now solved.

little_green

asked for a 2nd opinion got many. thanks!

Mojisola

little_green said:

This is not the first time OH has gone in a mood like this & these moods typically last days. So days of not talking to me. We are 30s not 13 ... To me it seems childish.

Totally ignoring the case of the latest strop - yes, your OH is totally over-reacting.

I couldn't put up with someone who sulked for days in order to 'punish' me.

Gavin83

Yes, your OH is totally over the top, I also couldn't put up with someone who sulked so much. I'd probably speak to them and say it's something they need to work on and if they're unwilling to you'll need to reconsider whether the relationship is right for you.

Saying that I think refusing to kiss/hug your partner before they've had a shower is a massive over reaction too.

Pollycat

He's behaving like a child.

And not just over this.

Sulking and not speaking for days?

As for this:

There are often arguements about what I would consider basic hygiene eg OH will use same knife & chopping board for raw & cooked meat.

he needs a short, sharp lesson on basic food hygiene.

flanker6

His sulking is silly. No chance of resolving a situation if one side just wants to sulk.

HRH_MUngo

I think the sulking is childish, but I also think expecting him to have a full shower before touching him is over-the top.  Washing his hands and face would have done.

I do think HIS reaction is far more over the top than yours though.

Savvy_Sue

little_green said: But OH feels it's rude & blames my anxiety saying I'm going over the top & ANYONE ELSE would have welcome their partner home. 

The thing is, you are NOT 'ANYONE ELSE', you are YOU, and part of you is your anxieties (rational or not). It's not as if it's a first date situation: he knows you, he knows you have anxieties whether he understands them or not!

So I'd agree that if he doesn't want to resolve this in a rational manner, you'd have to question whether you are right for each other. 

Pollycat

HRH_MUngo said:

I think the sulking is childish, but I also think expecting him to have a full shower before touching him is over-the top.  Washing his hands and face would have done.

I do think HIS reaction is far more over the top than yours though.

If I'd been travelling for 12 hours, the first thing I'd want to do is jump in the shower.

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

HRH_MUngo said:

I think the sulking is childish, but I also think expecting him to have a full shower before touching him is over-the top.  Washing his hands and face would have done.

I do think HIS reaction is far more over the top than yours though.

If I'd been travelling for 12 hours, the first thing I'd want to do is jump in the shower.

Surely you wouldnt just walk into the house straight to the shower without as much as a brief hug and kiss and welcome?
I can only imagine how some women or men would think if as soon as their other halves arrived home from whatever event (not sporting or gym) ran straight to the shower without some form of greeting.

Also this person has been away from his partner and family for 2 weeks. Possibly tired, and as soon as he gets in through the door he has someone barking orders wash your hands, have a shower, brush your teeth etc it could be abit annoying.

That said his reaction does seem over the top.

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

itsanne

OH will use same knife & chopping board for raw & cooked meat. 

That's dangerous. You're both far more at risk from this than from Coronavirus. Unless you have some other condition, at your ages Coronavirus would be likely to be a minor infection. Something like e coli from the cross contamination of cooked meat could make you very ill.

Making him take a shower was unnecessary, so you over-reacted there. However, his response is even more of an over-reaction.  Sulking for days? That's more than childish, it's a completely inapproriate way to behave to your partner. While your over-reaction was due to concern, his seems more about retaliation, or "punishing" you as Mojisola suggests - definitely not acceptable behaviour.

Pollycat

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

HRH_MUngo said:

I think the sulking is childish, but I also think expecting him to have a full shower before touching him is over-the top.  Washing his hands and face would have done.

I do think HIS reaction is far more over the top than yours though.

If I'd been travelling for 12 hours, the first thing I'd want to do is jump in the shower.

Surely you wouldnt just walk into the house straight to the shower without as much as a brief hug and kiss and welcome?
I can only imagine how some women or men would think if as soon as their other halves arrived home from whatever event (not sporting or gym) ran straight to the shower without some form of greeting.

Also this person has been away from his partner and family for 2 weeks. Possibly tired, and as soon as he gets in through the door he has someone barking orders wash your hands, have a shower, brush your teeth etc it could be abit annoying.

That said his reaction does seem over the top.

What would worry more is why he was on a 2 week holiday without you? Is that a normal part of your relationship to go on separate holidays for so long?

Probably not before this virus.

But yes, probably now.
I'm not panicking about the virus, I'm not even worried but it just seems sensible. And courteous.

But then again, I'm not in the habit of taking 2 week holidays without my partner.

Was the OP 'barking orders'?

She says 'it was agreed'.