5 months to emerge as a butterfly

Buffythedebtslayer

All I ever think when I read your diary is how brave you are. You really are. I know to some people reading this I might sound nuts but honestly Benben, you make plans, you execute plans, you have a house and you have brought up your son, paid off your debts, do the cards, the walking, the weight loss, the house cleaning (!) and the relationships thing, you take risks I would never take. I think you are Fab. Have a good weekend  

beanielou

Buffythedebtslayer said:

All I ever think when I read your diary is how brave you are. You really are. I know to some people reading this I might sound nuts but honestly Benben, you make plans, you execute plans, you have a house and you have brought up your son, paid off your debts, do the cards, the walking, the weight loss, the house cleaning (!) and the relationships thing, you take risks I would never take. I think you are Fab. Have a good weekend  

Ditto from me.

benbenandme

Thank you all for your comments, it is honestly hugely appreciated  
I've just got off the phone to Andy, we had a good chat and he has pretty much hit the nail on the head that I bail out when anyone gets too close to me. Ever since ds' Dad left me many years ago I've never really trusted anyone and don't let people in, friends or relationships. I have a very small circle of friends, only a couple who I really trust, and all my relationships since his Dad I keep people at a distance. Looking back it is true, I like the idea of a relationship but actually I'd just be really happy with someone who I see a couple of times a week but has their own independent life. It's quite sad really but it is what it is. 

dingaling

benbenandme said:

Thank you all for your comments, it is honestly hugely appreciated  
I've just got off the phone to Andy, we had a good chat and he has pretty much hit the nail on the head that I bail out when anyone gets too close to me. Ever since ds' Dad left me many years ago I've never really trusted anyone and don't let people in, friends or relationships. I have a very small circle of friends, only a couple who I really trust, and all my relationships since his Dad I keep people at a distance. Looking back it is true, I like the idea of a relationship but actually I'd just be really happy with someone who I see a couple of times a week but has their own independent life. It's quite sad really but it is what it is. 

I am exactly the same. Actually I’m very happy on my own but would like the companionship a couple of times a month. I dont want to live with anyone, cook for anyone! It’s just me (I have 7 children but 6 are in their 20s) and 2 Great Danes and a grumpy cockerpoo. I’m merrily content but miss the contact on occasion. A cuddle when you’ve had a rubbish day etc. 

beanielou

benbenandme said:

Thank you all for your comments, it is honestly hugely appreciated  
I've just got off the phone to Andy, we had a good chat and he has pretty much hit the nail on the head that I bail out when anyone gets too close to me. Ever since ds' Dad left me many years ago I've never really trusted anyone and don't let people in, friends or relationships. I have a very small circle of friends, only a couple who I really trust, and all my relationships since his Dad I keep people at a distance. Looking back it is true, I like the idea of a relationship but actually I'd just be really happy with someone who I see a couple of times a week but has their own independent life. It's quite sad really but it is what it is. 

I am exactly the same, not let anyone in since DS's dad.
Could never trust anyone as I was obviously such a bad judge of character.
Sad but true.

benbenandme

Sorry to hear others of you are like me but in another way it's comforting to help me see I'm not weird  
So, this morning I have done a couple of little matched bets (literally only a couple of pounds profit) then went for a nice early walk down the beach with the dog. I've done 11,000 steps and have just enjoyed coffee and egg on toast when I got back
That means I can have a pottering day without feeling any guilt, I will get the other 4,000 done quite easily pootling around the house. It was lovely down there this morning, although it was freezing cold, it definitely blew the cobwebs away!
Ds kindly filled the washing basket to over-flowing for me last night so I am working my way through the pile this morning. I did the food shopping last night so don't need to worry about that now either. 

benbenandme

10,500 of todays steps are done, a nice walk around the roads with the dog this morning saw to that I managed a nice lie-in with the laptop this morning, checked the banking figures and things are looking quite positive for a change! One week to go this month but I'm on track to remain with a bit leftover as well as meeting my challenges of no sugar and 15,000 steps a day, quite happy so far.
Special offer today on my cards if anyone is interested - any 6 cards for £10 (free delivery). If interested have a look here: www.flamingopaperie.co.uk/web/joharding This is just through me, it isn't available as an offer on my website, so if interested please message me (or add a comment in here) with the cards you would like and I'll add them to my order. Thankyou Pixiechick for your order xx
I'm off to Andy's in a bit, I agreed to meet up with him for a chat this afternoon. He's really struggling this week, we'll see how it goes. I would like to remain friends in time but it will be awkward for a while. I know I've made the right decision though as hard as it is.
Then it's back to another week of work. I'm not in school until Thursday but have plenty of work to get on with at home.

beanielou

6 cat cards , thanks    
A couple of the new ones in that.

beanielou

Will PM you

benbenandme

Thanks Beanie! There are 7 on your list, let me know if you want all 7 (£12) or 6 for £10? x