now solved.

Marvel1

Pollycat said:

Marvel1 said:

little_green said:

Just to update OH has text me saying that one of their colleagues has the flu. I replied saying shouldn't they get tested for the virus?  To which OH replied saying "you know what why did I bother telling you..how stupid of me to think that you would take this like a normal person"

That is a normal person in asking this question today.

No, it isn't.

It's an anxious person who doesn't understand who should be tested.

Savvy_Sue said:

little_green said:

I think the "issue" for me is that these types of moods are not uncommon & where as someone pointed out my actions were based on concerns OH's reactions seems to just be purely motivated to hurt/annoy/punish me?  That makes me question how much OH truly cares for me bc why would you want to intentionally hurt the person you love? I do feel like OH tries to make me feel bad/force the apology even if i'm not in the "wrong". And even if i am in the wrong i don't mind apologizing but it's quite difficult to apologize when OH behaves like that as i feel it condones their behavior/reaction, 

BTW, there is a difference between phoning 111 and discussing your symptoms, and self-isolating, and 'getting tested'. Not everyone who has flu-like symptoms will need to be tested, and not everyone will need to self-isolate. The suggestion is that if you have symptoms of a respiratory infection you MAY, in the not too distant future, be asked to self-isolate for 7 days. I may just hibernate ... I've had a cough and cold but NOT the symptoms of corona. 

I've already posted what NHS say up-thread.

And it doesn't say that somebody who presents with flu symptoms should get tested.

Thank you, I was unsure whether people were getting tested when they have cold/flu symptoms.  Normally when I have a cold/flu, I just crack on and go to work and will do.

Pollycat

Marvel1 said:

Pollycat said:

Marvel1 said:

little_green said:

Just to update OH has text me saying that one of their colleagues has the flu. I replied saying shouldn't they get tested for the virus?  To which OH replied saying "you know what why did I bother telling you..how stupid of me to think that you would take this like a normal person"

That is a normal person in asking this question today.

No, it isn't.

It's an anxious person who doesn't understand who should be tested.

Savvy_Sue said:

little_green said:

I think the "issue" for me is that these types of moods are not uncommon & where as someone pointed out my actions were based on concerns OH's reactions seems to just be purely motivated to hurt/annoy/punish me?  That makes me question how much OH truly cares for me bc why would you want to intentionally hurt the person you love? I do feel like OH tries to make me feel bad/force the apology even if i'm not in the "wrong". And even if i am in the wrong i don't mind apologizing but it's quite difficult to apologize when OH behaves like that as i feel it condones their behavior/reaction, 

BTW, there is a difference between phoning 111 and discussing your symptoms, and self-isolating, and 'getting tested'. Not everyone who has flu-like symptoms will need to be tested, and not everyone will need to self-isolate. The suggestion is that if you have symptoms of a respiratory infection you MAY, in the not too distant future, be asked to self-isolate for 7 days. I may just hibernate ... I've had a cough and cold but NOT the symptoms of corona. 

I've already posted what NHS say up-thread.

And it doesn't say that somebody who presents with flu symptoms should get tested.

Thank you, I was unsure whether people were getting tested when they have cold/flu symptoms.  Normally when I have a cold/flu, I just crack on and go to work and will do.

If you've ever had proper flu you don't 'just crack on and go to work' because you're not capable.
Proper flu floored me for a month (I was very fit at the time).
That's why it doesn't surprise me to read that flu is a killer. 

onwards&upwards

NBLondon said:

onwards&upwards said:

What is it with new posters taking great pains not to indicate gender in their posts?  There’s been loads lately, it sticks out like a sore thumb. 

Is gender relevant to the question?  Why are you noticing?

No it’s not relevant, but by being so careful to avoid any clue as to the genders it makes it really conspicuous and odd and I don’t get why.  I’ve spotted it on a few threads recently.  

Savvy_Sue

If someone has to do the they / them thing in one situation, they may be in the habit of doing it generally. I have to use they / them in one particular situation, and I do find it makes me more likely to use non-binary terms in others. 

