A lightbulb?-Now MM's 5 in 4 challenge!

mhe

Im with Lemontree - he cant stick to a budget(know how he feels sometimes !!) so could you not try opening another online account and transfering all money needed for bills food petrol children etc into there only leaving a tiny bit in the account he has a card to . If he has no access to it he cant spend it

mdeebee

I'm sorry to stick my beak in here, but will do it anyway!

I love MSE and most of those who post here.

I've just caught this thread, and have read it from first post to last post. I've left a few "thank you's" - check your posts people!

This man needs a smack about the head (not that I would advocate violence of any kind).

You are doing over and above to keep your family afloat. He is not.


I wish you all the best luck.

If you are ever down to your last £10.00, PM me, and I will give you £10 to match it.

x

MidlandsMum

Wow, you lot are ace but excuse me a minute while I scream.

ARGGGGHHHHHHHH.

My car has failed the MOT. That's another 135 pounds. I'd put 300 away for the great pay off (which is doing ok, 2 down, three to go) and half of it is now gone. OH has been furious with me all day as my kitten has decided to sharpen her claws on the leather sofa. I said nothing that he spent another 40 pounds on a golf lesson yesterday. I should have screamed my head off at the bad tempered old swearword. You'd think being married to a curmudgeon would be entertaining. You know, like being married to a 33 year old Victor Meldrew. Sadly, it's not. It's really not.

I swear someone up there is out to get me. I dunno why. I must have been really, really bad in a past life.

mdeebee

Chin up!

Let the cat scrach his woods and balls!

MidlandsMum

Right. Friday. Go through statement with a fine toothed comb.

In the last two weeks he should have had 80 spending money. He has actually had 265. An overspend of 185.
He put 243 into the account from paypal. The clubs cost 220.
So, an actual overspend of approx 160. That is an entire WEEKS budget.
The spare cash is all gone, have had to transfer it all over to the current account.

I'm starting to get more and more annoyed by this by the day.

Keeping_Positive

Im not surprised it not a small overspend is it? I think you need to find a way to stop him having access to any extra monies. Not sure how or if he will object but if he is serious in helping you and supporting you and the family he really needs to do something.

Lots of (((hugs)))) in the meantime.

dawnybabes

I think you are doing really well - I'd have hit him by now with the golf clubs !!!

MidlandsMum

Well, when he came in from buying his precious bleeding golf clubs I confronted him. He said that I didnt understand that when he goes out with his friends he has to buy a round or two and that is going to cost fourty pounds. I lost it. I told him that there is nothing to stop him saying he couldnt afford it and just meeting them for one, that there is a difference between wanting and needing and 9 times out of ten the things he wants arent the things he needs and (I was a bit of a blubbering mess by this stage) I was sick of living on nothing while he does what he likes. I also pointed out that there was a big difference between 40 for a few rounds of drinks and the 160 he has actually spent. So he threw his debit card at me. Says I have to give him the 40 a week in cash. Thing is, I dont want to have to do that. I want to trust him and know he is as comitted as I am to this.He says that there is no point me trying to trust him when he cant trust himself not to spend. So, there it is. I have his cashcard and his credit card and have just drawn out his 40 for this week.

Now let's see where the money goes.

All of this isnt doing me any good in the head. The old nightmare of being mocked and ignored by people I love happened last night and I'd not had that since last June. I also went to meet a friend for lunch (he paid!) and I ended up having to hide in WHSmith's clearance section so I could have a little cry. I've not taken the tablets the Dr gave me since way before Christmas and I have at least 3 months in the medicine cupboard but I really dont want to have to start taking them again but life is being such a pain in the @rse at the minute I'm starting to think I may need them again.

thevinternet

Midlands Mum, sometimes things need to hit rock bottom before they can get any better.

You talk about wanting to trust your partner, but unfortunately he has to earn that trust. Don't feel bad about hanging on to his debit card. If he's going to behave like a child (shouting and throwing his debit card about) then you're going to have to treat him like one.

You can't change other people's behaviour, they can only change it themselves. So until he decides that he wants to change, for the good of your whole family, you are going to have to keep him on a very tight rein for a while. It's sad, but he's living above his means, it's as simple as that....so now he has to face the consequences of that.

I think you're doing really well in dealing with him. Chin up, I'm sure things will start to get better from here on in. When he decides to grow up, grow a pair and start acting like a man with responsibilites, then you can trust him.

neverdespairgirl

thevinternet wrote: »

You can't change other people's behaviour, they can only change it themselves. So until he decides that he wants to change, for the good of your whole family, you are going to have to keep him on a very tight rein for a while.

This is absolutely bang on, unfortunately. <hugs>