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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my girlfriend to repay me or let it go?

edited 12 January 2021 at 3:00PM in Marriage, relationships & families
92 replies 66.2K views
MSE_KelvinMSE_Kelvin MSE Staff
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This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 My girlfriend owes me about £2,000 for previous holidays, rent, house bills, weddings etc. Most have been small amounts, but have accumulated over time. Whenever I raise the topic of money with her, she gets very defensive and quite aggressive. Other than this, we have a really good relationship and I don't want to end it over a money issue.

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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  • edited 12 January 2021 at 3:28PM
    pphillipspphillips Forumite
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    edited 12 January 2021 at 3:28PM
    I think the question is whether you lent her money, which she agreed that she would repay. She might have thought that at the time they were gifts and is annoyed that you are now asking to be reimbursed.
  • NBLondonNBLondon Forumite
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    If it's small amounts over time - it may well have been assumed to be gifts rather than loans and chasing them won't get you very far.   So the question is then - how do you make it clear the next time that you are expecting repayment?

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  • edited 12 January 2021 at 6:34PM
    JGB1955JGB1955 Forumite
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    edited 12 January 2021 at 6:34PM
    So... the next time you are invited to a wedding (that may be a LONG time away) ask your girlfriend what she is thinking about buying as your joint gift. Why is she not contributing to rent or house bills if she lives with you?  Sounds like you're a push-over.
    Tell her that you're considering a volunteer National Trust holiday (building dry stone walls).  If she says she's thinking about a holiday in the Maldives say 'oh wow, that's a really nice idea, shall I pay for the taxi to the airport'?
    #2 Saving for Christmas 2023 - £1 a day challenge DONE and DUSTED! £1460£1460
  • hwadsworth52hwadsworth52 Forumite
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    If you don’t want the relationship to end over money matters, why are you asking for advice?
  • cwc1899cwc1899 Forumite
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    If you love her, then love conquers all things and you have to let go what is in the past. Too late for that, however, you must now make it clear to her that she needs to start contributing in her own right and you cannot struggle along any further.
    If she doesn’t want to comply, then you need to also let her go however hard it may be. She is using you as her ‘cash-cow’ and someone like you; a kind soul; will find somebody much more worthy.
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