And frankly, it wouldn't matter if the two people involved in this situation were both male or both female; gay, straight, bi or non-binary - one of them is over anxious, and the other is behaving in an obnoxious fashion. Neither is without fault, but I'd hope for more loving concern for my anxieties from a partner. 

little_green

.......................

Retireby40

little_green said:

hi all busy day sorry for taking so long to reply. too many replies to quote but will try to cover things. 
gender thing just used to writing that way & it seems to be the norm nowadays. Sometimes including genders people tends to jump in with "gender stereotyping" which doesn't really help i find as people are different. You cant really say "oh well men just don't like talking about their feelings" or "well women as just more nagging".  So sometimes it's nice to hear it as though the roles were reversed as I'm interested to know whether that would change peoples responses. 
re the pre planned thing, so i'm not sure why it comes across like myself & OH had a "big formal" chat about it. Yes we agreed before hand but it was a brief conversation that went something along the lines of "i see the virus is spreading, government advice is to wash hands more regularly now. Hmmm i think when you get home you should wash hands as soon as! Yes ok that makes sense as lots of germs at airports/on planes anyway."  It wasn't like i drew up an itinerary ! 

many of you are right there are issue in the relationship anyway. It's not even this most recent incident it's the way OH seems to want to punish me that bothers me & it seems to be a reoccurring theme. Did I mention that OH also said "when i was at work I was thinking screw you & your crazy I'm not putting up with it anymore you can live alone if you corona-free zone & see how happy you are then"  to put it in context that was said after the mood had finished
.... sometimes I get the feeling OH feels that being with me, is doing me a favor. 

when i try to discuss things I generally get the same responses: 
"its done, can we just move one" 
"why are you bringing this up again"
"do you really want to start another argument" 

OP I mean this in the best way but there clearly is a problem with your relationship. If things like this happen often and they respond in this kind of fashion it would indicate to me some sort of resentment. Has your other half sacrificed anything to be with you?

For example moved away from his home town to yours where they no nobody or changed jobs to suit you or some kind of lifestyle change for them in order to make you happier?

If not could there be a 3rd party involved? Could the other half be interested in another person but feels you are too fragile to know the truth or your health could deteriorate a lot if they were to leave.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree but the kind of remarks you say your partner is making isnt normal. If my partner was saying those things to me I would happily say tell you what pack you bags and go then. And I wouldnt be joking. 

We only know one side of the story so it's hard to know but from the outside looking in it doesnt strike me as a happy relationship.

Yous are 6 years into the relationship? No sign of marriage? Kids? Buying a bigger house together? ( I'm not generalizing or saying you have to do that I'm just asking is the relationship developing after 6 years where the intended destination was or have things just remained the same).

suki1964

Ive read through and I also looked at a few back threads and seriously, you are flogging a dead horse

Time to wake up and smell the roses. You are both on completely different pages and spending your life trying to change how your partner thinks, feels, behaves, is not going to work. You can only change you

Time to walk away.

6 years is a pretty long investment, and its not easy to admit its not right for you, but a lot easier to walk away now then 10 years down the line

Pollycat

little_green said:

many of you are right there are issue in the relationship anyway. It's not even this most recent incident it's the way OH seems to want to punish me that bothers me & it seems to be a reoccurring theme. Did I mention that OH also said "when i was at work I was thinking screw you & your crazy I'm not putting up with it anymore you can live alone if you corona-free zone & see how happy you are then"  to put it in context that was said after the mood had finished
.... sometimes I get the feeling OH feels that being with me, is doing me a favor. 

when i try to discuss things I generally get the same responses: 
"its done, can we just move one" 
"why are you bringing this up again"
"do you really want to start another argument" 

Oh dear ^^^^.

I agree with Suki.

Marisco

SadieO said:

little_green said:
when I ask for something the reply is "do you think you deserve it after your behavior" 

Sorry but this sounds really quite creepy to me. 

Reminds me of Yasmeen and Jeff in Coronation St.....................and we all know (those who watch it that is) where that one is going.

little_green

thank you for all the replies, going to leave it at that. can't seem to delete the thread but will stop checking. Have made up my mind I need to have a serious chat with OH & don't want swayed otherwise.