What’s acceptable

littlegreenparrot

onwards&upwards said:

Torry_Quine said:

74jax said:

bungalow123 said:

KxMx said:

I have friends who are happily married, I see them mainly on their own as I did before they were married. You don't have to go around in couples only.

But their husbands don’t go out and I don’t want to intrude ☹️

How on earth do you plan on asking them? YOU MUST COME OUT FOR A COFFEE WITH ME AND I WON'T TAKE NO AS AN ANSWER.
Or
Fancy a walk at the weekend and maybe a coffee if we can get one somewhere?
If they have plans they'll say so, if not you go out for a coffee.
I don't understand the intruding..... 🤔 

Makes sense to me. I'm on my own now but I wouldn't have invited one half of a couple on their own generally. I would have found  it strange not to do things together. 

Its strange to never do anything apart!  

I was just about to make this point. I do things on my own or with my friends/ family all the time - as does he. 
Frankly we are both much happier that way, it's ok to have separate interests. 

I think now might be a good time to start looking about and thinking about what you're interested in. 
There is work in some sectors. Maybe have a look at Futurelearn, or possible adult education. 

Are there local groups you could join, crafting, choir, WI, fitness classes, volunteering. Anything that would help you build confidence and your own independent social circle. 
If it does all go pear shaped you have started to build a support network that can help, if not you have your own stuff going on so him going out might not be such an issue. 

MovingForwards

@bungalow123 I didn't move in with family, my family are back near where I used to live.  Never once did I think about moving into the house I grew up in.

While I did try and make my marriage work, I also planned for a single life and gave up trying to save the marriage after a year / nearly a year of living apart.

I completely started over, new life, new career, new friends etc. I had enough money in the bank to cover my portion of rent / bills on a shared flat, bus fares for interviews and food for a couple of months.

I got suits and smart dresses from the charity shop for interviews as I could only fit so much in my car when relocating, prioritised what I wanted of my personal possessions and piled my car high. Before doing the final move I made a few trips with carrier bags or put a few extra things in my car and left them in the flat share I was moving to. 

My old life seems like a million years ago now.

I made my new life work and I always try and comment on these threads to show there is life after a long-term relationship.

bungalow123

It’s so good to hear cause right now I can’t see light at the end of the tunnel. I should have enough money to buy somewhere close to my parents as they live in a much cheaper area than me, if I can find a job. The whole thought of starting a new life terrifies me but to hear people happier once they’ve moved on, gives me hope x

calleyw

bungalow123 said:

The whole thought of starting a new life terrifies me but to hear people happier once they’ve moved on, gives me hope x

What you have said there is why so many people stay in bad relationships, jobs etc.  As the unknown always scares people.  And what is the old saying better the devil you know.

I wish you all the best

Yours

Calley x

Torry_Quine

onwards&upwards said:

Torry_Quine said:

74jax said:

bungalow123 said:

KxMx said:

I have friends who are happily married, I see them mainly on their own as I did before they were married. You don't have to go around in couples only.

But their husbands don’t go out and I don’t want to intrude ☹️

How on earth do you plan on asking them? YOU MUST COME OUT FOR A COFFEE WITH ME AND I WON'T TAKE NO AS AN ANSWER.
Or
Fancy a walk at the weekend and maybe a coffee if we can get one somewhere?
If they have plans they'll say so, if not you go out for a coffee.
I don't understand the intruding..... 🤔 

Makes sense to me. I'm on my own now but I wouldn't have invited one half of a couple on their own generally. I would have found  it strange not to do things together. 

Its strange to never do anything apart!  

Well it wasn't strange to us, it was normal. We neither of us had many friends at any stage of our lives either before or during our marriage.  It worked for us for over 30 years. 

onwards&upwards

Torry_Quine said:

onwards&upwards said:

Torry_Quine said:

74jax said:

bungalow123 said:

KxMx said:

I have friends who are happily married, I see them mainly on their own as I did before they were married. You don't have to go around in couples only.

But their husbands don’t go out and I don’t want to intrude ☹️

How on earth do you plan on asking them? YOU MUST COME OUT FOR A COFFEE WITH ME AND I WON'T TAKE NO AS AN ANSWER.
Or
Fancy a walk at the weekend and maybe a coffee if we can get one somewhere?
If they have plans they'll say so, if not you go out for a coffee.
I don't understand the intruding..... 🤔 

Makes sense to me. I'm on my own now but I wouldn't have invited one half of a couple on their own generally. I would have found  it strange not to do things together. 

Its strange to never do anything apart!  

Well it wasn't strange to us, it was normal. We neither of us had many friends at any stage of our lives either before or during our marriage.  It worked for us for over 30 years. 

I’m sorry to hear you’ve missed out.  Good friends are one of the things that makes our lives happier, healthier and more worthwhile.  There’s no reason why anybody has to choose between friends or partner, both are important! 

I’m sorry you are on your own now but hope you will be able to use this time to forge some friendships.  They are vital to staying well as you get older, and are proven to protect against dementia and other illnesses.

pollypenny

What a sad story. I wish you the best, OP. You've had some good advice here, I would add that you should try to stay in the house. Moving back to your parents area because it's cheaper might mean that there are fewer job opportunities. 

bungalow123

thank you ❤️ He told over text he was moving out, after 24 years 😭 I’ll stay in the house until it is sold. I’ll only end up with about 100k, even if I got a job here in the Midlands I could only afford to rent ☹️ But in Lincolnshire where my parents live I can afford to buy something. I don’t want to leave my kids and friends but the positives, buying a house and not ever meeting his new girlfriend once he’s moved on, I suppose is a plus xx

Comms69

bungalow123 said:

thank you ❤️ He told over text he was moving out, after 24 years 😭 I’ll stay in the house until it is sold. I’ll only end up with about 100k, even if I got a job here in the Midlands I could only afford to rent ☹️ But in Lincolnshire where my parents live I can afford to buy something. I don’t want to leave my kids and friends but the positives, buying a house and not ever meeting his new girlfriend once he’s moved on, I suppose is a plus xx

Im confused, why would you ever need to meet her anyway?

calleyw

Comms69 said:

bungalow123 said:

thank you ❤️ He told over text he was moving out, after 24 years 😭 I’ll stay in the house until it is sold. I’ll only end up with about 100k, even if I got a job here in the Midlands I could only afford to rent ☹️ But in Lincolnshire where my parents live I can afford to buy something. I don’t want to leave my kids and friends but the positives, buying a house and not ever meeting his new girlfriend once he’s moved on, I suppose is a plus xx

Im confused, why would you ever need to meet her anyway?

Live in the same town, go to the same places to shop, socialise etc that they did when they were couple.

Just because you are no longer couple does not mean you still don't have the same routine. 

Yours

Calley x