Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my girlfriend to repay me or let it go?

edited 12 January at 2:00PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
93 replies 66K views
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  • k_k_k_katyk_k_k_katy Forumite
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    This has to be settled.  Having a partner who refuses to discuss particular things, especially something as essential as money, is guaranteed to cause arguments and unhappiness.  And possibly worse.
  • happyinfloridahappyinflorida Forumite
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    Personally I couldn't live with someone like this, money and trust is very important to me.
    If you are definitely lending her this money - either she's asked to borrow this amount from you or you've offered to lend her money, why hasn't she repaid it, as it's a small amount each time, to you when she's next been paid?
    I wouldn't have let this go on, after the first time I would have said, no, I'm not lending you any more until the last lot is repaid, this would have let her know she wasn't getting away with this malarky anymore.
    Personally, I think you've got someone living with you who is happy to rip you off, there is no way you should allow this to continue.  Where is all her money going?!
  • Floridamad101Floridamad101 Forumite
    8 Posts
    First Post
    let it go. Just open a new joint account and both put the same amount in every month, as the things you have done you have done together. Both put in and agree this is to spend 'Together'. If you don't have enough both put in the same to do what you want to do.
    Have a look at clothes shoes old tech etc that you don't want, need, use anymore sell it on EBAY, Spook, Facebook marketplace etc and put this money in as well. It's amazing what it your rubbish is someone else's treasure!!
     
  • fabulous_at_any_agefabulous_at_any_age Forumite
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    You can choose not to lend her more money in future. As for rent and bills, has she paid some for these before and only sometimes can't pay or does she never pay? If it a bit here and there you can choose to just say you will pay it so it's not a debt and you let it go or say you don't want to pay her share. If you earn a lot more than her you could choose to split the bills where she pays the percentage of the difference between your earnings. Her debt to you could become your Christmas gift or Birthday gift to her. Of course maybe you are not compatible in the long term as these conflicts only get worse if you can't let them go. You do need to deal with this.
  • pammiebpammieb Forumite
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    I agree with the above comment. In the past, did you imply that you would like her to pay you back, albeit over time ?

    If so, and there has been no attempt, on her part, to do so, then she is using you as her 'cash cow'.
  • EpsomdtcEpsomdtc Forumite
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    What do you love more? 
    To quote the renowned orator Adam Ant...
    "Your money or your (future) wife"?
  • LittledalerLittledaler Forumite
    8 Posts
    First Post
    Firstly, I think for the sake of your relationship, you have to let past debts go - sorry!  But for the future, I believe the best solution (for any couple) is to keep their own bank accounts but open one joint one into which you pay an agreed portion of your incomes and pay all joint expenses out of this account, on the condition that the balance in your personal accounts is your own.  If your girlfriend takes money out of the joint account that is not for joint expenses, then you take out the same amount.  I know this sounds like titfortat but (and I speak as someone who has been hopeless with money in the past) it may be the way to make her realise that when money is gone, it's gone.  Or another tactic could be to transfer a lump sum (on pay day) to a fixed regular saver account which you can't access without penalties so you won't have any excess cash to lend her.  I'm afraid from hereonin it has to be tough love.  Put aside time to sit her down and explain, tell her you're not getting at her, but you believe you need to get finances organised.  But if she won't get on board then she doesn't value you as an equal partner in the relationship, she's taking advantage.  Good luck!
  • fifty-somethingfifty-something Forumite
    16 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    There is a word for people who make money by being "nice" to their partners-of-the-moment.  
    Is she good value?  Yes?  Keep her and budget accordingly (sucker).  No?  Ditch her and write off the cash.  No professional gives refunds.
  • edited 13 January at 12:31PM
    NaughtiusMaximusNaughtiusMaximus Forumite
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    edited 13 January at 12:31PM
    Sounds like my ex fiancee. We did eventually break up, I was devastated at the time but in hindsight it was the best thing which ever happened to me. Love had blinded me to the fact I was being used.
  • WilliamJohnstonWilliamJohnston Forumite
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    Sixth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker

    Some thoughts around Premium Bonds:

    I don't regard Premium Bonds as any sort of real investment. What they do prevent me from doing, however, is wasting money in depressed and/or desperate moment on fantasies of winning the lottery. I can have the fantasies - reasonable ones anyway - whilst spending a very modest amount of money; just the once. Money that I can also claim back if ever I want it.
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