What is your experience having relationship with divorced man with kids?

squirrelchops2

I totally empathise with the OP on this. When I was single at 30 I would not have been interested in a man if he had children - I didn't want my own children let alone to possibly be in a 'step mum' position - not for me thank you.
Regarding fertility, I then decided when I met my current that perhaps I would like us to have our family but alas it didnt happen. I do think it is actually quite worrying that women are told it is ok to leave getting pregnant until they are older - there are far too many people with fertility issues and I would tell anyone who wants a child to not wait in my opinion. I say this also from a perspective that my mum was 43 when she had me hence I am more than aware women can have natural, problem free pregnancies over 40.

caprikid1

As a divorced man with 2 children with me a lot of the time, just walk on by and leave him alone, he already has 2 children does not need a third. Don't make him prioritize you over his children, you are not ready for a relationship of that maturity and that complexity.

burlingtonfl6

caprikid1 said:

As a divorced man with 2 children with me a lot of the time, just walk on by and leave him alone, he already has 2 children does not need a third. Don't make him prioritize you over his children, you are not ready for a relationship of that maturity and that complexity.

She is not a child for not wanting to be with a man like you. If she can be with someone without all your baggage then she should take that option.
You just aren't as desirable as a similar man without baggage and let's face it, why would you be?

''you are not ready for a relationship of that maturity and that complexity''
( also known as drama)

NewLeaf1986

annabanana82 said:

Gavin83 said:

Am I the only one who doesn't actually think 33 is that young? By that age I'd expect most single people to be divorced and have kids from a previous relationship. Saying that I still don't think someone should settle for something they don't want but the expectations need to be realistic, the potential dating pool is small.

I'm a couple of years older but if I found myself single I'd expect my options would be a single mum, a much younger woman or to remain single. Of course one of those is considerably more challenging that the other two!

I've heard people at work say that if someone in their mid 30's haven't had children or had a previous serious relationship or marriage then you should perhaps be questioning what's wrong with them and why no one else wants/wanted them

Or maybe they didn't want to settle for the gutter trash that was available to them in their vecinity.

I'm 34, been with my better half for 19 months now, we're well on our way to saving to buy our first home home together and will look into adoption agencies once we're settled in a home that we both own. Or fostering. Or a mish-mash of both. Or we'll just be stupendous uncles to our neice and nephews. We're quite easy going on that front. 

I'm overwhelmingly glad I didn't settle for a local in the 32 years leading up to meeting the person I am with today.

As is he. 

NewLeaf1986

caprikid1 said:

As a divorced man with 2 children with me a lot of the time, just walk on by and leave him alone, he already has 2 children does not need a third. Don't make him prioritize you over his children, you are not ready for a relationship of that maturity and that complexity.

I couldn't agree more. 

You come as a package and a successful relationship is a symbiotic one. Anyone who you invite into your life should understand the trust you're placing in them wanting them to be part of everything you are and everything you have, willing to share their love between you and your children, knowing that the favour is being returned (albeit following a bedding in period with the kids).

I don't understand why this is so complicated for some people to grasp. It's blindlingly simple to me. 

Then again, anyone who thinks the appropriate place to go for advice on something as serious as this is an internet forum full of strangers clearly isn't at a place in life where they'll be able to embark on a serious relationship.

All of the questions OP asked are the kinds of questions only one self can answer with any hope of remaining true to one self.

Nobody knows oneself better than oneself, and no one has more of a vested interest in oneself than oneself. 

No one can or should expect the answers of others to be more appropriate than the answers you give yourself when it comes to matters of the heart. 

izawa

AskAsk said:

i think at 33 it is a bit early to settle for someone with baggage.  look for someone with no commitments.

Best advice !

What is your experience having relationship with divorced man with kids? - Avoid at all costs (whether a divorced man or woman, simply because they have more pressing issues than commit to another relationship)

burlingtonfl6

I really don't get why people have a hard time understanding that having children/an ex means you're not as desirable.
Take 2 people that look identical, have the same jobs and personality but one has children anyone with any sense would go for the no baggage option. It's perfectly natural. 
On the dating market you aren't as desirable compared to yourself with no children.

Martin_the_Unjust

OK having read this thread with interest (well disbelief actually) could someone explain the something to me.

Just how, exactly, do you choose who you fall in love with?

AskAsk

izawa said:

AskAsk said:

i think at 33 it is a bit early to settle for someone with baggage.  look for someone with no commitments.

Best advice !

What is your experience having relationship with divorced man with kids? - Avoid at all costs (whether a divorced man or woman, simply because they have more pressing issues than commit to another relationship)

not just that, but a man with children from a previous marriage will have to pay child maintenance to his ex until his children are adults and then continue to support his children from that relationship when they are adults.  this is a big drain on his income so he will have 2 families to support, which means there is less money to spend on you and your children.  so it will be harder from an economic point of view as well.

fair enough when you are in your 40s and beyond to settle for someone with a previous marriage/commitment as everyone would generally fall into this category at that age, but at 33 there are lots of other potential mates out there who would be much easier to have a relationship with and no worries about his relationship and financial burden with previous marriages.

AskAsk

Martin_the_Unjust said:

OK having read this thread with interest (well disbelief actually) could someone explain the something to me.

Just how, exactly, do you choose who you fall in love with?

by being very careful with whom you start a relationship with as you will only fall in love once you have gotten to know someone well enough.  love at first sight only exists in movies