Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to contribute to Christmas gifts for my family?

Aranyani

REJP said:

No.  If you have £50 to spare put it into savings for car repairs or other emergencies.  Secret Santa is nothing to do with the real point of Christmas which people seem to have forgotten.

I don't think there is a 'real point' of Christmas.  Its however people choose to celebrate their midwinter festival, or not if they don't want to.  Don't try to tell me its all about Jesus! 

Pollycat

Aranyani said:

I don't think there is a 'real point' of Christmas.  Its however people choose to celebrate their midwinter festival, or not if they don't want to.  Don't try to tell me its all about Jesus! 

Yes.

I just think it's so sad that things like in this MMD, worry about upsetting in-laws because they expect you to have dinner with them instead of your own parents, concern about affording gifts etc spoils things for so many people.

Aranyani

I don’t think little things like that spoil it for most, they are trivia, for the vast majority it’s just a nice uncomplicated positive day with a big dinner, exchanging of gifts and time with people you care about.   Then normality resumes, it’s not the be all and end all of life but equally it’s not some terrible imposition!! 

Daycart1

Thin end of the wedge it'll be presents for all the family pets and the lady at number 36 next.  Stick with the current situation and don't be coerced or manipulated out of your hard-earned savings and don't even think about a joint bank account no matter how long the relationship lasts.

JayD

There is no need for you to be part of the secret Santa arrangement at all. If your husband wants you to be part of it, then let him buy your contribution to it but please explain that you have no interest in it and have enough expense with your own family presents - which is why you agreed to do it separately in the first place.

Of course, how you arrange finances between you is up to you both but speaking personally, I prefer my husband and myself to share all incomings and outgoings, having a joint bank and credit card account. We enjoy choosing presents for all of our family members together, which are then genuinely from us both. Maybe this would suit you both better another year?

Aranyani

JayD said:

There is no need for you to be part of the secret Santa arrangement at all. If your husband wants you to be part of it, then let him buy your contribution to it but please explain that you have no interest in it and have enough expense with your own family presents - which is why you agreed to do it separately in the first place.

Would you really be that unpleasant to your partner's family? 

meknowalot-51

You say that you've already bought your families presents,as previously agreed,with both your names going on them.Why are you expecting to fork out another £50?Tell him to stick with the original plan he made with you and put his hand in his pocket.If you recieve any sort of confrontation from him over this then just start to think what the future could be like with the potential inlaws forever  cracking the whip over your plans.Communication is key,you must talk and hope he agrees otherwise ask yourself if you want to be long term with him.

Pollycat

Aranyani said:

I don’t think little things like that spoil it for most, they are trivia, for the vast majority it’s just a nice uncomplicated positive day with a big dinner, exchanging of gifts and time with people you care about.   Then normality resumes, it’s not the be all and end all of life but equally it’s not some terrible imposition!! 

Seen lots of angst-ridden posts on here, heard lots on TV morning shows and listened to friends to convince me that for a lot of people, Christmas is an occasion to be dreaded rather than looked forward to.

Pollycat

Aranyani said:

Would you really be that unpleasant to your partner's family? 

I don't see it as being unpleasant at all.

The OP wants to stick to the original arrangement between him/her and partner where she is responsible for buying gifts for her side of the family and he for his side.

I really don't see why a change of plan by your partner's family should mean you feel pressured/obligated to spend more than you planned.

Gibboted

If you are uncomfortable with the cost and taking part then say you are not taking part or get them to buy for you as a couple and only pay for one gift?  If you feel you cannot do either of these things then I would say you need to pay yourself and play as you will be getting a gift bought for you in return?!