What’s acceptable

jackieblack

bungalow123 said:

jackieblack said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

I would second the comment about hasty decisions.
If it comes to it, you would be entitled to a minimum of 50% (possibly more as your earning potential is probably far lower than his after years out of the workplace) of all assets, that’s not just the house, it also includes his pension and any savings.  You may be able to negotiate, for example, a bigger share of the equity in the family home in return for relinquishing any claim on his pension. 

I was able to take over the remaining (modest, as only a few years remaining at the time) mortgage and stay in the family home - I would not have been able to afford to buy anything in my area, nor earn enough to afford to rent,  although I did have to extend the term for the lenders affordability assessment.

Going to seek legal advice next week, any idea how much it’ll cost?

Some solicitors do a free half hour, which is more valuable once you’ve researched the basics yourself and have specific questions relating to your specific circumstances.  Try at get as much information as possible relating to assets (and any debts), bank statements etc. It’s irrelevant whose name any savings are in, everything goes ‘in the pot’. 

I’d suggest having a look at wikivorce https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Guide-To-Divorce.html (but ignore their calculator tool, it’s useless)

onwards&upwards

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

47 isn’t old, you’ve got 20 years left before retirement and many more years to enjoy after that!  You are definitely too old to move back in with your parents though! 

I don’t want to move back it with my parents I’m dreading it but what other choice do I have, the job market isn’t booming right now ☹️

Is it really fair on your parents to expect to just move back in?  

Your other choice is to live like an independent adult!  Would I be right in assuming that you've only ever lived with your husband or your parents?  Never alone or with a housemate?

There are lots of job opportunities out there, in retail, health and care especially.  Have you ever worked at all?  How long has it been?

bungalow123

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

47 isn’t old, you’ve got 20 years left before retirement and many more years to enjoy after that!  You are definitely too old to move back in with your parents though! 

I don’t want to move back it with my parents I’m dreading it but what other choice do I have, the job market isn’t booming right now ☹️

Is it really fair on your parents to expect to just move back in?  

Your other choice is to live like an independent adult!  Would I be right in assuming that you've only ever lived with your husband or your parents?  Never alone or with a housemate?

There are lots of job opportunities out there, in retail, health and care especially.  Have you ever worked at all?  How long has it been?

My parents are actually looking forward to me moving back, I’ve worked most of my life up until COVID started, I moved out at 16 and lived on my own and with friends till I met my husband.

74jax

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

47 isn’t old, you’ve got 20 years left before retirement and many more years to enjoy after that!  You are definitely too old to move back in with your parents though! 

I don’t want to move back it with my parents I’m dreading it but what other choice do I have, the job market isn’t booming right now ☹️

Is it really fair on your parents to expect to just move back in?  

Your other choice is to live like an independent adult!  Would I be right in assuming that you've only ever lived with your husband or your parents?  Never alone or with a housemate?

There are lots of job opportunities out there, in retail, health and care especially.  Have you ever worked at all?  How long has it been?

My parents are actually looking forward to me moving back, I’ve worked most of my life up until COVID started, I moved out at 16 and lived on my own and with friends till I met my husband.

You met your husband early 20s. I'd hardly say you have experience of the big wide world.
My take is you met your husband, settled down, had kids.  He provided for you, you didn't socialise, now don't want to be together so you go home and he's meet someone else who probably does has a job and socialises.
Don't go to your parents, get a job, any job, and stand on your own two feet.
You've gone from asking about spending more time with your husband to moving back with your parents in a matter of days, and you've even discussed it all with them. 

onwards&upwards

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

47 isn’t old, you’ve got 20 years left before retirement and many more years to enjoy after that!  You are definitely too old to move back in with your parents though! 

I don’t want to move back it with my parents I’m dreading it but what other choice do I have, the job market isn’t booming right now ☹️

Is it really fair on your parents to expect to just move back in?  

Your other choice is to live like an independent adult!  Would I be right in assuming that you've only ever lived with your husband or your parents?  Never alone or with a housemate?

There are lots of job opportunities out there, in retail, health and care especially.  Have you ever worked at all?  How long has it been?

My parents are actually looking forward to me moving back, I’ve worked most of my life up until COVID started, I moved out at 16 and lived on my own and with friends till I met my husband.

Then I'm struggling to understand why you are so unwilling to stand on your own two feet as a middle aged adult woman and mother. 

Sea_Shell

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Comms69

You say he’ll meet someone with in days. Unlikely, but even if true. You don’t have to meet her until way down the line. 

And that’s really if needed, kids presumably at an age where they don’t need hand holding for contact etc

bungalow123

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

bungalow123 said:

onwards&upwards said:

If you have children together and your ex has a new partner you will have to meet them at some point for your kid’s sakes, so that weddings, christenings, graduations, birthdays etc. are pleasant and civil.  The same will go for him if and when you meet a new partner.  

Don’t make any hasty decisions to run away that you may regret.  You are a bit old to go running back to your mum and dad, sorry if that sounds harsh!  You may well be entitled to more than 50% too as you stayed at home to support your husband to earn more. 

I appreciate I will meet them at some stage possibly but my husband will be in a new relationship within days, as for me it will take a long time. I don’t have a choice than to move back in with my parents, I don’t work and don’t want to waste money from the sale of the house on rent and living. Yeah I’m old 😂 47 but needs must.

47 isn’t old, you’ve got 20 years left before retirement and many more years to enjoy after that!  You are definitely too old to move back in with your parents though! 

I don’t want to move back it with my parents I’m dreading it but what other choice do I have, the job market isn’t booming right now ☹️

Is it really fair on your parents to expect to just move back in?  

Your other choice is to live like an independent adult!  Would I be right in assuming that you've only ever lived with your husband or your parents?  Never alone or with a housemate?

There are lots of job opportunities out there, in retail, health and care especially.  Have you ever worked at all?  How long has it been?

My parents are actually looking forward to me moving back, I’ve worked most of my life up until COVID started, I moved out at 16 and lived on my own and with friends till I met my husband.

Then I'm struggling to understand why you are so unwilling to stand on your own two feet as a middle aged adult woman and mother. 

Sorry I don’t quite understand your comment, I’m not unwilling to stand on my own two feet I am more than capable, but like I’ve said I’m not wasting money on renting, when I can get a job   Hopefully ASAP, I’ll have enough cash from the sale of my house to buy a house outright and a job to pay bills etc. Nothing to do with not being incapable more a fact of being sensible.

bungalow123

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

Sea_Shell

bungalow123 said:

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for not moving back in with your parents.   Before long you'll become depended upon, put upon and end up "trapped" there.   They probably won't even realise they are doing it either, especially whilst you're not working.   It'll be so nice and convenient having you around...making you feel guilty when you feel you ARE actually ready to move on with your life.

Firstly it was my parents suggestion, I have no intention on putting on them, I have savings. As soon as I get a job, I can purchase a house outright the job will be to pay bills etc, I will not be staying there any longer than I need to. We all agree that it’s a waste of money renting. The 2 of them live in a 5 bedroom house so won’t be invading their space. They’re not the type to make me feel guilty at all and will encourage me to move on with their support.

I meant they might put upon you!  For your time, your assistance, your company.  How old are they?  Not getting any younger (as are we all) obviously.   

I've seen it happen first hand.  What starts out temporary ends up permanent, usually for unforseen reasons, but a drip, drip, drip of their increasing needs.   

People lose "themselves" to circumstances sometimes.