Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to contribute to Christmas gifts for my family?

Aranyani

crmism said:

Call me a damp squib, but I can't see why you should be expected to indulge in someone else's idea when you've already decided and agreed on an arrangement which sounds eminently sensible. All families are different, but having an American idea pressed on you for the sake of harmony makes a mockery of Christmas and all it stands for. Be firm - don't waste another £50 on something that, in your heart, you don't agree with.

Who says they are pressing her?  They probably just want to include her and not have her feeling left out and unwelcome! 

People are so quick to assume negative motives on here, its a real shame, most people aren't horrible you know!

Pollycat

Aranyani said:

Who says they are pressing her?  They probably just want to include her and not have her feeling left out and unwelcome! 

People are so quick to assume negative motives on here, its a real shame, most people aren't horrible you know!

I think with MSE MMDs, it's impossible not to assume - whether negative or positive - as there is so little information given and no clarification.

longtimelurker2020

keithyno.1 said:

The whole Christmas present thing has become an expensive, commercialised, pathetic joke (or, should I say, nightmare) which causes untold stress, anxiety and hassle - as this ‘dilemma’ proves. 

Answer? ALL adults don’t buy each other anything, end of. Sure, if you’ve got kids, grandkids, nephews, nieces etc then spend some money on them and buy them prezzies. But once they get to 18, that’s it - nothing, zero, zilch.

End of stress! Result!

Talking about pathetic jokes- after years of recycling presents and feigning surprised pleasure we slowly slid into the practice of exchanging vouchers. It was ridiculous, especially as we all knew each couple in the family (including the pensioner in-laws!) was doing mental arithmetic to figure out if they’d made a profit or loss. Cue angry conversations in the car: 
“I can’t believe they gave us a £25 voucher when we gave them a total of £75 worth of vouchers”
“Well I told you not to give them each a voucher - it should’ve been per household”
“I had to give (niece/nephew) something”
“And the dog? You really had to give the dog a voucher?” 

This year the unfortunate Covid situation has given us an excuse, sorry reason, to kill the voucher idea. So nothing but glad tidings will be exchanged this Christmas. 

Gloria_Steeth

Aranyani said:

Who says they are pressing her?  They probably just want to include her and not have her feeling left out and unwelcome! 

People are so quick to assume negative motives on here, its a real shame, most people aren't horrible you know!

OP herself says: "I feel pressure to be involved, but will have to spend another £50 on his family, having bought all my family's presents myself."

I think we can safely assume she's not feeling all warm 'n' fuzzy about being included in their £50 Secret Santa... 

Aranyani

Gloria_Steeth said:h

Aranyani said:

Who says they are pressing her?  They probably just want to include her and not have her feeling left out and unwelcome! 

People are so quick to assume negative motives on here, its a real shame, most people aren't horrible you know!

OP herself says: "I feel pressure to be involved, but will have to spend another £50 on his family, having bought all my family's presents myself."

I think we can safely assume she's not feeling all warm 'n' fuzzy about being included in their £50 Secret Santa... 

Feeling pressure isn’t the same as others actually intentionally putting her under pressure.  

Pollycat

Regardless of whether the originator of the dilemma feels pressured or is actually being pressured, the fact is she feels uncomfortable enough about the suggestion to contact MSE.