It's time to begin.....

Kakiste

Jesus. Every so often I have a moment where I think 'maybe I'm being a bit harsh on my mum, is it really fair that she's the only grandparent that doesnt have the child stay over for sleepovers and is the only one not left to look after her unsupervised?' 
 
She just videocalled me; so drunk her eyes were rolling and she was struggling to string a sentence together. So nope, parenting boundaries still in a justifiable position. 

I remember when I was slightly older than my daughter, I'd just somehow found out about brain tumours and became convinced my mum had one given how much her personality changed between morning and evening. Plus I could never figure out why her eyes and voice went 'weird' every evening. My sister and I had to deal with that crap show through our childhoods, so I'm feeling very justified that my daughter doesn't have to experience that.  

CRANKY40

I never used to answer the phone to my dad after 4pm. It's a good tactic....

Sarahwithlove

I think you are 100% correct to keep your child away from that. 

Kakiste

Good and bad news; 

Firstly the unstamped letters did indeed get through! (all of them!) 
Secondly- My daughter's bubble has popped at school and she's now at home until next Friday! My husband has actually stayed off with her today (bit of a shocker actually) and I'm going to call my dad when I get home to see if he can look after her for a couple of days this week and next. 

WinterWarrior

Fabulous news on the letters!
The bubbles just aren’t really working are they? So many are getting sent home. It would be easier to have an all or nothing approach, either send them regardless or don’t send them at all ☹️ At least you can plan properly then.

Kakiste

So my dad has been repaid. Total updated to reflect that. 

Feeling very flat today, husband has been just horrible for the past two days. Again it's clearly fallout once again from paying out money, but the stuff he was saying yesterday really got to me. Cried myself to sleep last night and now have a raging headache.

I idly wondered this morning whether husband has also clocked that it's the last personal debt I have and is being awful as a weird test to see if I suddenly up and leave. 

*Hand waving*

However, on the plus side; My daughter has been at my dad's since yesterday morning and she's having a lovely time. 

And whilst I feel rubbish today, I feel much stronger for now only being in debt to companies- I feel a lot less guilt about that. 

Also I've got all the information in with the financial ombudsman and maybe if any of the complaints are upheld it might give me a bit more money to chuck towards the debt. 

WinterWarrior

Great news, I’m so glad your dad is paid. You have a bit more freedom now, if it gets too much and you want to jump ship you will find a way. You need to get to that grey rock stage…I had many years of being damaged and crying with my ex, but finally turned a corner to where everything just washed over me. You’ll get to a point where everything he is throwing at you won’t stick, you won’t feel it means anything or has anything to do with you. 

GeorgianaCavendish

Congratulations on getting that debt repaid - one step closer to freedom, and having that last big “emotional” one (if I’m using the right word?) off your plate must feel like a huge relief. 

The Financial Ombudsman are REALLY slow at the moment but they do get there, so don’t feel too disheartened if you don’t hear anything beyond an acknowledgement for a few months. 

I’m sorry your husband is being so vile, it definitely sounds like it’s connected to the repayment and the idea of a “test” sounds familiar. Hoping that the worst is over and you can enjoy the feeling of success very soon. 

[Deleted User]

I need to read the whole of your diary but I have a lot of experience with vile husbands. I used to have one. It was a cycle of 
Nastiness, I cried, he said it would stop, nice for a bit then nastiness and so on and so on. 

Maybe getting the debts repaid takes off some of the shackles you have and gives you options moving forward. Sending a hug your way x

Aspiration

 Great news about paying your Dad and huge progress from your starting point!!

Hopefully you can move on soon as it feels like you’re in a really challenging environment at the moment.