What’s acceptable

bungalow123

Can I ask how often husbands go out with their friends? I’m saying once a week but my husband wants more. Am I being unreasonable?

comeandgo

I would never dictate how many times my husband went out, it did not bother me.  One of my husband's played football so was out most evenings and weekend.  My present husband goes out without me maybe once every two months.  

onwards&upwards

Depends.

How often do you go out with friends?

Do you have kids and will he be doing his fair share of housework/parenting as well as going out with friends?

If he wants to be out 4 or 5 times a week all evening and leave you to do all the childcare, cooking, and housework then that's not on.  

If its just the two of you and you just don't want him to go out, that's a bit controlling and not reasonable at all. 

Sea_Shell

Is this a new change to his routine, or has he always gone out lots and you're now querying it?

Has he started a new hobby or job that means he's now wanting to mix with a new group of friends?

As above, it he otherwise pulling his weight?

Retireinten

And how much is he spending on his nights out? Is it affordable for you as a family or does this negatively impact your finances? We're a bit old school though in that our finances are entirely joint. 

We rarely go out separately nowadays but that is through choice... if we do it's normally sport related once a week or so. My husband used to play alot of football (2/3 nights a week plus 1 or 2 matches at the weekend).  This only started to bother me when I was left to cook, clean, shop, go to work and be the primary carer for a baby and toddler AND he didn't seem inclined to return the favour!  

If my husband announced he wanted to go out on the lash every week with mates I would be concerned about the cost (he does nothing on a budget 😁) and the drastic change in behaviour as this would be very out of character.  If he wanted to play sport once or twice a week, then that's up to him - as long as he's not eyeing up a £3k golf membership😊. We'd have to talk about that one! 

Only you know what's normal for your partner. 

Pollycat

It's a 'no one-size fits all' question.

It's what you both agree is reasonable that matters.

If you get 100 people agreeing with you that once a week is reasonable, do you think that will change his mind when you show him the thread?

I think the replies you've had so far are things you should think about.

Without knowing the answers to those questions, it's impossible for anyone to say whether you are being unreasonable or not.

NinjaTune

As has been said, depends on whether you will end up having to do extra work in his absence and what the financial impact is.

I'd have no objection, for example, if my partner went to the gym once a week with his mates and then out for a drink once a week with them too.  If he wanted to go out for a meal with his mates twice a week then the financial impact would be too much.  If he went to the pub twice a week, spent a fortune on drinks and came home steaming drunk each time then I wouldn't be happy with that either.

What is your objection to him going out more than once?  Is it because  money is tight and it would put a strain on your finances?  Do you have children and would end up doing his share of the parenting?  Is it because you don't go out much yourself and, therefore, resent the idea of him having more of a social life?

Comms69

bungalow123 said:

Can I ask how often husbands go out with their friends? I’m saying once a week but my husband wants more. Am I being unreasonable?

Once a week might be typical. But look it doesnt matter if someone says 7 times a week, or once a month. 

Relationships are about compromise. If husband wants to go out 4 times a week, and that's not fine for you - you compromise or you split up.

74jax

My husband could go out 4 times a week maybe if he goes out midweek too.
Myself, probably about the same though maybe on a Saturday I might see 1 friend through the day and one for dinner too. 

bungalow123

All my children have left home, he drinks to the point that he can’t remember things, comes home absolutely wasted. All his friends are single and give him a hard time that’s he married. All my friends are happily married so I don’t see them unless it’s couple things with my partner. Money isn’t tight and I’m a housewife so don’t expect him to do much in the house, I just feel rejected that he’d rather be there than here. Reading the above comments it looks like I have the issues ☹️

jackieblack

bungalow123 said:

he drinks to the point that he can’t remember things, comes home absolutely wasted. All his friends are single and give him a hard time that’s he married. 

Is this a new thing?
My ex husband started this, then started staying out all night 'at a friend's house', then announced he 'wasn't happy' (but couldn't say why, to enable us to try to fix it) and a few weeks later announced he was leaving. 
(We had been married 24 years and our daughter was in her first term at uni.)