Separating and Divorcing Husband Who Is Very Difficult

pjcox2005

You obviously know the personalities better than us but from reading cold it feels like this is adding to the stress on covert valuations etc rather than giving a cleaner break. Nobody likes to feel hard done by but sometimes facilitating a cleaner break may be better for health.
Sounds like things have moved on but I would personally go with selling house and starting afresh for all. 50:50 custody if that what the dad wants unless he is deemed to be unsafe - you mention he failed during the flooding but he was also able to pick up child at school on time at short notice when mum was running late so seems to have awareness of routines etc. 
On goods, put a sensible estimate on things as they go through and use the time better to help the mum prepare for new life as I think you're adding stress personally but I am probably naïve. As mentioned I know nobody wants to feel they've "lost" but we're talking a couple of thousand max which over a life time is small and probably can be saved through other sensible methods.
I'd suggest both parents also have a discussion together with the child, they may be young but they'll be picking up the tension if things are as bad as painted (although I'm not sure neatness/where things are stored) and separation will happen so give them a chance to be prepared.
Appreciate all easier said than done if someone is in the middle of it all and the emotions it brings.

sassyblue

burlingtonfl6 said:

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she is a better parent and it's a bit arrogant of her to be '' ok with it in principal''

He is the father and has exactly the same rights as her!

You're right, he does. So he ought to pull his finger out and get sorted with accommodation and answer his wife's questions as they are completely legitimate ones and one a Judge won’t take kindly to if this were to end up in court.  A judge won’t grant 50/50 custody to a parent who says the child will share their bed for a start it’s a huge no no.

working for a divorce lawyer I see too many men demand 50/50 custody when, in reality, their circumstances won’t allow it, like their work pattern usually meaning longer working hours they won’t be able to do the school runs. Of course the REAL reason men say they want to share custody is because they don’t want to pay child maintenance for their own children. Sad really.

sassyblue

elsien said:

How dad gets him to and from school is his concern, as long as he does it. Obviously it would benefit the child to have consistency but mum can’t dictate the care that is given by dad as long as the child is safe. 

No mum can't dictate but she has a right to know who her child is with and who is caring for them and the same the other way round. 

Aranyani

burlingtonfl6 said:

BigMac79 said:

They are almost agreed financially so I wouldnt imagine that is much of an issue.
He wants 50/50 custody which in principal she is ok with but obviously there are finer details to sort out first like where is he going to be living, where will the son sleep when with dad, how will he get him to and from school once he returns to the office? Obviously this incident just highlights his short comings as he has never had to have any real responsibility for anything as she has always just sorted everything out. 
The assumption is that he hasn't actually thought about any of the actual details beyond simply wanting 50/50 custody.

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she is a better parent and it's a bit arrogant of her to be '' ok with it in principal''
He is the father and has exactly the same rights as her!

Children have rights, parents have responsibilities. 

burlingtonfl6

Aranyani said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

BigMac79 said:

They are almost agreed financially so I wouldnt imagine that is much of an issue.
He wants 50/50 custody which in principal she is ok with but obviously there are finer details to sort out first like where is he going to be living, where will the son sleep when with dad, how will he get him to and from school once he returns to the office? Obviously this incident just highlights his short comings as he has never had to have any real responsibility for anything as she has always just sorted everything out. 
The assumption is that he hasn't actually thought about any of the actual details beyond simply wanting 50/50 custody.

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she is a better parent and it's a bit arrogant of her to be '' ok with it in principal''
He is the father and has exactly the same rights as her!

Children have rights, parents have responsibilities. 

You'd be the first to complain about your rights if you had them removed.

burlingtonfl6

sassyblue said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she is a better parent and it's a bit arrogant of her to be '' ok with it in principal''

He is the father and has exactly the same rights as her!

You're right, he does. So he ought to pull his finger out and get sorted with accommodation and answer his wife's questions as they are completely legitimate ones and one a Judge won’t take kindly to if this were to end up in court.  A judge won’t grant 50/50 custody to a parent who says the child will share their bed for a start it’s a huge no no.

working for a divorce lawyer I see too many men demand 50/50 custody when, in reality, their circumstances won’t allow it, like their work pattern usually meaning longer working hours they won’t be able to do the school runs. Of course the REAL reason men say they want to share custody is because they don’t want to pay child maintenance for their own children. Sad really.

