Grown Up Son Finishing Uni

tooldle

I did the very same. I’m not convinced it takes longer to find a job. What i do see is students start looking for work far later in the academic cycle than was the norm when i was an undergrad. Back in my day most would have a position lined up by the start of the summer term. Many of our undergrads don’t start looking until their exams are complete.

tooldle

Happy_Sloth said:

tooldle said:

Why is it nuts? I paid ‘keep’ whilst at home during University vacations. I was over 18, and was earning money to both support myself and put away a little for the upcoming term. My sibling went to work on leaving school and was paying ‘keep’ at the same age. 

i guess i just concider my sons coming home a treat for me too,  i wouldn't charge my mum if she came to visit for a few days it seems odd to charge my son for visiting his mum. 

In my case, 28 weeks of term time and 24 weeks of vacation time. In my book that is more than ‘coming to visit for a few days’.

Melvinsmum58

Financially we are comfortable, we have ups and downs but we are comfortable and don't 'NEED'  him to pay rent

Is this really the case? You have a thread from last year asking for help with not getting into further debt because of financial struggles and talking about your family being better off without you? Maybe that has all been resolved, apologies if it has.

I think your son needs to get a job, any job (as someone else said maybe night time shelf stacking) whilst looking for a graduate job, which may take a while, especially when he has no work experience at all. A friends son is similar, not worked for 2yrs since graduating, teaching himself a profession in his bedroom, thinks temp jobs are beneath him (mind you his mum does too, even though she has very little money!)

My son finished uni last year, but was hunting for temp jobs as soon as he came home in 1st lockdown and was told finals were cancelled. Managed to secure a retail job, started applying for Grad jobs in autumn. 

He is desperate to work in a specific industry, and had a year out working in that, but given that it has been decimated by Covid, he looked elsewhere, and luckily landed a similar job in another industry. On receiving the job offer, he thought the salary was low (for London) and stated he didn’t want a London job! Tough, it was a job offer, I told him beggars can’t be choosers in the middle of a pandemic! He is now 6mths into job, enjoying it etc. Still living with us as office still closed.

We don’t charge him rent, but we definitely don’t NEED to...no debts, husband has good salary (I have just retired), significant savings. However, we made not charging rent dependant on him paying max into work pension and saving a lot of his salary. He is a saver anyway, has normal and lifetime ISAs so that hasn’t been a problem. He does buy meals for us when out, and helps a lot in the house/garden. 

silvercar

tooldle said:

Happy_Sloth said:

tooldle said:

Why is it nuts? I paid ‘keep’ whilst at home during University vacations. I was over 18, and was earning money to both support myself and put away a little for the upcoming term. My sibling went to work on leaving school and was paying ‘keep’ at the same age. 

i guess i just concider my sons coming home a treat for me too,  i wouldn't charge my mum if she came to visit for a few days it seems odd to charge my son for visiting his mum. 

In my case, 28 weeks of term time and 24 weeks of vacation time. In my book that is more than ‘coming to visit for a few days’.

The longer the better, the more time to establish a proper adult relationship with your offspring. They will soon be off for good at which time you will regret that their visits are so short.

Spendless

tooldle said:

Why is it nuts? I paid ‘keep’ whilst at home during University vacations. I was over 18, and was earning money to both support myself and put away a little for the upcoming term. My sibling went to work on leaving school and was paying ‘keep’ at the same age. 

I'm guessing due to the parental contributions. Ours gets the min loan so we pay rent and leave him his loan to live on. If/When he comes back it would be pointless asking for a contribution I'd feel, because he'd be in effect handing our own money back. Might as well reduce the amount we gave him in the first place to take 'home stays' into account. Mine only did the first year plus Xmas of second year coming home for all hols and summer term he stayed a couple of week longer at Uni  anyway as per our request, due to his sister who had been ill completing exams. By Spring last year mine decided he'd stay in his digs more frequently, which is how he got stuck there during the first lockdown, with the double whammy of the part time work he was about to take up not being available and his money running out faster due to price rises and lack of promotional and available stock. The only additional costs I have when he comes are possibly electricity and definately grocery bill. Maybe a small amount of additional petrol, but he's nowhere near as bad as his sister for that one. 

