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Grown Up Son Finishing Uni
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Happy_Sloth
Posts: 316 Forumite

Hey all,
My Eldest son has just finished University and while i've always supported him while he was in full time education the expectation was always clear that once he started working he would pay rent.
I think it's only right and fair that he pays rent. The plan is to use a portion of what he pay's towards the bills the rest intend to squirrel away in a savings account which i will use to help him buy his first house (But i don't intent to tell him I'm doing it, I want it to be a nice surprise)
How much is reasonable to charge him in rent? Do people charge their adult children a set amount? Or a % based on their income? How much is reasonable and fair?
Secondly My son is applying for Jobs presently but part of me feels he's abit lack luster about and and being very picky. I've always said he didn't need to pay rent till he was working but that seems to have translated into 'Im in no rush'. I realise he's only just got out of uni so i don't want to rush him too much, but warning bells are going off.
I've forwarded a couple of nice entree level job posts i've seen to him. (he's going into a very similar career to mine so i know the market and what Junior jobs look like) and each have been met with a "that looks a little basic, I'm aiming higher" Or a "The wage is too low, my friend got XXX so i'm not going below Y"
My Eldest son has just finished University and while i've always supported him while he was in full time education the expectation was always clear that once he started working he would pay rent.
I think it's only right and fair that he pays rent. The plan is to use a portion of what he pay's towards the bills the rest intend to squirrel away in a savings account which i will use to help him buy his first house (But i don't intent to tell him I'm doing it, I want it to be a nice surprise)
How much is reasonable to charge him in rent? Do people charge their adult children a set amount? Or a % based on their income? How much is reasonable and fair?
Secondly My son is applying for Jobs presently but part of me feels he's abit lack luster about and and being very picky. I've always said he didn't need to pay rent till he was working but that seems to have translated into 'Im in no rush'. I realise he's only just got out of uni so i don't want to rush him too much, but warning bells are going off.
I've forwarded a couple of nice entree level job posts i've seen to him. (he's going into a very similar career to mine so i know the market and what Junior jobs look like) and each have been met with a "that looks a little basic, I'm aiming higher" Or a "The wage is too low, my friend got XXX so i'm not going below Y"
- May 2021 Grocery Challenge : £198.72 spent / £300 Budget
- June 2021 Grocery challenge : £354.19 spent / £300 Budget
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Comments
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This is one of those variable answers, where it depends very much on your circs etc.
Is the asking him to pay rent only when he finds f-time employment? If not, then how is he going to pay it? Does he currently have any paid work or is he claiming benefits or does he currently have money left from his final student loan instalment.
If you work in a similar field, then you'll probably know better than most what entry level jobs and salarys look like. It's difficult to put an old head on younger shoulders though! Are you prepared to give him a 'grace period' where he looks for the job he wants before he's expected to find something that pays the bills.
As to what you charge, again up to your individual circs. If I think in terms of what mine actually cost me (one at Uni one soon to go) then by the time the eldest graduates, we are close to the end of our mortgage, council tax is paid at 100% as 2 adults here, we're on water rates, which remain the best financial option for now, broadband needed as husband WFH each week. TV is down to our (mine and husband) preference. The landline is barely used, everyone on a mobile contract and I don't think insurance differs. This purely leaves electricity and gas bills that can go up plus groceries, which definitely does!
Other things might be petrol costs if requiring lifts. Does he pay for his own personal costs though, clothes, haircuts, grooming, socialising?
Maybe if you start to break down which area he will pay for himself anyway and which are you subsidising it will help with how much to charge.0 -
Emotionally, I associate the summer with the year just gone by, so when the next term would start seems a good marker and when not having even a stopgap job may start looking like a gap on his CV.But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,Had the whole of their cash in his care.
Lewis Carroll2 -
Spendless said:This is one of those variable answers, where it depends very much on your circs etc.
Is the asking him to pay rent only when he finds f-time employment? If not, then how is he going to pay it? Does he currently have any paid work or is he claiming benefits or does he currently have money left from his final student loan instalment.
If you work in a similar field, then you'll probably know better than most what entry level jobs and salarys look like. It's difficult to put an old head on younger shoulders though! Are you prepared to give him a 'grace period' where he looks for the job he wants before he's expected to find something that pays the bills.
As to what you charge, again up to your individual circs. If I think in terms of what mine actually cost me (one at Uni one soon to go) then by the time the eldest graduates, we are close to the end of our mortgage, council tax is paid at 100% as 2 adults here, we're on water rates, which remain the best financial option for now, broadband needed as husband WFH each week. TV is down to our (mine and husband) preference. The landline is barely used, everyone on a mobile contract and I don't think insurance differs. This purely leaves electricity and gas bills that can go up plus groceries, which definitely does!
Other things might be petrol costs if requiring lifts. Does he pay for his own personal costs though, clothes, haircuts, grooming, socialising?
