Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my girlfriend to repay me or let it go?

ADEKEEBLE

Oh get rid of her. Sounds like she is using you and that's not good. You said you had a good relationship. You can do better. You deserve better.

pennyforthem

When someone has an immediate sudden reaction to something that means there is a psychological issue of some description from the past. As you like her, I suggest you find some excuse ready eg you had to lend Bob some money, so you don't have any left or you are saving for something so that you stop ALL payments to her and do not buy her gifts her reaction WITHOUT confrontation will tell you her true motives. If she is a gold digger and the gravy train has dried up she will either start complaining or go away, it may be that you are a very generous person and this became habitable, and now she expects it? Is it just me wanting to know the outcome? Good luck!

mortgage_noob

That guy doesn't want an equal partner. He wants a subservient woman with 'old fashioned' values, and yet wants them to pay 50/50  

NaughtiusMaximus

omendata said:

Women are great until they get their feet under the table - they rant about feminism but still expect the man to pay for everything you still see it on the dating shows like First Dates you can tell they get annoyed if the man says 50/50 or doesnt want to pay in full - do much for feminism it seems it doesnt work when money is concerned.
If she is like this now just imagine what it will be like when married - I was in the same situation it comes down to the fact she is not really willing to go 5050 because she does not really love you dude - sorry to say it but ive been there too and realised 7 years too late should have ditched her - do it now before she ruins your life completely - in my experience you have 3 hopes for getting the money back - Bob Hope, Cape Of Good Hope and Nae Hope so find someone who really cares - with women these days in the UK you are probably be better going to Eastern Europe to find a good one as the girls there still have the old fashioned values , class style and intelligence - in the uk you will probably never find that.
Its no wonder so many many are going MGTOW now!
Harsh but fair harsh but fair!

Really stop tarring all women with the same horrible brush - some of us insist(ed) on paying the whole bill on first dates, simply to avoid any accusations of gold digging, or an expectation that because they'd bought a coffee / just shown up that I was going to sleep with them. 

You've had bad experiences of women, I've had plenty of nasty ones with men (including a couple of gold diggers). But not everyone is the same.

I've known a few men like that who are convinced ALL women are gold diggers only after them for their money. The one thing they all had in common is they all liked show off their (often exaggerated) wealth, whether through outright bragging or buying flashy status symbol clothes, cars, watches etc which they insist on showing off at every opportunity. It doesn't seem to have crossed their minds that the only women who find crass displays of wealth an attractive trait in a man are gold diggers.

jedav

Some questions you might wish to ponder:
Did you make the fact of the loans clear at the time? 
If you write off the "debt", will you resent it later?
Are you aware of her financial position in comparison to yours i.e. can she afford this?
Have you discussed your attitudes to money: spending it, saving it, organisation of bills, outside of this particular issue?
Is she embarrassed that she can't afford the lifestyle that you both would like?
Is it a good idea to make a relationship formalised if you appear to have different attitudes to money, or you're not sure if that is so?
Does she expect you to support her, especially if the two of you have children?
Expectations need to be managed.  I've been weak with past partners to whom I have lent money who have walked off with it when the relationship ended.  It is, in part, my fault.  My current partner and I have "our" money (for joint expenses like the house, car, cats and bills)into which we make regular payments, and our own individual accounts.  And we TALK about it - It works for us.

Clarity2

I think you should get some of it back so you can guard against being used or taken for granted, but I think it might not be necessary to get every penny. Assuming these were genuine loans, and you said things like "I'll get this and you can pay me back later", I think next time there is a joint payment, suggest that she pay for it to deal with a portion of what she owes you, but make it a bargain for her, so for instance, if she pays £30 for your share of something, say you will knock £50 off what she owes you. And be nice about it. 
That way she will see that you are not a pushover but you are not being horrible to her either.  

Morrigan_2020

mortgage_noob said:

That guy doesn't want an equal partner. He wants a subservient woman with 'old fashioned' values, and yet wants them to pay 50/50  

Yep, sounds like he wants a servant who doesn’t cost him anything. 

Phil4432

Haven't read the whole thread, but is she's borrowing money from you and getting aggressive when you ask for it back, you have to ask yourself why you are still with her.

Dump her straight away, and consider it £2,000 for some 'good times.'

Pollycat

burlingtonfl6 said:

[DELETED BY FORUM TEAM]

Not me.

I worked in a job with equal pay and equal opportunities from 1970.

I have never cherry-picked what parts of equality I wanted.

Not even when the state pension age for women was equalised with men - unlike those WASPI women.

At least you've said "most women" unlike the poster who tarred all women with the same brush.

Morrigan_2020

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

mortgage_noob said:

omendata said:

Women are great until they get their feet under the table - they rant about feminism but still expect the man to pay for everything you still see it on the dating shows like First Dates you can tell they get annoyed if the man says 50/50 or doesnt want to pay in full - do much for feminism it seems it doesnt work when money is concerned.
If she is like this now just imagine what it will be like when married - I was in the same situation it comes down to the fact she is not really willing to go 5050 because she does not really love you dude - sorry to say it but ive been there too and realised 7 years too late should have ditched her - do it now before she ruins your life completely - in my experience you have 3 hopes for getting the money back - Bob Hope, Cape Of Good Hope and Nae Hope so find someone who really cares - with women these days in the UK you are probably be better going to Eastern Europe to find a good one as the girls there still have the old fashioned values , class style and intelligence - in the uk you will probably never find that.
Its no wonder so many many are going MGTOW now!
Harsh but fair harsh but fair!

this is quite hateful. You've used your experience with one woman to and used a very broad brush to paint the whole lot of us.

I agree.

I've never expected any man to pay for anything, let alone everything.

I started work in 1970 and even back then, I always paid my way on dates.

You're a unicorn.
Most women expect a man to pay for dates in 2021.
They only want equality when it suits them.

How do you know this?  Have you dated a lot in the 16 days of 2021?