Long term cohabitation dilemma

CookieMonster

tink_1983 said:

Gosh this thread made me feel very sad for you OP.
Sounds like you have a very selfish man on your hands. 
What happens to all his money if he dies ? Are homeless ?

Priorities.
So much for love.
And if you'd read the thread, you'd know OP has a property in her own name.

tink_1983 said:

Sounds like you have a very selfish man on your hands. 

15yr commitment and sound like you pay your half. 
Seems to me this is a man who cares little for you and what you financially wish to do / save for etc.

Sounds like this is a man who understands what equality is.
Should a person expect payment for their commitment - payment for "time-served" in a relationship?
OP is making her own financial decisions.
This is a modern relationship.

tink_1983 said:

15yr commitment and sound like you pay your half. 

 But you pay your way! 

This is what men have been told women want for over 50 years:
Equality.

Mojisola

burlingtonfl6 said:

I've said this before.

Those who expect the lower earner to pay less than 50% suddenly change their mind when it comes to divorce......then they're happy to start at a 50% split 

In this case, Viking-warrior is the higher earner but is left with very little each month because of what is paid to the partner.

FitzWilliams

CookieMonster said:

Your bias is showing. Op is being taken for a mug and would get the same reaction and advice whether they were male or female. You wouldn’t happen to be ops partner would you? You’re very triggered.

CookieMonster

FitzWilliams said:

CookieMonster said:

Your bias is showing. Op is being taken for a mug and would get the same reaction and advice whether they were male or female. You wouldn’t happen to be ops partner would you? You’re very triggered.

Thus far:
I've offered the OP an alternate viewpoint on the situation.
If the OP was looking for an echo chamber/bubble of people to reflect her views back at her, well that's what Tw*tter or F*cebook are for.

From her reply to me, and subsequent OP posts, it's apparent that the difficulty in having a conversation with her partner is an associated problem, and possibly a much bigger problem in relation to their future together.
Which I believe she can address, with a positive outcome for both of them.

I've offered advice, from a different perspective once again, on how to get communication going in a difficult situation.

And I've also questioned - as I've done previously elsewhere - what the zeitgeist definition of Equality appears to be.
I have yet to receive a reasoned response on that on any thread I've been on.

Others on this board are more than welcome to share their views/disagree/take my advice to 'ad ridiculum'/disagree with my views/group me in with other individuals who don't share the majority viewpoints on this board/whatever and however they please.

I welcome discussion, although some of it would be better in a PM to avoid the thread going too far off track.
I invite you to start one.

By all means, continue with ad hominem ridicule, mock my opinions, advice and viewpoints without offering useful contrary advice, or play 'buzzword bingo', but it is probably of little use to the OP.

Be well, all.

Angela_D_3

Equality is all very well when both genders are paid equally and not penalised for becoming parents.
Until that happens there is no opportunity for equality and as stated previously in that situation you live to the lowest denominator otherwise  one person is stretched and miserable 

FitzWilliams

Buzzword bingo? If the shoe fits and all that...

Op knows my views on the situation - she’s being taken for a mug. That in my opinion should give her everything she needs to know that the situation is not equal and tilted too much in favour of the financial abuser. Nothing equal about paying for all bills, all groceries, utilities and repairs on top of £400 a month while your supposed other half pays nothing as you struggle living pay check to pay check. Get out of that op. Man, woman, dog...I would be saying the same thing. I don’t just side with someone because they share the same appendage as me.

Viking_warrior

I do need to clarify. I dont pay ALL biill's. I pay gas and electric, half house insurance, all groceries, contribute to improvements around a third when I can. He pays council tax, tv license, water and broadband half house insurance and twi thirds home improvements. I also pay rent 

scrooge2008

Hi Viking_Warrior, I had forgotten what the original dilemma was, but have found the differing perspectives, thought provoking, thank you Cookie Monster  .  

You said in your original post that you want to feel part of 'our' home financially, but it isn't your home at all.  In the current arrangement, you have far less rights than a tennant/lodger although you are paying far more and that is why I feel for you x.

sassyblue

Viking_warrior said:

I do need to clarify. I dont pay ALL biill's. I pay gas and electric, half house insurance, all groceries, contribute to improvements around a third when I can. He pays council tax, tv license, water and broadband half house insurance and twi thirds home improvements. I also pay rent 

You shouldn’t be paying rent AND bills imo. Does he want a lodger or partner?  Besides, the fact that you have contributed towards home improvements means that you are highly likely to have a claim against the property should you split up, not 50/50 but certainly a share of the increase in value of the property from the improvements you helped fund.

I don’t think I’d tell him that though, sounds like he’s likely to dump you through fear/spite alone.

seriously though, if you are happy in the relationship otherwise then let it go. Your flat is almost paid off, should you split you have a place to go once the tenants are out, that’s a lot more than some people have.

rachel230

. I pay gas and electric, half house insurance, all groceries, contribute to improvements around a third when I can. He pays council tax, tv license, water and broadband half house insurance and twi thirds home improvements. I also pay rent 

I note the clever division of the bills. The biggest outlay monthly has to be food which has been deemed your responsibility (of course!) TV license, water and broadband are minimal by comparison. If you tot up what you each pay in bills monthly, I'm sure you will be paying out far more than him.
Also, why on earth are you paying for improvements/repairs on a house that you have been categorically told (by him) is not yours. As someone further up said, even a lodger has a far better deal than you - a long term * partner *.
As for "I'm leaving you the house in my Will".. means absolutely zero! He can change his Will any moment! Try standing up to him over this financial abuse and see how long you remain in his Will for!