now solved.

Pollycat

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Forgive me if I'm wrong, Neil, but don't you and your partner live separately?

NeilCr

Pollycat said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Forgive me if I'm wrong, Neil, but don't you and your partner live separately?

Nothing to forgive!

You are completely right. We do live separately but we are definitely a couple.

I am not sure it makes that much difference does it? The general principle remains the same - some couples (living together or not) do have separate holidays - my friend went off with some of her mates to Lisbon last year. Her partner of 30 years stayed at home and was unphased. They both do that from time to time.

ETA

I wonder if there may be an argument that couples who don't live together are more likely to go on holiday together?

Retireby40

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Your situation is completely different from the OP. People in 60s heading away with children and grandchildren is completely different than a man in his 30s maybe heading away solo or with friends. Especially when he has a partner of similar age.

That is my opinion and I would say most people in their 30s in a relationship would be of the same opinion. It isnt normal.

When I'm 60 of course maybe me and my son head to the alps skiing while the wife stays at home as she doesnt like it. But that is a different scenario.

NeilCr

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Your situation is completely different from the OP. People in 60s heading away with children and grandchildren is completely different than a man in his 30s maybe heading away solo or with friends. Especially when he has a partner of similar age.

That is my opinion and I would say most people in their 30s in a relationship would be of the same opinion. It isnt normal.

When I'm 60 of course maybe me and my son head to the alps skiing while the wife stays at home as she doesnt like it. But that is a different scenario.

Possibly

But I was reacting to your comment about it "Certainly not being normal in a relationship" and saying that you don't know many couples who holiday apart. None of which you qualified in any way -  say by age. 

I - and others - have provided examples where couples do holiday individually. Personally, I think there is no hard and fast rule on this. People do what works for them. I have friends in my own age group who wouldn't dream of not going away together

Retireby40

annabanana82 said:

Wrt the holiday, I think some people are seeing issues where there are none  given the OP has mentioned her anxiety these comments are likely to hinder than help. 
I know lots of couples of that holiday separate, my Aunty and Uncle did it for years and that was going back to the 80's. 
I went away for 15 nights last year, and left my Husband and 3 children, it was a spontaneous opportunity, encouraged by Husband after what had been a difficult and traumatic year, it did me the world of good. 

It isnt to cause problems it is to maybe give a reason why the OPs partner is being overly sensitive or childish about the whole thing. Maybe it is a sign of another problem and he is taking it out this way. Could something have happened before the holiday or could something have happened on the holiday that has lead to the OP partner continuing this behaviour.

Retireby40

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Your situation is completely different from the OP. People in 60s heading away with children and grandchildren is completely different than a man in his 30s maybe heading away solo or with friends. Especially when he has a partner of similar age.

That is my opinion and I would say most people in their 30s in a relationship would be of the same opinion. It isnt normal.

When I'm 60 of course maybe me and my son head to the alps skiing while the wife stays at home as she doesnt like it. But that is a different scenario.

Possibly

But I was reacting to your comment about it "Certainly not being normal in a relationship" and saying that you don't know many couples who holiday apart. None of which you qualified in any way -  say by age. 

I - and others - have provided examples where couples do holiday individually. Personally, I think there is no hard and fast rule on this. People do what works for them. I have friends in my own age group who wouldn't dream of not going away together

Yeah maybe I should have qualified an age however I was writing in reference to the ages of the posters and because I fit into that age range I probably generalised. While you may know some people as you say your age group who do as you do you would be hard pushed to find a young couple in their 30s where the husband or wife goes on holidays for 2 weeks without the other. That much is a fact and if we set up a poll it would show that.

strawb_shortcake

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Your situation is completely different from the OP. People in 60s heading away with children and grandchildren is completely different than a man in his 30s maybe heading away solo or with friends. Especially when he has a partner of similar age.

That is my opinion and I would say most people in their 30s in a relationship would be of the same opinion. It isnt normal.

When I'm 60 of course maybe me and my son head to the alps skiing while the wife stays at home as she doesnt like it. But that is a different scenario.

Possibly

But I was reacting to your comment about it "Certainly not being normal in a relationship" and saying that you don't know many couples who holiday apart. None of which you qualified in any way -  say by age. 

I - and others - have provided examples where couples do holiday individually. Personally, I think there is no hard and fast rule on this. People do what works for them. I have friends in my own age group who wouldn't dream of not going away together

Yeah maybe I should have qualified an age however I was writing in reference to the ages of the posters and because I fit into that age range I probably generalised. While you may know some people as you say your age group who do as you do you would be hard pushed to find a young couple in their 30s where the husband or wife goes on holidays for 2 weeks without the other. That much is a fact and if we set up a poll it would show that.