Maybe if you start to break down which area he will pay for himself anyway and which are you subsidising it will help with how much to charge.
He currently covers all his own personal costs, clothes, haircuts, travel and socialising the only thing we currently pay for is his mobile phone.
Financially we are comfortable, we have ups and downs but we are comfortable and don't 'NEED' him to pay rent, likewise we haven't been on holiday for years and rent money certainly would help make like easier for me and his dad.
There are certain bills in the house i would not expect him to contribute towards (TV for example he doesn't have one and I don't think he's ever watched one), however as you say things like food certainly costs extra when there is an extra mouth to feed and the electric/gas go up noticeably when he's home.
I think there is fine balance.. if i just charge him what it costs to keep him here i suspect he'll have a very comfy life.. he's likely to come out of uni on close to my husbands earnings charging him what it costs to keep him is likely to result in him having a lot of spare cash while me and my husband pump every penny we earn into keeping the home. Likewise i don't want to fleece him and take all his money away.
I'm looking for a level that is big enough that he gets an idea of what the cost of living is and doesn't encourage him to stay at home forever but also small enough that he gets a benefit of working and can start saving for his future, saving for a deposit on a house etc. He's a very logical thinker he moved back home after 1 year of Uni because he didn't see the financial sense in him living way when it was cheaper to live at home.
Mostly we want to help him become independent, understand money and the costs of being a grown up and the importance of paying your way in the world.- May 2021 Grocery Challenge : £198.72 spent / £300 Budget
- June 2021 Grocery challenge : £354.19 spent / £300 Budget
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theoretica said:Emotionally, I associate the summer with the year just gone by, so when the next term would start seems a good marker and when not having even a stopgap job may start looking like a gap on his CV.
- May 2021 Grocery Challenge : £198.72 spent / £300 Budget
- June 2021 Grocery challenge : £354.19 spent / £300 Budget
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I don't think that there is a single right answer.
I would look at:
(i) What would it cost to rent a room in a shared house locally? It might be reasonable to look at that and discount by 10-20% because he is family, (but look at ads - if the ad is rent only, you need to add on a bit for bills, before you apply your family discount and if it is bills inclusive, either add on for food or arrange for him to contribute to that separately.)
(ii) What his income is, and what you are considering charging looks like as a percentage of his net pay - I think it's common to spend around 1/3 of income on housing so if the amount you get with (i) would mean he was paying more than 1/3 of his income to you, maybe discount to 1/3.
(iii) how much he will be earning and how much he will have after paying you? - for instance, if he has a low paying job and his essential expenses (e.g. travel to work, suitable work clothes) are high so that he would have minimal disposal income, you might want to discount a bit - maybe think of an amount you feel is reasonable for him to have after bills, (but before non-essentials such as holidays and socialising) and adjust to ensure that he has that .
I would also consider sitting down to discuss his plans and maybe how long you are comfortable to have him at home and not contributing. It may be that you need to explain that while you support his wish to get a reasonably paid job which reflects his degree etc, he may need to look at other roles as a starting point or on a temporary basis - perhaps let him know that he will need to start paying rent from the start of August so he needs to look at finding work by then even if the jobs aren't his first choice. that gives him nearly two months more for free - you can say that you will be willing to review if you're happy that he has been actively looking and has been trying to find work even if it is not his first choice.
All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
Happy_Sloth said:I've forwarded a couple of nice entree level job posts i've seen to him. (he's going into a very similar career to mine so i know the market and what Junior jobs look like) and each have been met with a "that looks a little basic, I'm aiming higher" Or a "The wage is too low, my friend got XXX so i'm not going below Y"
You need to shift his attitude quick, it's not easy out there to walk into a well paid job. If he doesn't get experience in interviews then when the dream job turns up he will probably fluff the interview.
He needs to be casting the net wide, doing as many interviews as he can and then be selective about choosing an offer. Anything other than that means he is either lazy and will sponge off you or he may have some personal insecurities which may need discussing and addressing to help him move forward.1 -
If you demand rent, make sure to include in self assessment as additional income to avoid future problems.I am relationship expert. Don't feel shy, say hello.0
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You’ve explained your financial position here very well, have you explained it to your adult son in the same way? He should understand and want to give you a fair contribution. Oh and it’s not taxable so don’t worry about izawa’s incorrect adviceDownshifted
September GC £251.21/£250 October £248.82/£250 January £159.53/£2001 -
downshifted said:You’ve explained your financial position here very well, have you explained it to your adult son in the same way? He should understand and want to give you a fair contribution. Oh and it’s not taxable so don’t worry about izawa’s incorrect advice
- May 2021 Grocery Challenge : £198.72 spent / £300 Budget
- June 2021 Grocery challenge : £354.19 spent / £300 Budget
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Once he is working I would expect him to pay for his own mobile.0
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