Separating and Divorcing Husband Who Is Very Difficult

AskAsk

Aranyani said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

elsien said:

squirrelchops2 said:

Would she consider going to the Police as coercive control is now recognised as an act of domestic abuse alongside the emotional abuse he has inflicted on her. The Police could look at issuing a DVPO - domestic violence prevention order and having him live away from the house for 28 days thus giving her some space to get things sorted.

Does there not have to be some evidence for this? 

Just thinking of a non abusive relative who got a harassment warning on the basis of just the ex’s word for contacting her to arrange how to pick up the children for their court agreed visit. Which is very unfair. 

Yeah, I never understood the ''Believe all women'' motto
Do all women tell the truth now? 

The issue is more that when women aren't believed they end up dead far too frequently. 

   i shouldn't laugh at this comment, but it is really funny and so apt.  yes, very true indeed.

Aranyani

AskAsk said:

Aranyani said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

elsien said:

squirrelchops2 said:

Would she consider going to the Police as coercive control is now recognised as an act of domestic abuse alongside the emotional abuse he has inflicted on her. The Police could look at issuing a DVPO - domestic violence prevention order and having him live away from the house for 28 days thus giving her some space to get things sorted.

Does there not have to be some evidence for this? 

Just thinking of a non abusive relative who got a harassment warning on the basis of just the ex’s word for contacting her to arrange how to pick up the children for their court agreed visit. Which is very unfair. 

Yeah, I never understood the ''Believe all women'' motto
Do all women tell the truth now? 

The issue is more that when women aren't believed they end up dead far too frequently. 

   i shouldn't laugh at this comment, but it is really funny and so apt.  yes, very true indeed.

Its not remotely funny.

AskAsk

Aranyani said:

AskAsk said:

Aranyani said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

elsien said:

squirrelchops2 said:

Would she consider going to the Police as coercive control is now recognised as an act of domestic abuse alongside the emotional abuse he has inflicted on her. The Police could look at issuing a DVPO - domestic violence prevention order and having him live away from the house for 28 days thus giving her some space to get things sorted.

Does there not have to be some evidence for this? 

Just thinking of a non abusive relative who got a harassment warning on the basis of just the ex’s word for contacting her to arrange how to pick up the children for their court agreed visit. Which is very unfair. 

Yeah, I never understood the ''Believe all women'' motto
Do all women tell the truth now? 

The issue is more that when women aren't believed they end up dead far too frequently. 

   i shouldn't laugh at this comment, but it is really funny and so apt.  yes, very true indeed.

Its not remotely funny.

i know it isn't funny as the subject is serious, but it is so blatantly obvious that this is why people do listen to women who states that they are a victim, as without doing so, and it has been proved in the past, often the result is that the woman ends up either dead or with serious injuries, as well as the children.

BigMac79

Unfortunately she’s not in a position to move elsewhere. She can’t afford rent and bills on top of her current mortgage, bills, credit commitments etc. 

She’s spoken to a solicitor and was advised to bring all of this behaviour up in mediation in the hope that he will want to appear to be the good guy to any third parties. She has emailed this to the mediator so that he’s aware. She doesn’t want to instruct the solicitor to do anything at this stage, even he advised her the same. He said to see how mediation goes first. 

Today she has arranged to leave work early to collect son from school. Unfortunately she was held up and left a few minutes later than planned. Dad turned up anyway and picked him up, claiming she hadn’t told him. When she got home she completely lost it at him. I’m sure he’ll now use this as ammo against her. 

The stress of the whole thing is really getting to her and I’m worried for her. This could drag on for months, I doubt he will be in a hurry to reach any sort of amicable resolution. 

sassyblue

I saw in your first post about worrying he will get custody and in the post above you mention him using their argument as 'ammo' against her.

As a legal Secretary for a divorce lawyer let me assure you - children almost always end up living with their mothers - there has to be something seriously wrong with the mother and her care if she 'loses' custody and even then it’s not one hearing that decides it, it’s usually a long drawn out procedure where both parents are observed separately with the child(ren) and reports made by social workers between Court Hearings, so you can reassure your friend what happened in that argument was the usual stresses and strains of family life and as long as there was no violence on her part, it should not in any way be detrimental to her.

Lawyers are used to the dads saying they are going for custody of the children, as in your friends case, by controlling partners, as a means to further upset them.  Pay no attention.

burlingtonfl6

Aranyani said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

elsien said:

squirrelchops2 said:

Would she consider going to the Police as coercive control is now recognised as an act of domestic abuse alongside the emotional abuse he has inflicted on her. The Police could look at issuing a DVPO - domestic violence prevention order and having him live away from the house for 28 days thus giving her some space to get things sorted.

Does there not have to be some evidence for this? 

Just thinking of a non abusive relative who got a harassment warning on the basis of just the ex’s word for contacting her to arrange how to pick up the children for their court agreed visit. Which is very unfair. 

Yeah, I never understood the ''Believe all women'' motto
Do all women tell the truth now? 

The issue is more that when women aren't believed they end up dead far too frequently. 

Heaven forbid they should go off evidence.
And just so no one is unsure, if you hit your partner, male or female, you deserve to be put away for a long time!

BigMac79

Ok interesting question. He’s suddenly open to the idea of being bought out, obviously he’s asking for top end money. He wants to see statements of the debts in her name. She’s told him he can get them from her solicitor once the deal is agreed.  Obviously most loans are in her name. 

I’ve pointed out to her that his “clutter” that dominates the house may be of value. It is mainly Warhammer (and other similar things) figures, a gaming collection, DVDs, books etc. I know the dvds and books probably aren’t worth a lot but the sheer volume of them should actually have a decent value. It’s the Warhammer stuff I’m thinking is probably worth something given how much he’s spent on it. Would it be reasonable to expect him to catalogue the entire collection and for them both to arrange for independent valuations on it? I’m thinking the value of this stuff to him is way more than it’s cash value to her. 

Savvy_Sue

I'm not convinced that Warhammer stuff has that much secondhand value. I may be wrong, but part of the appeal (to those it appeals to) is in assembling and painting your own figurines and assembling precisely your own preferred style of army. Playing with it afterwards - while it's time consuming - seems to be incidental. 

Well, maybe I am wrong, I've just googled secondhand Warhammer and there does seem to be quite a lot of it on offer. How easily it sells, I don't know, but this is one example of a site dedicated to it. With crazy prices, IMO! obviously they are the selling prices not the buying prices. 

Whether it's reasonable or not to expect him to catalogue it doesn't really matter. He won't, will he? 

BigMac79

No of course he won’t. But how else would they go about negotiating the splitting of assets without knowing exactly what there is?

BigMac79

So he has a business he’s set up earlier this year and his collection of stuff. He doesn’t know that she knows about the business. 

What happens if he fails to declare these at mediation stage?