5 months to emerge as a butterfly

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Benben I am sat here in tears for you. That is just awful. awful. I can't believe it. I know it hadn't worked out but to have this happen is just. Well. shocking. People are so massively unpredictable. Please don't think you are a bad judge of character. You don't know who people are till they show you and now you know you have done everything right. Very good to phone the police. 
As ever very brave. 
Sending love 
Buffy XXX 

benbenandme

And finally the weekend is here. Today hasn't been too bad, my steps are done and dinner has been eaten. My team are on tonight so I'm having a lazy night watching the footie and chilling. 
The rest of the weekend will involve some more cards stuff, end of month banking stuff and a nice walk down the beach tomorrow to blow the cobwebs away. I'm working from home on Monday and Tuesday so will have plenty of time to catch up on the housework etc over the next few days too.

Sun_Addict

Glad today was better. You’re like me with the steps, I’m obsessed with getting them done. Hope you’re enjoying your lazy evening, you certainly deserve it after what you’ve just been through.

benbenandme

Just starting to feel a bit more like myself and I get a messenger message from his sister ... except it's not, it's from him but his sister has sent it ... basically a page of writing saying how he is a decent person, needs to forgive himself, he just felt frustrated and heartbroken ... and then goes on about some research he's done this week into avoidant attachment style and why he thinks I need some therapy and how he's always there for me if I'd like to talk and he can't imagine never talking to me again ... OMG!!! I unblocked him to reply, saying he has already been warned not to contact me, if I hear anything from him / friends / family ever again I will go straight back to the police, how I don't care if he forgives himself or not, and how I am not interested in his thoughts on what's wrong with me and how even now he hasn't said sorry?! He was immediately blocked after sending it and I think I have now managed to delete every link I had with him.  

Sun_Addict

Oh 💩 So it’s all your fault!!!! You are so better off out of this, it’s a good job you found out about him before you got too deeply involved. 

pixiechick99

Omg how awful for you, what an absolute tool not taking a single bit of responsibility for his actions. You are so strong honey, just keep your head held high and be proud of yourself!🥰

juliejim

So sorry to hear this, huge hugs, hope you feel better soon

Eager_Elephant

I didn't realise that if you are frustrated and heartbroken that its ok to assault people. 
I think you've had a lucky escape, I can't remember how long you were together but it does take time for people's true colours to show.

I can see why this won't help your trust issues but remember that not trusting is a mechanism to protect ourselves and is completely fine.
It doesn't matter whether you're anxious avoidance or not, what matters is that you are happy.

Please be careful that he doesn't turn up, he is unpredictable and despite you putting boundaries in place by telling him not to contact you and blocking him, he disregarded this and still messaged. 
And as for his sister, I can only think she doesn't know what happened between you both because no decent human would allow their brother to message the woman he assaulted.

Buffythedebtslayer

What a total !!!!!!. 
On Benben. I am just so sorry. and want to yell !!!!!! A LOT. 
Did you keep the messages - as in to show the police? His sister must be an idiot. Or perhaps hasn't a clue. 
I strongly believe that trust issues aren't an issue if the right person comes along. I dated a guy many years ago and he turned out to be married, I haven't really dated since. He wasn't right. I am so bad I never let anyone know where I live exactly - am lucky tho as could meet in London, very anonymous etc but I hope that if it is right it is right. I seriously believe in trusting your gut too. You have as ever been very strong and looked after yourself. Really good stuff XX 
 Bloody amazing on the steps too XXX 

benbenandme

Thank you all, I'm glad it's not me being bonkers  
So a new month and it's a month to focus on me and my money! Next Tuesday the guy is coming to replace the boiler, it is £2856 in total  however that is now the target I want to find across this year, I have a spreadsheet set up and with some effort should get three or thereabouts. Feb and March are the two months 'off' from paying council tax so I have moved that money into the savings pot already this morning as it's built into the monthly budget already. 
The car passed its MOT on Friday so that's another thing that was budgeted for and is sorted for another year. I am working from home today, tomorrow and Friday this week so hopefully will have time to sort some proper meals, food shopping was done yesterday and I am hoping it's just bread and milk needed through the week. I have no birthdays this month to sort out, just two weeks to go then it's half-term again. I'm going to have another focus on my cards this month, I'm enjoying putting some time and effort into them again, would love to be able to go to some events but maybe later this year, who knows?