Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my girlfriend to repay me or let it go?

egarobar

Pollycat said:

Anybody who gets defensive and aggressive over money they owe you when you try to discuss it with them should be consigned to history.
Regardless of how well you get on otherwise.

Absolutely agree - unless you can negotiate a way forward, DON'T go forward. Financial knowhow and transparency between partners is essential. Emotion doesn't belong in the same box. Buy her a copy of Martin Lewis' book for schoolchilren, if you can't face her, but also YOU need to face up to the fact that she is taking you for a bit of a ride. Sorry to say, but it's very clear.

meknowalot-51

You keep giving her money when she still owes you money,then you keep asking her for the money that you know she doesn't have because if she had spare money she wouldn't need to ask you for money.Then you say she get's aggresive..........perhaps it's because you keep giving in to her by lending her money time after time,your not helping her out at all.If you want to help her out and show her you mean it i suggest you do these things,stop pestering her about the money as she knows and doesn't need reminding.Stop lending her money and start helping her to budget,show her you care,work together.Perhaps she's just trying to live up to your lifestyle and needs more money,you must know what she earns????If you were married this dilema wouldn't exist.......................how well do you really know her?

tonyandcath

Is she your girlfriend, a quickie or something serious. I think you know the answer. Either way, you pay. In the 1970s I asked a girl if she would sleep with me for £100. She said "Yes"! I asked her if she would sleep with me for £1. She said "What kind of girl do you think I am?" I replied that we had "already established that, now we're negotiating the price". Why are you even asking?

Soprano49

If this irritates you now, it will eat away at you over the years. If you decide not to recover the money, you have to let it go - dont be resentful about it. If you dont think you can deal with that, this relationship is doomed and best togetbout and put it down to experience.  

gloriouslyhappy

Pollycat said:

Anybody who gets defensive and aggressive over money they owe you when you try to discuss it with them should be consigned to history.
Regardless of how well you get on otherwise.

Exactly this ^

crmism

Sorry, but I rather think you should have taken a step backwards some time ago and realised that you're sinking fast in a relationship that will leave you all the poorer, and the longer it goes on the poorer you'll be. It's clear that your girlfriend has never had any intention of repaying you, and that she's walking all over you. End the relationship now and find someone else who truly loves you and shows regard for others' generosity.

TheRedHerring

I wonder why you consider this is a good relationship when according to you, your girlfriend's behaviour is one of defence/aggression when the subject of money is raised and you consider money is owed to you.  This sounds like coercive behaviour and is likely to continue unless you both sit down and sort out your mutual financial responsibilities.  While you seem to believe yourself a victim, it could be a misunderstanding and the sooner this is sorted out the better.  If you feel unable to have a dispassionate discussion then I suggest contacting a professional third party for support/mediation as this would appear to have been playing on your mind for sometime.  There are several reasons why your girlfriend may feel she is not financially liable to you e.g., she does the majority of house work or other unpaid and unacknowledged work or it maybe that she earns considerably less than you and is unable to have a financially equal relationship with you.  However, it seems important that whatever the reasons are, for what you feel is an inequality, that this is sorted for both your sakes as if you are being taken advantage of then your girlfriends needs to understand that life is not lived for free and with maturity comes responsibility.  I hope this helps and good luck to both of you.

Emlouhi

It sounds as though she may be taking advantage of you financially currently which isn't fair. Have an open and honest conversation about it, communicate with her and maybe try to find a solution. 
If you are in a long term relationship, a possible solution to the issue you've mentioned may be to set up a joint bank account. You can each contribute the same amount of money into the account every month which can be used for outgoings such as holidays, rent, weddings, dates etc. 

Beeman28

You have nearly arrived at the point when you realize that you have invested so much money that the only way to recover your assets is to marry her. It's the 'Tender Trap' and some men will be pleased you raised it. On the other hand if you really want it back then she is well rid of you. Don't look on the money as a loan but as an a payment for the enjoyment you both shared. Some things don't have a money tag - Martin and money are fooling you.

cannugec5

I think it is really unfair to make decisions without the girlfriends side of the story. Where is her list of money owed and due? What about the car she bought for them both and he never contributed to, as promised? What about his three children that she is feeding as well as their own joint offspring, from her wages alone? 

He is claiming payments  for the 3 weddings  they attended together in Devon. She funded the wedding trip to Bali. She owes for MacDonald’s but paid for the Michelin starred restaurant on his birthday....