5 months to emerge as a butterfly

beanielou

Wow, what a shock for you.
That is dire.
Take care of you xx

benbenandme

Thank you all xx I'm still shaken and tearful. I am also very worried about him, he really isn't in a good place at all. However that is no longer my concern but I still don't want him to do anything silly. My biggest worry is what it will do to me moving forward with my trust issues. 

MeandO

I’m so sorry to read his BenBen, it must have been such a shock. I really do understand why you are worried about him but he is not your responsibility and you are not the reason for his actions. You have done what you can to do the best for him by calling his best friend, now for your own sake you need to draw a line and cut ties. If you start to look out for him or look after him this will be misconstrued and will not do either of you any goodie the long run. You are not being selfish or callous by walking away.
Not everyone is like this either so please don’t let it put you off in the future, but perhaps take things much slower and listen to your gut as you did here by breaking up when it wasn’t working for you.  If people are genuine and genuinely interested, they will understand. 

Be kind to yourself now for a few days and, I hate to say it, but try and put a positive spin on things in that you found out now and not much further down the line. I think you’ve had a lucky escape. Sending you big hugs lovely xxxx 

benbenandme

Thank you, there is absolutely no chance of me keeping in contact in any form with him. I have blocked him on everything and also blocked his friends. My neighbours are aware of what happened and will let me know if they see him around here (there is no reason for him to be anywhere near our estate). If he turns up here the police said to call 999. 
I am worried about him a lot but I need to trust that his family and friends will do everything to get him the help he needs.Let's hoe tomorrow is a brighter day x

savingmore

I haven’t  posted for a while on your thread BB&M, but couldn’t not now.  I am so, so sorry this has happened, what a shock.   Glad you reported it to the police, that was a wise thing to do.   Yes, please do be careful.  Did he ever have a key to your house?  If so, I would change your locks, but expect the police already talked to you about safety.   So sad for you, hope you get some sleep tonight.  x. 

benbenandme

He didn't have a key here although he was going to repair the back gate so he knows that doesn't lock. In theory he could get in the back garden but there's not much points as the conservatory door is always locked. He had had a drink today, I think when he wakes up tomorrow and is sober he will be mortified. I'd like to think so anyway. 
I wasn't going to report it but then I thought if it was any of my girls at school and they told me their boyfriend had hit them I would ring the police for them straight away. I know it was the right thing to do but it's hard when you know somebody is not well. 
It just feels a bit surreal at the moment. It was so out of the blue, we weren't arguing or anything ... Anyway, I need to try to sleep now, thank you all again xx Night xx

TallGirl

Sending sending you hugs really sorry this has happened. I had to leave my soulmate and love of my life after 20 years due to drinking and within the year he was gone due to drink. I’m now in a really loving relationship and so happy. We’ve been together for 6 years and even coped with being together 24/7 in lockdown.  You can find love again but listen to yourself and take it slowly you’ll get there. 

Four_Seasons

Hi, benben hope you managed to get a little sleep last night. Hope you are feeling a little better today. sending hugs x

benbenandme

Thanks 4 Seasons and Tallgirl, today has been okay. I didn't sleep well and got up at 4am, work was okay, I told a couple of friends there and they have been lovely. I've been fine but now I'm at home I am a bit jumpy, looking out every time I hear a car etc. Ds has gone to work and the doors are locked so I know I'm fine really but can't help but feel a bit wobbly still. I am still a bit tearful here and there, it just suddenly hits me (bad choice of words). Hopefully I'll get a decent sleep tonight and will then be fine. 
I've managed not to eat any chocolate today, everyone kept telling me to just have some but I've got this far through the month I'm not gonna give in now and let him have that too

beanielou

Glad that you got through today.
Keep plodding