Grown Up Son Finishing Uni

Happy_Sloth

tooldle said:

Happy_Sloth said:

tooldle said:

Why is it nuts? I paid ‘keep’ whilst at home during University vacations. I was over 18, and was earning money to both support myself and put away a little for the upcoming term. My sibling went to work on leaving school and was paying ‘keep’ at the same age. 

i guess i just concider my sons coming home a treat for me too,  i wouldn't charge my mum if she came to visit for a few days it seems odd to charge my son for visiting his mum. 

In my case, 28 weeks of term time and 24 weeks of vacation time. In my book that is more than ‘coming to visit for a few days’.

Arh right i guess .... with my eldest he come home at Christmas and when he came home as summer it was clear he wasn't going back.  When the youngest (still in uni now) he's never come home for that long, we was here for 3 weeks at Christmas and he plans to come back for 2-3 weeks in the summer but thats all we've seen him  he's alrady got a flat lined up for next year so he'll be moving into that as soon as he leaves halls. 

Happy_Sloth

Melvinsmum58 said:

Financially we are comfortable, we have ups and downs but we are comfortable and don't 'NEED'  him to pay rent

Is this really the case? You have a thread from last year asking for help with not getting into further debt because of financial struggles and talking about your family being better off without you? Maybe that has all been resolved, apologies if it has.

Covid was a really tough time for us,  we slipped though the cracks in the support scheme . So didn't get any help even though we where left completely without the main earners income. 

Things are 'better'  not perfect we have really cut back our spending, got rid of lots of things.  I took a low wage job so we could afford to eat. but eventually i did find another better job, it's not as well paid as my normal work but I'm getting paid at a level that's sustainable, at least until august when the contract ends. 

Part of the problem last march was all my normal work dried up, companies stopped hiring people like me.  I was desperate when I posted, I didn't know how long it would last or if we could survive.  Things in the market for my work are looking better i think it company's simply panicked but now most have realised then need to keep going one way or another and are hiring again. 

We are also financially not in the same place, my father in law died with Covid, while it was terrible and we miss him terribly, financially he left us some money, we used to pay of all of our high interest debt which lifted a massive monthly financial burden.  We are stable, we still live in a building site of a house needing massive renovations, but financially we are alot more secure. 

I won't say that my son giving us rent wouldn't help, it would help massively as we are still on a reasonably tight budget and our earning are miles away from what they where 2 years ago.  However we arn't in difficulty and we don't NEED it.

Mojisola

Happy_Sloth said:

I won't say that my son giving us rent wouldn't help, it would help massively as we are still on a reasonably tight budget and our earning are miles away from what they where 2 years ago.  However we arn't in difficulty and we don't NEED it.

I can't understand young adults who don't want to contribute to the household - financially as well as taking a share of the household tasks - do they want to continue to be treated as children rather than grown-ups with personal responsibilities?

silvercar

Mojisola said:

Happy_Sloth said:

I won't say that my son giving us rent wouldn't help, it would help massively as we are still on a reasonably tight budget and our earning are miles away from what they where 2 years ago.  However we arn't in difficulty and we don't NEED it.

I can't understand young adults who don't want to contribute to the household - financially as well as taking a share of the household tasks - do they want to continue to be treated as children rather than grown-ups with personal responsibilities?

You can treat someone as a grown up without taking money off them.

Spendless

MovingForwards said:

Paying 'keep' also depends on the parent(s) financial situation.
I left school and accepted the first job I was interviewed for, and offered. It paid £42.50pw. The first weeks wages I got to keep, every week after that it was £25 to my mom and it covered room, utilities and tea. I had to pay for everything else bus pass, lunch, snacks, clothes, toiletries etc.

£17.50 a week to cover what you did doesn't sound much. Unless you're going back so many years that bus fares were incredibly cheap.

After a year at sixth form at a school I disliked, I left to go on a training scheme, which paid £25 p.w shortly increasing to £26.25. However I'd also had a Saturday job with BHS for the past year and as my birthday falls in Autumn I was soon on the adult rate there, which mean £16 for an 8 hour shift. Total weekly wages just over  £44 for a 6 day week and  having 2 places that might offer me f-time work. I paid £8 a week 'board'

 After a year the training scheme offered me a permanent position for £46 a week,, meaning I was £2 a week better off and I could drop the Saturday job. I told my Mum and she promptly put my board up to £10 p.w, leaving me   no (financially)  better off at all. When I protested, Mum told me she hadn't taken my Sat wage into consideration.  This was something she'd never mentioned and  made no sense to me, as  she was then charging me  just over 1/3 on my YTS (excluding BHS wages) but intended reducing it to under 1/4 of overall wages. I'd like to think it was just my Mum's maths but she had ran her own business for years, dealing with cash, making up wages etc. I moved out of my parents home in my 20s having never told them about a pay-rise again.

@t@tooldle - I'd prefer that scheme in England, especially since we're about to go through an overlapping year of supporting 2 students. 
 

