What is your experience having relationship with divorced man with kids?

strawb_shortcake

onomatopoeia99 said:

annabanana82 said:

Gavin83 said:

Am I the only one who doesn't actually think 33 is that young? By that age I'd expect most single people to be divorced and have kids from a previous relationship. Saying that I still don't think someone should settle for something they don't want but the expectations need to be realistic, the potential dating pool is small.

I'm a couple of years older but if I found myself single I'd expect my options would be a single mum, a much younger woman or to remain single. Of course one of those is considerably more challenging that the other two!

I've heard people at work say that if someone in their mid 30's haven't had children or had a previous serious relationship or marriage then you should perhaps be questioning what's wrong with them and why no one else wants/wanted them

Which only shows you work with some people with strange ideas!

I completely agree 

NBLondon

annabanana82 said:

I've heard people at work say that if someone in their mid 30's haven't had children or had a previous serious relationship or marriage then you should perhaps be questioning what's wrong with them and why no one else wants/wanted them

There's a bit of something in that...
If someone has had no serious relationships at all by their mid-30s then you might ponder the reason.  Not necessarily anything wrong with them.  Might be plenty of different reasons but you need to think about them if you were hoping for being their first.

[Deleted User]

I think part of it depends on how well the man and his ex get along.  They don't need to be besties but on good terms does help.  I also think there's a difference to splitting time between parents who live relatively close to one another and having to fly to another country at every opportunity he gets to see his children.  Don't get me wrong I can absolutely understand why he wants to see his children as much as he can when they live so far away but would I like it as the partner....I'm not sure I would.

At 33, which I don't think is particularly young either, do you plan on having your own children in the not so distant future?   How would that work if you had children with this man and he, naturally, wanted to see his older children every single holiday, using up all his annual leave for that.  He would be spreading himself too thin.  Would he even want more children?

goldlemontree

Lover_of_Lycra said:

I think part of it depends on how well the man and his ex get along.  They don't need to be besties but on good terms does help.  I also think there's a difference to splitting time between parents who live relatively close to one another and having to fly to another country at every opportunity he gets to see his children.  Don't get me wrong I can absolutely understand why he wants to see his children as much as he can when they live so far away but would I like it as the partner....I'm not sure I would.

At 33, which I don't think is particularly young either, do you plan on having your own children in the not so distant future?   How would that work if you had children with this man and he, naturally, wanted to see his older children every single holiday, using up all his annual leave for that.  He would be spreading himself too thin.  Would he even want more children?

I'm not sure, I have a feeling it's not especially amicable, but he does Skype them twice a week so I assume they are on good enough terms for him to do this. He also mentioned that she won custody for them as they were young children at the time, but he didn't know she was going to then leave the country with them. 

I am undecided whether I would like to have children, right now while I haven't found the right person I am unsure, I have also never found the right person to feel like I want children with them, so I don't know if this will change if I do find the right one or if I will never feel ready. But yes, the clock is ticking unfortunately. 

KxMx

I'll admit to being mid 30s and not having had a serious relationship.

For me it's been at various times complete lack of opportunity to meet someone, health issues and just not being into the guys who have shown an interest in me. I'm also very picky about what attracts me. Has to be strong from the start.

Currently my life is quite full around health issues which shrinks the time & energy I have available considerably.
If I was to have a relationship I'd have to give something else up and right now despite being lonely, frustrated and utterly sick of being single, I'm not sure I do want to give anything up.

Also children of my own are not happening so that rules out guys who want them (I would be rejected for adoption), and I'm also not keen to date someone with them already already so that rules out quite a few guys of a similar age. 

burlingtonfl6

Men shouldn't get married until their 30's
That's when their options are the highest.
''People'' are told from a young age that they can ''have it all''.....focus on your career and when your 35 you can start a family.
It's all a lie!

littlegreenparrot

burlingtonfl6 said:

Men shouldn't get married until their 30's
That's when their options are the highest.
''People'' are told from a young age that they can ''have it all''.....focus on your career and when your 35 you can start a family.
It's all a lie!

How about men marrying when they meet someone they want to marry? 
I know, I'm a hopeless romantic for not considering it in the same way you choose a jar from a shelf. 

Most 'people' are well aware of the consequences of decisions about when to have a family, and will weigh those things up carefully. Having been a young woman I can tell you there is always a magazine, newspaper, doctor, well meaning relative, colleague you hardly know, who is desperate to tell you to get on with it as you will shrivel up entirely on your 35th birthday. 
Thankfully as it's 2021 we can ignore them and make our own decisions for our own reasons. 

Gavin83

KxMx said:

I'll admit to being mid 30s and not having had a serious relationship.

For me it's been at various times complete lack of opportunity to meet someone, health issues and just not being into the guys who have shown an interest in me. I'm also very picky about what attracts me. Has to be strong from the start.

Currently my life is quite full around health issues which shrinks the time & energy I have available considerably.
If I was to have a relationship I'd have to give something else up and right now despite being lonely, frustrated and utterly sick of being single, I'm not sure I do want to give anything up.

Also children of my own are not happening so that rules out guys who want them (I would be rejected for adoption), and I'm also not keen to date someone with them already already so that rules out quite a few guys of a similar age. 

All the people I know who have never really had a proper relationship have the same reason, unrealistic expectations in a partner. They're inevitably people who aren’t exactly prime pickings themselves either. There’s nothing wrong with this of course, people can be as prejudice as they want but then you shouldn’t complain about being single. 

Nothing worse than someone complaining that no one is interested in them when what they mean is no one they want is interested in them.

Lavendyr

I met my partner in 2019. We were both 36 and both separated. I had no children with my ex-husband. My now partner has two daughters from his previous marriage. I adore them both and have an amazing relationship with them. My partner loves me and also loves that I have built such a good relationship with his daughters.

It really comes down to you. For myself, if my partner didn't put his children first and above all, I'd be worried. That said, we also manage to make time for our relationship. I went into this relationship knowing how important his children are to him and I wouldn't have it any other way. If it is an issue for you then that's something you need to work out with - or without - your partner. Best of luck to you both.

Edit to add: We are amicable with his ex and her new partner. Our priority is to make things as positive as possible for the children. Is it always easy>? Absolutely not. But it's worth working together to build a comfortable place for them.

[Deleted User]

Gavin83 said:

KxMx said:

I'll admit to being mid 30s and not having had a serious relationship.

For me it's been at various times complete lack of opportunity to meet someone, health issues and just not being into the guys who have shown an interest in me. I'm also very picky about what attracts me. Has to be strong from the start.

Currently my life is quite full around health issues which shrinks the time & energy I have available considerably.
If I was to have a relationship I'd have to give something else up and right now despite being lonely, frustrated and utterly sick of being single, I'm not sure I do want to give anything up.

Also children of my own are not happening so that rules out guys who want them (I would be rejected for adoption), and I'm also not keen to date someone with them already already so that rules out quite a few guys of a similar age. 

All the people I know who have never really had a proper relationship have the same reason, unrealistic expectations in a partner. They're inevitably people who aren’t exactly prime pickings themselves either. There’s nothing wrong with this of course, people can be as prejudice as they want but then you shouldn’t complain about being single. 

Nothing worse than someone complaining that no one is interested in them when what they mean is no one they want is interested in them.

At the opposite end of the spectrum you have the serial monogamists who Tarzan straight from one relationship into another. I was always wary of them too.