I stated I'd been on holiday on my own leaving both my Husband and children at home, I'm 37 husband is 42. I'd do it again and he's more than welcome to go away by himself, in fact he did 4 years ago. 
Lots of people I work with in 30's and 40's do the same, its neither unusual or a sign of a problematic relationship. You could argue it demonstrates a greater level of trust and security. 

Retireby40

annabanana82 said:

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Your situation is completely different from the OP. People in 60s heading away with children and grandchildren is completely different than a man in his 30s maybe heading away solo or with friends. Especially when he has a partner of similar age.

That is my opinion and I would say most people in their 30s in a relationship would be of the same opinion. It isnt normal.

When I'm 60 of course maybe me and my son head to the alps skiing while the wife stays at home as she doesnt like it. But that is a different scenario.

Possibly

But I was reacting to your comment about it "Certainly not being normal in a relationship" and saying that you don't know many couples who holiday apart. None of which you qualified in any way -  say by age. 

I - and others - have provided examples where couples do holiday individually. Personally, I think there is no hard and fast rule on this. People do what works for them. I have friends in my own age group who wouldn't dream of not going away together

Yeah maybe I should have qualified an age however I was writing in reference to the ages of the posters and because I fit into that age range I probably generalised. While you may know some people as you say your age group who do as you do you would be hard pushed to find a young couple in their 30s where the husband or wife goes on holidays for 2 weeks without the other. That much is a fact and if we set up a poll it would show that.

I stated I'd been on holiday on my own leaving both my Husband and children at home, I'm 37 husband is 42. I'd do it again and he's more than welcome to go away by himself, in fact he did 4 years ago. 
Lots of people I work with in 30's and 40's do the same, its neither unusual or a sign of a problematic relationship. You could argue it demonstrates a greater level of trust and security. 

Each to their own. I'm not saying it's bad. I just find it very strange. As a child growing up I would have found it very strange me and home with my mum while my dad was away for 2 weeks to Benidorm on his own or with his mates.

little_green

............

NeilCr

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:

NeilCr said:

Retireby40 said:t

gettingtheresometime said:

Retireby40 said:

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Well I'm planning on going away for a month, possible 5 weeks without my OH.....

How old are you? How long is the relationship? What is the nature of the trip?

If it's some kind of work or study project or volunteering or something I would understand. However I dont know many couples who go away on individual holidays either solo (unless its Everest or an expedition type thing) or with their mates for 2 weeks. A weekend to football match or stag/hen party but I would be very worried if my other half said Hey me and the girls are going to marbella for 2 weeks make sure and feed the cat.

I am in my 60s and have been with my partner for some ten years

She is, currently, in Tenerife for a week with her two sons and granddaughter. She likes that  type of holiday (sun and lazing around). Not my idea of fun at all! We are both completely relaxed with the situation. I am busy with friends and a bunch of us are going to a concert together, too (she did fancy that).

There can be many good reasons for a couple to do separate things (including holidays) and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Personally, I find couples that insist on doing everything together a bit odd - but, I fully understand that it works for them

ETA. I do agree that the partner's reaction is totally OTT but I do think the OP could be a bit more giving with the greeting when getting home. And the comment about being tested was extreme

Your situation is completely different from the OP. People in 60s heading away with children and grandchildren is completely different than a man in his 30s maybe heading away solo or with friends. Especially when he has a partner of similar age.

That is my opinion and I would say most people in their 30s in a relationship would be of the same opinion. It isnt normal.

When I'm 60 of course maybe me and my son head to the alps skiing while the wife stays at home as she doesnt like it. But that is a different scenario.

Possibly

But I was reacting to your comment about it "Certainly not being normal in a relationship" and saying that you don't know many couples who holiday apart. None of which you qualified in any way -  say by age. 

I - and others - have provided examples where couples do holiday individually. Personally, I think there is no hard and fast rule on this. People do what works for them. I have friends in my own age group who wouldn't dream of not going away together

Yeah maybe I should have qualified an age however I was writing in reference to the ages of the posters and because I fit into that age range I probably generalised. While you may know some people as you say your age group who do as you do you would be hard pushed to find a young couple in their 30s where the husband or wife goes on holidays for 2 weeks without the other. That much is a fact and if we set up a poll it would show that.

Well we did find that couple very quickly.

I am sure if you set up a poll that the majority of the couples in your age group do holiday together. But there are others that won't. You said in your later post that you couldn't imagine being sat at home with your mother for two weeks while your dad was on holiday with his mates. For a start there are couples without children who may quite like the idea of having a fortnight away from each other. Looking back, I think that might have helped my marriage, if I am honest

Sorry. I hope you don't think I am having a pop at you. It's just that at times there are threads on this forum where some posters seem to take the view that there is only one way to have a relationship. (Agh to relationship "rules") They can't seem to accept that other couples work differently. Kind of irks me at times!