 He did eat me out of house and home last year when he fetched his 2 housemates back last summer for a few weeks. Neither were able to return to their family homes due to reasons of estrangement and (parental) illness. By grocery shopping disappeared the day after I'd bought it and that was with putting their allocated stuff in my spare fridge! After that and with some help off of the OS board I learnt my lesson and I upped the sides and veg in the main meals I provided and stopped the fridge/cupboard snacks in favour of ones you had to ensemble together. If they couldn't be bothered to do that then they had to go to the shops for hand to mouth snacks and spend their own cash. 

boxer234

I think its a nice idea saving for him IF you can afford it.  I had no financial help, worked three jobs to put myself through uni it was tough.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with supporting your son.  However I would encourage him to take a lower paid job.  He needs to be doing something.  

OldMusicGuy

Happy_Sloth said:

He's got Asperger's so he's never worked, typical student type jobs aren't really something that's suitable for him, he would really struggle in any very busy environments (retail, bar work etc) as he can't handle large crowds or noisy environments. Tbh though we have never expected him to work while in full time education as we would rather he focused on his studies. 

So this will be the crux of your challenge. He already has the wrong attitude to getting a job (too choosy) and he has no experience of anything, which will likely work against him when being compared to other candidates, and also make him possibly set his goals too high. We didn't make our son work full time in the holidays while studying (agree with you on that) but we did make sure he got some work experience doing a couple of internships (typically 2 to 4 weeks for not much money), and we did make him work over the summer after he left school but before he went to uni. They were things he was able to put on his CV that at least showed some experience of the world of work.

He may well struggle to get a job. Attitudes are improving to things like Asperger's but it's a competitive world out there. I think you will need to strike a delicate balance between supporting him due to his Asperger's but ensuring it is not used as an excuse to allow him to stay at home for as long as he wants. I think only you will be able to decide how to strike that balance. 

tooldle

silvercar said:

tooldle said:

Happy_Sloth said:

tooldle said:

Why is it nuts? I paid ‘keep’ whilst at home during University vacations. I was over 18, and was earning money to both support myself and put away a little for the upcoming term. My sibling went to work on leaving school and was paying ‘keep’ at the same age. 

i guess i just concider my sons coming home a treat for me too,  i wouldn't charge my mum if she came to visit for a few days it seems odd to charge my son for visiting his mum. 

In my case, 28 weeks of term time and 24 weeks of vacation time. In my book that is more than ‘coming to visit for a few days’.

The longer the better, the more time to establish a proper adult relationship with your offspring. They will soon be off for good at which time you will regret that their visits are so short.

I was on a full grant. 24 weeks is a long time to support an extra person. In my vacation job i was bringing home more than my mum earned in her permanent job. I’d been chipping in whilst studying my A’Levels and working alongside. Such is life.
@Spendless We don’t have parental contribution in Wales currently. Those on the lowest of incomes receive their fees and maintenance as a grant. Those on the highest of incomes borrow the full amount, with those in between having a mix of grant and loan. 

Keswick1uk

We gave our daughter 12 months to find an appropriate graduate job but expected research and making applications to be her employment. It took her 6 months and she moved away. Be careful what you dream of! Still it was a great job and she was very happy there.

I would charge what he would pay as a lodger, probably £500 a month (but food thrown in, so not exactly a lodger level). 

MovingForwards

Paying 'keep' also depends on the parent(s) financial situation.
I left school and accepted the first job I was interviewed for, and offered. It paid £42.50pw. The first weeks wages I got to keep, every week after that it was £25 to my mom and it covered room, utilities and tea. I had to pay for everything else bus pass, lunch, snacks, clothes, toiletries etc.