What’s acceptable

bungalow123

Sea_Shell said:

bungalow123 said:

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

I meant they might put upon you!  For your time, your assistance, your company.  How old are they?  Not getting any younger (as are we all) obviously.   

I've seen it happen first hand.  What starts out temporary ends up permanent, usually for unforseen reasons, but a drip, drip, drip of their increasing needs.   

People lose "themselves" to circumstances sometimes. 

They’re in their 70s but work out in the gym 5 days a week, not a typical older couple 😂 They’re fitter than most, still strong independent people, they won’t be relying on me at all, and will be encouraging me out asap

onwards&upwards

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

47 isn’t old, you’ve got 20 years left before retirement and many more years to enjoy after that!  You are definitely too old to move back in with your parents though! 

I don’t want to move back it with my parents I’m dreading it but what other choice do I have, the job market isn’t booming right now ☹️

Is it really fair on your parents to expect to just move back in?  

Your other choice is to live like an independent adult!  Would I be right in assuming that you've only ever lived with your husband or your parents?  Never alone or with a housemate?

There are lots of job opportunities out there, in retail, health and care especially.  Have you ever worked at all?  How long has it been?

My parents are actually looking forward to me moving back, I’ve worked most of my life up until COVID started, I moved out at 16 and lived on my own and with friends till I met my husband.

Then I'm struggling to understand why you are so unwilling to stand on your own two feet as a middle aged adult woman and mother. 

Sorry I don’t quite understand your comment, I’m not unwilling to stand on my own two feet I am more than capable, but like I’ve said I’m not wasting money on renting, when I can get a job   Hopefully ASAP, I’ll have enough cash from the sale of my house to buy a house outright and a job to pay bills etc. Nothing to do with not being incapable more a fact of being sensible.

Rent isn't wasted money, its money you spent to have a place to live.

The fact is, most women of your age in your situation wouldn't even contemplate moving in with their parents, I'm just struggling to understand why you're jumping to that option.  Do you feel you will need their emotional support?

onwards&upwards

bungalow123 said:

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

It was your parents suggestion?  But your husband only told you yesterday lunchtime that he was moving out, and only for a week!  

Shelldean

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

It was your parents suggestion?  But your husband only told you yesterday lunchtime that he was moving out, and only for a week!  

Glad it's not just me who thinks this has moved very fast!
From him going out once a week, to this? In a few days?

onwards&upwards

Shelldean said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

It was your parents suggestion?  But your husband only told you yesterday lunchtime that he was moving out, and only for a week!  

Glad it's not just me who thinks this has moved very fast!
From him going out once a week, to this? In a few days?

Not even a few days, a few hours. 

The thread was started yesterday morning, the update on the husband moving out for a week was at 12.50

Shelldean

onwards&upwards said:

Shelldean said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

It was your parents suggestion?  But your husband only told you yesterday lunchtime that he was moving out, and only for a week!  

Glad it's not just me who thinks this has moved very fast!
From him going out once a week, to this? In a few days?

Not even a few days, a few hours. 

The thread was started yesterday morning, the update on the husband moving out for a week was at 12.50

I'll be honest I've not a clue what today's date is!!  Just aware it's Friday lol
And I also didn't go back to the beginning to check the date of the firstpost! So have the benefit of the doubt!

HampshireH

he drinks to the point that he can’t remember things, comes home absolutely wasted

Sounds like a catch..... I'm sure they will be queuing up to have him move in and roll in drunk every night


Sounds like either not the full story or some very rash decisions being made here.

Have a week without him and go from there. He has said he is having breathing space. Let him have it and then have a sober adult conversation once he returns and find out what each of your issues are.

Go from there. Sounds like communication is a big issue here 

74jax

HampshireH said:

he drinks to the point that he can’t remember things, comes home absolutely wasted

Sounds like a catch..... I'm sure they will be queuing up to have him move in and roll in drunk every night


Sounds like either not the full story or some very rash decisions being made here.

Have a week without him and go from there. He has said he is having breathing space. Let him have it and then have a sober adult conversation once he returns and find out what each of your issues are.

Go from there. Sounds like communication is a big issue here 

I believe he's already moved on and has someone new. 

Slinky

If you were working up until Covid struck, why would you describe yourself as a 'housewife' as you did in a very early post? I got the impression you hadn't worked for years. There's something very odd about this tale.