Money Moral Dilemma: Should those with more children pay extra when we eat out together?

DoctorStrange

Easiest thing is to bring it up as soon as you're invited to the next event.

"That sounds lovely, but we've had [insert unexpected costs] so would you mind if we just pay our own bill this time? Just makes it easier for us to manage..."

They can hardly say no, and after a couple of times the new norm will be established.

GaleSF63

I've been to meals where I felt I couldn't have what I wanted because it was more expensive than what the others were having. With  separate bills it also gives one the freedom to choose the expensive things on the menu without feeling guilty.

onwards&upwards

DoctorStrange said:

Easiest thing is to bring it up as soon as you're invited to the next event.

"That sounds lovely, but we've had [insert unexpected costs] so would you mind if we just pay our own bill this time? Just makes it easier for us to manage..."

They can hardly say no, and after a couple of times the new norm will be established.

None of this ‘would you mind’ implying it’s actually up to them!  You say ‘we will only be paying for what we order this time.’  You don’t need to invent an excuse either, it’s not unreasonable!

MoneySeeker1

I've noticed it's increasingly the case these days that everyone in a party orders exactly what they want (according to their own tastes and finances) and then each person says to the bill-taker "I had this and that and the other" and the next person then lists off "...and I had x and y" and so it goes on. Certainly the most recent meal I was at and each person went up to the bar and listed off what they'd had to the member of staff and paid for their whack only. I was certainly automatically expecting that that is what we would all do and duly had exactly what I wanted (which was more than many people did) and reeled off the (fairly long list) to the person behind the till and paid my share. Then the next person went up to till and reeled off their short list of what they had had and paid their share and so on.

abelld

Why not split per person. Easier than calculating exactly what everyone had. 

onwards&upwards

abelld said:

Why not split per person. Easier than calculating exactly what everyone had. 

Because it’s not ‘easier’ if you had pasta and tap water and someone else had steak and champagne!  

badmemory

I think this depends on whether it's friends or family.  If friends I would say just pay what you owe.  But family, a whole different ball game.  I've been involved in meals where aged parents don't pay at all, where aged parents pay it all.  Current family meals out are based on one adult one share.  The really interesting one was when a 21 year old child (well offspring much older than the others) came along and had to get cross to be allowed to pay.  But then none of them are short of the odd bob or 2.

rtho782

My wife's family like to go to Centre Parcs as a group, 4 daughters+partners and parents, so 5 "couples". 

Except two of the couples have kids, one has 1 and one has 2 (opposite sex, apparently cannot share).

This means we need 1 bedroom, vs 3 for one of the sisters, yet they always want to split it 5 equal ways. When we suggested "per bedroom" splits there was a big argument about it being unfair as the kids are part of the family too.

We don't go anymore.

maisie_cat

When we have family meals we tend to split including the kids, once they get to 8 they have an adult meal anyway. The only exclusions are under 3 year olds and children are more likely to have a desert than adults.

SallyDucati

Not quite the same but I had to have an awkward conversation with a friend once when we were out, along with another couple.

So me + 2 + 2.  I paid first round, friend & hubby paid for next and the other couple paid for the third round.  Apparently the next round was mine again, even though I had bought 4 drinks for others but only had 2 in return.  This happened a few times when me, friend and her hubby were out and I didn't mind too much then as I earned more,  but I wouldn't do it for that many people