Husband had an affair for a year :-(

kimwp

L9XSS said:

Edit. Move the OPs husband or mistress..........

I don't think it's reasonable to move the other woman (unless she wants) - she's done literally nothing wrong - in fact has been duped as well - not only into a relationship but into hurting the OP.

gettingtheresometime

kimwp said:

L9XSS said:

Edit. Move the OPs husband or mistress..........

I don't think it's reasonable to move the other woman (unless she wants) - she's done literally nothing wrong - in fact has been duped as well - not only into a relationship but into hurting the OP.

How has she been duped? Given they all work together, the woman knew the husband was married.
I'm not trying to push the blame onto her but she can hardly claim she thought the husband was separated/divorced/single

nora_nora

gettingtheresometime said:

kimwp said:

L9XSS said:

Edit. Move the OPs husband or mistress..........

I don't think it's reasonable to move the other woman (unless she wants) - she's done literally nothing wrong - in fact has been duped as well - not only into a relationship but into hurting the OP.

How has she been duped? Given they all work together, the woman knew the husband was married.
I'm not trying to push the blame onto her but she can hardly claim she thought the husband was separated/divorced/single

Kimwp what planet are you on? The other woman knew he was married to someone in the same office & was part of keeping it hidden for a year. She's done everything wrong.

Alias_Omega

wellthisisawkward said:

So this is so awkward I’ve created a separate account to post this. I’ve been married for 15 years, happily so I thought and I find out today that last autumn my husband had an affair with a work colleague. The physical side lasted 3 months, but they continue to send flirty messages until today. He is begging me not to go, but I have no where to go, I want to believe he doesn’t know why he did it, but how can I. The worst bit is I asked him several times if he was sleeping with her and he denied it to the point of gaslighting me so bad I thought I needed councelling for my trust issues. Her husband knows. They’re in an open marriage apparently but I can only keep saying but we arent. He says he loves me only me but how can I believe and trust him

I can’t leave I have no money and I can’t scream because t will upset the children. Lost doesn’t even describe how I’m feeling. What do I do

Dropped you a PM.

74jax

gettingtheresometime said:

kimwp said:

L9XSS said:

Edit. Move the OPs husband or mistress..........

I don't think it's reasonable to move the other woman (unless she wants) - she's done literally nothing wrong - in fact has been duped as well - not only into a relationship but into hurting the OP.

How has she been duped? Given they all work together, the woman knew the husband was married.
I'm not trying to push the blame onto her but she can hardly claim she thought the husband was separated/divorced/single

The mistress is in an open marriage. The ops husband said he was too, so the mistress was of the opinion op knew all about it. It has only become apparent to the mistress the op knew nothing about it and the ops husband lied to them both. 

ameliarate

For me it was the lying I couldn’t cope with, it made me feel that everything I thought we had was a lie. I was lucky in that I didn’t have children with the cheating ***** I was married to.  I hate liars, once you know they lie you can’t trust a word they say. 

ElephantBoy57

74jax said:

The mistress is in an open marriage. The ops husband said he was too, so the mistress was of the opinion op knew all about it. It has only become apparent to the mistress the op knew nothing about it and the ops husband lied to them both.

I think that the OP should take everything her husband tells her with a pinch of salt.

If he can tell lies about the relationship, what other lies are there? Maybe he has stashed £10k in a different bank account just in case?

Pollycat

ameliarate said:

For me it was the lying I couldn’t cope with, it made me feel that everything I thought we had was a lie. I was lucky in that I didn’t have children with the cheating ***** I was married to.  I hate liars, once you know they lie you can’t trust a word they say. 

Yes.

To deny the affair when asked to the extent that he made the OP feel she was the one in the wrong would be a deal-breaker for me.

If he had come clean at that point, there might be some hope.

(I'm speaking from how I would see it, not how the OP sees or should see it).

nora_nora

Cut a chilli in half and rub it in the inside of his pants. Let him think he's caught something nasty from old droopy drawers.

wellthisisawkward

nora_nora said:

Cut a chilli in half and rub it in the inside of his pants. Let him think he's caught something nasty from old droopy drawers.

Nora_nora I love this idea, but actually I have ordered him to go for an STI check, especially after talking to the OW and her strange boasting about how many men she had been with. It was an odd conversation but some of the stuff she said, whilst confirming how short lived the physical side was and her insistence she ‘loved’ my husband and it was mutual made me realise it wasn’t and he didn’t love her. It’s hard to explain, just nuances in what was said.