Just make sure the bank can open an account using eg a PO Box number - I would apply in branch and explain the situation.

The keepsafe idea sounds good to me.

I am guessing the bank will send me the letter as they normally would to any person, and once the Royal Mail gets hold of it they wouldn't post it to my address but actually hold it until I can go and collect it myself, if this is how it works?

I was going to suggest that service myself - until I read more and thought it was that they would deliver the item later, when you requested, but that would not be the short timeframe your situation requires.  I'll read the RM webpage again and see whether I was wrong (probably was!)

I've read it again, and there's a question asking them if you can pick up mail earlier than the keepsafe was due to end.  Their answer was,
No, for security reasons our staff can’t hand over your mail.

So the mail still has to be delivered to the original address.

I feel for you as I would have hoped there could be a trusted friend to whom you could have your mail redirected and that they would keep it for you and not tell anyone else what they were doing.

And, when you set up the keepsafe service, they send you a letter to confirm it!

I would give my local post office a call and see what they can offer

eskbanker

Eholic said:

I was going to start an administrator position at a local company before the COVID outbreak but there once again my strings were pulled towards him. He kept on banging on about how good it is to work from home. At the time that seemed like a really good idea and so I am started an online course from home little did I know it was all going down hill and I was enabling him to control me for pretty much the whole day. This is my second year stuck at home with him after I was 3 years at my University accmmodation - during my stay there, he did not give out any signs that he will become this controlling and manipulative. I am female.

It's perhaps a bit of a digression from what you were originally asking but isn't a separate bank account just addressing the symptoms rather than the cause, and isn't there a risk that it'll inflame the situation rather than resolve it?  If the relative is controlling to the extent you suggest, which presumably includes money, how will you actually be able to establish financial independence 'under the radar' if you start diverting your income to a new account and/or spending money you weren't thought to have?

I don't know if your situation could/should be categorised as coercive control and/or financial abuse but perhaps worth reading up on this at sites such as https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick....

Eholic

eskbanker said:

Eholic said:

I was going to start an administrator position at a local company before the COVID outbreak but there once again my strings were pulled towards him. He kept on banging on about how good it is to work from home. At the time that seemed like a really good idea and so I am started an online course from home little did I know it was all going down hill and I was enabling him to control me for pretty much the whole day. This is my second year stuck at home with him after I was 3 years at my University accmmodation - during my stay there, he did not give out any signs that he will become this controlling and manipulative. I am female.

It's perhaps a bit of a digression from what you were originally asking but isn't a separate bank account just addressing the symptoms rather than the cause, and isn't there a risk that it'll inflame the situation rather than resolve it?  If the relative is controlling to the extent you suggest, which presumably includes money, how will you actually be able to establish financial independence 'under the radar' if you start diverting your income to a new account and/or spending money you weren't thought to have?

I don't know if your situation could/should be categorised as coercive control and/or financial abuse but perhaps worth reading up on this at sites such as (couldn't quote with the link)

Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick....

Yes indeed I have caught the tangent slightly. I have tried to talk to him a number of times however with people like him you can never reach a consensus because even though people are suffering in front of him, he would always think he is doing nothing wrong and the suffering person would be seen as trying to make a scene or doing it deliberately. He can't get more toxic than what he is. It's not financial abuse actually. It's more of him not being a fan of his grown up girl who has her own future visions and wants to move on to have an independent life to fulfil her ambitions and ventures as an adult. So he comes up with all kinds of manipulative ways ensuring that wherever I go or whatever I do will still be within his radar.

Back to the topic in question.

That is why I am taking matters in my own hands to distance myself from such unhealthy to me environment. I have figured everything out and the very step is obtaining a new bank account one he would not have any idea of.

Sea_Shell

Does he actually have direct access to your current banking arrangements?

Is your own money currently under your control or his?

Just trying to understand how a new account will be the final piece of the puzzle to enable you to break free.

Eholic

Sea_Shell said:

Does he actually have direct access to your current banking arrangements?

Is your own money currently under your control or his?

Just trying to understand how a new account will be the final piece of the puzzle to enable you to break free.

He has no access to my current banking arrangements.

My own money are under my control.

Actually the new bank account will be the first piece of the puzzle