The whole system revolves around benefiting women/mothers over fathers and statistics prove this.
There is nothing wrong with a 50/50 split if both parents are willing. 
The REAL reason the women you mention don't like a 50/50 split is because they can't use the child as a bargaining chip.

Aranyani

burlingtonfl6 said:

Aranyani said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

BigMac79 said:

They are almost agreed financially so I wouldnt imagine that is much of an issue.
He wants 50/50 custody which in principal she is ok with but obviously there are finer details to sort out first like where is he going to be living, where will the son sleep when with dad, how will he get him to and from school once he returns to the office? Obviously this incident just highlights his short comings as he has never had to have any real responsibility for anything as she has always just sorted everything out. 
The assumption is that he hasn't actually thought about any of the actual details beyond simply wanting 50/50 custody.

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she is a better parent and it's a bit arrogant of her to be '' ok with it in principal''
He is the father and has exactly the same rights as her!

Children have rights, parents have responsibilities. 

You'd be the first to complain about your rights if you had them removed.

Well yeah I would, everybody should complain in that situation, that isn't in any way relevant to what I said though. 

Parents can see their children because the child has a right to a relationship with both parents, not because the parent has a right to see the child.  When parents can't agree and courts get involved, the decision is always made in the child's best interests, what the parents want doesn't matter. 

elsien

sassyblue said:

elsien said:

How dad gets him to and from school is his concern, as long as he does it. Obviously it would benefit the child to have consistency but mum can’t dictate the care that is given by dad as long as the child is safe. 

No mum can't dictate but she has a right to know who her child is with and who is caring for them and the same the other way round. 

The child is with their mum/dad. Or whatever arrangements they have deemed suitable if they are working and need an alternative. Which doesn’t need the permission  of the other partner. 

BigMac79

burlingtonfl6 said:

BigMac79 said:

They are almost agreed financially so I wouldnt imagine that is much of an issue.
He wants 50/50 custody which in principal she is ok with but obviously there are finer details to sort out first like where is he going to be living, where will the son sleep when with dad, how will he get him to and from school once he returns to the office? Obviously this incident just highlights his short comings as he has never had to have any real responsibility for anything as she has always just sorted everything out. 
The assumption is that he hasn't actually thought about any of the actual details beyond simply wanting 50/50 custody.

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she is a better parent and it's a bit arrogant of her to be '' ok with it in principal''
He is the father and has exactly the same rights as her!

She’s ok “in principal” because as it stands right now this man hasn’t disclosed any plans he has about where he will live - could be planning to sleep on a friends sofa for all she knows, he’s repeatedly shown himself to be completely devoid of any parental responsibility particularly when it interferes with any plans he has and has only made minimal effort to actually be a dad to his son. His first interest has only come about as a result of this separation and even now he’s trying to be more of a mate than a father. 

What she doesn’t want is to agree something then tell son what will be happening only for dad to suddenly realise he can’t actually do what he said he wanted and for the son to be messed around even more and what will obviously be a difficult time for him. Dad is notoriously unreliable at the best of times. 

sassyblue

elsien said:

sassyblue said:

elsien said:

How dad gets him to and from school is his concern, as long as he does it. Obviously it would benefit the child to have consistency but mum can’t dictate the care that is given by dad as long as the child is safe. 

No mum can't dictate but she has a right to know who her child is with and who is caring for them and the same the other way round. 

The child is with their mum/dad. Or whatever arrangements they have deemed suitable if they are working and need an alternative. Which doesn’t need the permission  of the other partner. 

Again, wrong in the sense that the father (in this case) needs to tell the mother who the child is with if he’s using a carer.  The mother can withhold contact until she knows who is caring for her child and can also withhold contact if she has very good reason to suspect that person is not a suitable person to care for her child.  This is how court cases for contact often begin.

Technically she may not need to give 'permission' but she certainly needs to consent.