Spendless

silvercar said:

Mojisola said:

Happy_Sloth said:

I won't say that my son giving us rent wouldn't help, it would help massively as we are still on a reasonably tight budget and our earning are miles away from what they where 2 years ago.  However we arn't in difficulty and we don't NEED it.

I can't understand young adults who don't want to contribute to the household - financially as well as taking a share of the household tasks - do they want to continue to be treated as children rather than grown-ups with personal responsibilities?

You can treat someone as a grown up without taking money off them.

I made a similar point on a recent thread about allowances for teens/sixth formers. My youngest's flaw with money is spending it all at once. She's at a college 40 miles away for various reasons (inc parental choice) that she commutes to. It requires 3 different modes of transport for each way (6 in total per day). I keep her transport costs separate from her pocket money. if she overspends and can't go to the cinema/pub/buy another nail polish or yet more clothes that's one thing. If she messes up and can't afford to get home from college then that's a safety issue.

Taking the financial side out of it, commuting has meant she's understood train timetables and platform changes and is more able with this aspect than several adults I know and will be really handy from September when she's studying in a different part of the country to us and 30 mins outside of London. . 

During May half term her and a friend went to the coast for the day (needed 1 change).  Unlike her friend who went into spoons and ordered 3 drinks on the app with only 20 mins to go until the last train from the coast and didn't intend getting to the platform because only 1 of these drinks had turned up with 5 minutes left to go. Daughter was a lot more sensible and told friend she needed to leave the pub immediately or risk them being stranded.

 ............................................................................................................................................................................................................

There was a thread some time back about adult offspring contributing and someone observed that they thought it stemmed back to the days when families were large and as the eldest child/ren grew and found paid work then they handed over all their wage to the household 'kitty' and were dished a small amount of personal 'spends' back. As each generation went out depending on how the families prospered and their own personal views this got 'watered down' ending with the situation today where some people would take a certain amount % or otherwise and others wouldn't take a penny. I'm inclined to agree with whoever wrote it.

Not that I'm sure my 2 will even return after Uni but my own thoughts on what I'd do with mine  based on our current financial situation sits somewhere in the middle. I'd only wish to charge for what they are currently costing, which would definitely mean something towards the grocery shopping and a contribution towards the electricity bill/petrol costs of my car.  

tooldle

Happy_Sloth said:

tooldle said:

Happy_Sloth said:

tooldle said:

Why is it nuts? I paid ‘keep’ whilst at home during University vacations. I was over 18, and was earning money to both support myself and put away a little for the upcoming term. My sibling went to work on leaving school and was paying ‘keep’ at the same age. 

i guess i just concider my sons coming home a treat for me too,  i wouldn't charge my mum if she came to visit for a few days it seems odd to charge my son for visiting his mum. 

In my case, 28 weeks of term time and 24 weeks of vacation time. In my book that is more than ‘coming to visit for a few days’.

Arh right i guess .... with my eldest he come home at Christmas and when he came home as summer it was clear he wasn't going back.  When the youngest (still in uni now) he's never come home for that long, we was here for 3 weeks at Christmas and he plans to come back for 2-3 weeks in the summer but thats all we've seen him  he's alrady got a flat lined up for next year so he'll be moving into that as soon as he leaves halls. 

Accommodation options have changed considerably over the years, with the growth in student numbers. Back when I was an undergrad rooms had to be cleared at the end of each term, and the residences were used for other purposes throughout the holidays. Nowadays our accommodation contracts are mostly 40-47 week tenancies which give the students the option to stay put over the most of the vacation period. All those years ago there were only a couple of houses in which 52 week contracts were possible. These days there is a far greater awareness of needs i.e. care leavers so it is quite rare to be turfed out at the end of term.
My daughter is away at Uni and we don't see a great deal of her. She is out there living her life, enjoying the freedom of being a young adult without many responsibilities. 

Mojisola

silvercar said:

Mojisola said:

I can't understand young adults who don't want to contribute to the household - financially as well as taking a share of the household tasks - do they want to continue to be treated as children rather than grown-ups with personal responsibilities?

You can treat someone as a grown up without taking money off them.

But are the young adults who don't contribute to the household bills behaving like adults or learning to be free-loaders?

Unless their behaviour in other ways showed that they were taking adult responsibilities seriously, having to pay their way is usually a good life lesson. 

silvercar

Mojisola said:

Asilvercar said:

Mojisola said:

I can't understand young adults who don't want to contribute to the household - financially as well as taking a share of the household tasks - do they want to continue to be treated as children rather than grown-ups with personal responsibilities?

You can treat someone as a grown up without taking money off them.

But are the young adults who don't contribute to the household bills behaving like adults or learning to be free-loaders?

You could ask them same fo those that do contribute.

MrsStepford

My parents made me pay rent when I was at college. They were well off and didn't need to do it. I had to pay for my course and support myself by industrial temping, for two years. I hated it. But afterwards, I was proud that I paid for my own course. I still think my parents were mean about rent.