What is your experience having relationship with divorced man with kids?

Martin_the_Unjust

AskAsk said:

Martin_the_Unjust said:

OK having read this thread with interest (well disbelief actually) could someone explain the something to me.

Just how, exactly, do you choose who you fall in love with?

by being very careful with whom you start a relationship with as you will only fall in love once you have gotten to know someone well enough.  love at first sight only exists in movies 

I find it rather sad that you believe that.

AskAsk

Martin_the_Unjust said:

AskAsk said:

Martin_the_Unjust said:

OK having read this thread with interest (well disbelief actually) could someone explain the something to me.

Just how, exactly, do you choose who you fall in love with?

by being very careful with whom you start a relationship with as you will only fall in love once you have gotten to know someone well enough.  love at first sight only exists in movies 

I find it rather sad that you believe that.

what?  that love at first sight only exist in movies?

burlingtonfl6

Martin_the_Unjust said:

AskAsk said:

Martin_the_Unjust said:

OK having read this thread with interest (well disbelief actually) could someone explain the something to me.

Just how, exactly, do you choose who you fall in love with?

by being very careful with whom you start a relationship with as you will only fall in love once you have gotten to know someone well enough.  love at first sight only exists in movies 

I find it rather sad that you believe that.

It's the truth.
You have to be pretty desperate to fall for someone you hardly know.
Love grows with time

AskAsk

burlingtonfl6 said:

Martin_the_Unjust said:

AskAsk said:

Martin_the_Unjust said:

OK having read this thread with interest (well disbelief actually) could someone explain the something to me.

Just how, exactly, do you choose who you fall in love with?

by being very careful with whom you start a relationship with as you will only fall in love once you have gotten to know someone well enough.  love at first sight only exists in movies 

I find it rather sad that you believe that.

It's the truth.
You have to be pretty desperate to fall for someone you hardly know.
Love grows with time

as well as a bit weird don't you think? 
say you walk past someone in the street or sat next to someone on the train, and they fall in love with you at first sight.  then they start pursuing you. 
a bit of a stalker territory me thinks! 

caprikid1

"Take 2 people that look identical, have the same jobs and personality but one has children anyone with any sense would go for the no baggage option. It's perfectly natural. "
Not really a single person who is 35 never been married never had kids can carry far more baggage than someone who has had to grow up and be responsible for others not just centered around themselves.
When I got divorced and started dating I came to conclusion that women at 35 with no kids often had far more emotional baggage and issues than those with children.

burlingtonfl6

caprikid1 said:

"Take 2 people that look identical, have the same jobs and personality but one has children anyone with any sense would go for the no baggage option. It's perfectly natural. "
Not really a single person who is 35 never been married never had kids can carry far more baggage than someone who has had to grow up and be responsible for others not just centered around themselves.
When I got divorced and started dating I came to conclusion that women at 35 with no kids often had far more emotional baggage and issues than those with children.

Keep telling yourself that.
The reality is you're not as wanted as you would be if you had no children and an ex wife.
With regards to the comment about women over 35 with no children, you may well me right but if you're around 35 (I'm guessing you are because you threw that figure out) there's a very simple solution.......date women in their 20's!
The problem is, for you, those women, in general, don't want you because you have children.
By the way, that's a bold statement to make on here about women over 35 having the same baggage as those with children. I'm guessing you're referring to multiple partners, mental abuse, selfishness etc.
It might be true.....but on here it's not an opinion you're allowed to have.

Gavin83

Finding a partner is no different to finding anything else, whether thats a new job, buying a house, etc. You have your deal breakers, your negatives and your positives. If the negatives outweigh the positives you'd generally be crazy to choose that option. A potential partner having kids would be a deal breaker for some, a negative for others but I can't see anyone really considering it a positive.

Ultimately while I'm sure someone with kids will still find a partner (of course, many do!) you probably won't get the same quality of partner as you would have done without kids. You'll have to settle. I agree with burlington on this one.

Linking it to what I said above I'd love to have a house with 6 bedrooms, a cinema and a swimming pool but I can't afford it. I'd love to have a job paying a million a year but I don't have the skills. I'd love to have a supermodel girlfriend with a dazzling personality but I don't have enough to offer to get this. You have to adjust your expectations in life or go without and having kids from a previous relationship just means you'll need to adjust your expectations down a little further.

NBLondon

Gavin83 said:

A potential partner having kids would be a deal breaker for some, a negative for others but I can't see anyone really considering it a positive.

A person who wants children and knows they can't reproduce themselves may be more keen on stepparent role.
A person with one child of their own may like the idea of acquiring a stepsibling for their one.

But your last sentence is true;  you do have to manage your expectations on the basis that the children may/will sometimes/often come ahead of you in your partner's priorities.  Some people accept that; others struggle.

Ditzy_Mitzy

caprikid1 said:

"Take 2 people that look identical, have the same jobs and personality but one has children anyone with any sense would go for the no baggage option. It's perfectly natural. "
Not really a single person who is 35 never been married never had kids can carry far more baggage than someone who has had to grow up and be responsible for others not just centered around themselves.
When I got divorced and started dating I came to conclusion that women at 35 with no kids often had far more emotional baggage and issues than those with children.

There's all sorts of reasons why some of us are childless at that age.  Some don't want children.  Plenty do but can't have them, or weren't with the right man at the right time, or just weren't lucky or devoted themselves to careers in banking and so on.  Some will have been in relationships and tried, but won't have fallen pregnant.  It doesn't always work; fertility treatment, IVF and what have you costs a bomb.  Most of us aren't bunny boilers (I prefer mine stewed).  

caprikid1

"Ultimately while I'm sure someone with kids will still find a partner (of course, many do!) you probably won't get the same quality of partner as you would have done without kids. "
So you think that of all the 35-50 year old women out there the pick of the bunch will be those without kids ? I think for a lot of women looking for love in the mid 30s they would be looking at very narrow selection with a lot "Peter Pans" who never grew up.
I certainly found it a lot easier to date after 18 years of marriage with 2 kids than I ever did in my 20s.