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Long term cohabitation dilemma
Comments
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Seriously, @Virtualness - take this situation to the relationships board...Virtualness said:Thank you everyone for your thought and comments. Hard to read but deep down yes I believed it wasnt right.... and I have brought it up many times causing much friction. As he has very reasoned responses as to why it is as it is... and offers 'solutions' (regardless of their inachievability) I had convinced myself it was my fault I was in the situation I was in. Especially as I bought my flat just as I met him and he told me not to (he hates leasehold) and brings up my poor decision to this day. I had imagined responses would be about me finding a way to move up my property ladder somehow.... but I think I have more to be worried about than that. After so long i have convinced myself if his sincerity and love and that it must be me being difficult obstinate and argumentative. Time for some reflection. Thank you all I'm slightly overwhelmed by the thoughts and concern of strangers. Much appreciated
Good luck!1 -
Virtualness said:He always says if he dies I get it all... as I'm the one on his will. Which I have seen. So unless we split up I do in theory benefit. That's what he keeps assuring me
If are both genuinely there for each other, your financial situation is secondary. In an ideal world, people would get married and not break up, but it doesn't work like that.
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Your post reminded me of this one from last year and I initially wondered if this was the same poster.1
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Just read this. So difficult to see the reality of a situation when we're involved in it. I wonder how the OP is doing now.UnderOffer said:Your post reminded me of this one from last year and I initially wondered if this was the same poster.1 -
Has he mentioned marriage after 15 years?1
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No.... Not unless he is on his death bed. Been married before more than once and lost house etc so won't do itAngela_D_3 said:Has he mentioned marriage after 15 years?0 -
He sounds unkind, and manipulative.Virtualness said:
No I've always been asked to pay rent in cash. I have brought the whole thing up numerous tune but he reasons it with me and I feel his side of things and leave it until it creeps up in me again. I pay rent for a few reasons..barbiedoll said:How do you pay your "rent", is it a standing order from your account into his? If so, perhaps you should remind him that a court may well see your contributions as a "beneficial interest", and if you ever split, a judge would quite possibly not consider the money that you have spent on your shared home as "gifts".I also think he's taking you for a ride. How much does running his house actually cost him each month? It can't be a very large sum, seeing as you're paying for everything!Set up a spreadsheet with all joint expenses, tot it up and divide the total amount by two. Then tell him that is what you'll be paying from now on. It doesn't matter if you earn more, if he insists that you can't have a stake in his property, then why should you subsidise his home improvements? After all, any rise in the value of his house, is only going to benefit him.
1. If I wanst living here he would have a lodger so if I dont pay rent hes losing out
2. If I wasnt paying him rent and living here then I'd be paying rent or mortgage anyway and it would cost me a lot more to have somewhere like this house
3. Whilst I'm living with him and my flat mortgage is being paid, if I dint pay rent I'd be growing my assets at his expense.3 -
What do you think would happen if you refused to pay the £400 ?Virtualness said:
No.... Not unless he is on his death bed. Been married before more than once and lost house etc so won't do itAngela_D_3 said:Has he mentioned marriage after 15 years?2 -
On his death bed is still an option, could make it easier to claim a share of his pension etcVirtualness said:No.... Not unless he is on his death bed. Been married before more than once and lost house etc so won't do it
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Echo this.AdrianC said:
I think you know deep down that this isn't right, it must have taken strength to make your opening post. That was one of the hardest parts - hopefully the responses you have received will help you to see that your instincts were right. There are several things you can do but getting half the capital is not one that many would recommend. Please post in the relationships board, you will find strength and support there. I wish you all the very best, you deserve better x7
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