Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to contribute to Christmas gifts for my family?

Gibboted

PS we buy our own families gifts but if we had this and we couldnt afford to do it the family would either reduce the per head amount or accept us being a joint gift - Christmas should be about not making yourself more poor!

primrose_penguin

My friend does a secret santa with her large family, nobody knows who has bought the gift they receive. I think your partner should do the same as other years and buy the 2 secret santa gifts for his family himself, he doesn't have to spend the full £50 on each, surely it would work out a lot less for him than buying for the whole family. That is the whole point of secret santa, it is not supposed to be as expensive as buying for everyone, and is a bit of fun for all involved.

Aranyani

Pollycat said:

Aranyani said:

I don’t think little things like that spoil it for most, they are trivia, for the vast majority it’s just a nice uncomplicated positive day with a big dinner, exchanging of gifts and time with people you care about.   Then normality resumes, it’s not the be all and end all of life but equally it’s not some terrible imposition!! 

Seen lots of angst-ridden posts on here, heard lots on TV morning shows and listened to friends to convince me that for a lot of people, Christmas is an occasion to be dreaded rather than looked forward to.

I’m sure it is for some, probably depends on what you class as a lot.  People who see it as just a nice day don’t make good TV! 

Aurora12

Let him do his own family thing - with him just putting his £50 in for a gift from his family. Secret Santa's are a 'bit of fun' - certainly NOT worth blowing £50 on - when his family probably don't know you well enough to spend/(waste?) that amount on something you may not even like/want!   I wouldn't consider spending a relatively large amount on a Secret Santa - where it's "pot luck" who you get to buy for - even if it was a family member I've known for my 60+ years of life - people have personal preferences, which you won't be aware of. I'd resent receiving £50 worth which someone else decided "might" go down well!

liney

I'm not sure why people are saying secret Santa is a waste of money. It's a actually a very cost effective way of making sure neither have to buy or receive a load of old tat! Buy one, nice gift for a reasonable amount of money, and hopefully, receive one nice gift.

Now for the OP- the way to make it fair is that they add £100 (2x secret santa) to the cost of her family's presents and then split that cost in half. EG if the OPs gifts cost £125 then the total is £225. Each party should pay £112.50. All gifts are covered; both persons will have contributed the same amount, and both persons will receive gifts in return. 

Pollycat

I became disenchanted by secret santa when I worked in an office and you could put down one thing that you really, really didn't want.

I really, really didn't want any makeup (I don't wear it, never have except in my teens and early 20s).

I spent ages looking for a really nice gift for my 'person'.

The gift to me was a box of cheap eye shadows. 

I declined to join in the following year.

The idea of spending £50 on someone that I might not know that well and the reciprocal spending of £50 on me by someone who doesn't know my tastes is appalling to me.

joburton4321

If you take part in the Secret Santa, you’ll also get a gift in return, so as I see it, it’s a case of take part (give and receive a gift) or don’t take part. It’s got nothing to do with your partner contributing to your family’s presents. 

keithyno.1

The whole Christmas present thing has become an expensive, commercialised, pathetic joke (or, should I say, nightmare) which causes untold stress, anxiety and hassle - as this ‘dilemma’ proves. 

Answer? ALL adults don’t buy each other anything, end of. Sure, if you’ve got kids, grandkids, nephews, nieces etc then spend some money on them and buy them prezzies. But once they get to 18, that’s it - nothing, zero, zilch.

End of stress! Result!

whenever

The main question here seems to be why you don't feel confident in asking him this without the validation of a bunch of strangers. Clearly you think it is the right thing to do as this changes the basis of your agreement so just do it. If you think he's going to be difficult or selfish over a relatively small amount of money then is this really a person you want to be sharing much bigger financial (and emotional) decisions with?

crmism

Call me a damp squib, but I can't see why you should be expected to indulge in someone else's idea when you've already decided and agreed on an arrangement which sounds eminently sensible. All families are different, but having an American idea pressed on you for the sake of harmony makes a mockery of Christmas and all it stands for. Be firm - don't waste another £50 on something that, in your heart, you don't agree with.