Money Moral Dilemma: Should those with more children pay extra when we eat out together?

oxfcom

I have to admit that I was quite surprised by the answers posted, since they nearly all are reacting in shock - feeling that other families are going to rip them off!

For me, I go out to eat with other families because I enjoy being with them, and don't assume they are going to rip me off. To be honest, I have only experienced this with kids ordering off the (usually significantly cheaper) kids menu, when a kids full meal isn't much different from one extra alcoholic drink. If I can afford the amount of a per family split, and assume that the other families aren't trying it on, then, why not go with it.

If money is tighter, then split the bill by who ate what, and I can't see why anyone would object.

enrica23

Before you even order, I would just simply say: "I think we should all just pay for what we order as a family / couple this time." If someone responds with: "But we usually split it per family, because it's 'easier',", then stand your ground and politely say, "I'd rather do it this way this time." If they question it a second time, then that's really rude and you need new friends....

Pollyflinders

confusedgranny wrote: »

When we go out with the U3A (after our walk) we all pay our own. Probably more complicated for the staff but less chance of resentment between those who look at the menu to see what they fancy and those who look at the prices too / first.
We never get a bill for the group so don't have to split it.
Actually it might not be more complicated for the staff. A couple of times when I've gone out with groups we have realised when splitting the bill that someone's meal has been left off (perhaps someone has come late) and the staff have been grateful that we said so, as they would have been penalised. If we've just split the bill x ways we wouldn't have noticed.

We pay separately. It's rarely more complicated for staff now, as choices are recorded electronically. We pay with contactless, so we're not being nuisances with lots of change.

mummyOfThree

You should split the bill and each family pay their own. A few times I have just split the bill and ended up paying way more that what we ordered despite having the most children as another couple had ordered really expensive food and drink. The last meal we had out a couple left early and left money but it wasn't enough so ended up scooping up there cost as well. Now I ask for to be billed separately And only order to food / drink on my bill, no need to try and work it out then. I'm quite happy paying for my own family only.

marty2121

Definitely, your current system is very much weighted to the parents with more kids!


Consider some form of fairer sharing or just ask for seperate bills in future. If their are true friends then they will accept this and understand why.


Failing that bring along as many nephews and nieces as you can next time to balance things more in your favour! :-)

fifty-something

1. You need new friends who do not bully or shame you into doing their bidding.

2. Alternatively pay your own way, with tip as you choose.

3. If your friends don't like 2, see 1 above.

Good luck!

NeilCr

fifty-something wrote: »

1. You need new friends who do not bully or shame you into doing their bidding.

2. Alternatively pay your own way, with tip as you choose.

3. If your friends don't like 2, see 1 above.

Good luck!

Hang on.

We have no idea whether or not bullying and/or shaming is going on here. It might just have been something that has developed over the years and no-one has really thought about it that much

I think saying get new friends is taking this all a bit too far.

NaughtiusMaximus

staggered wrote: »

I can't tolerate people who sit there with a calculator working out their precise share of the bill. If you're that bothered about paying a couple of quid more than your share of the bill, stay at home. They obviously can't be very good friends if you resent them a couple of quid.

Odd that the only people who ever complain about splitting bills based on what you actually order rather than splitting it evenly are !!!!!!!!!!s who insist on ordering the most expensive items on the menu and expect their 'friends' to subsidise them.

ETA - on a completely unrelated subject, why on earth does this forum censor the word f.r.e.e.l.o.a.d.e.r.???

NaughtiusMaximus

NeilCr wrote: »

Hang on.

We have no idea whether or not bullying and/or shaming is going on here. It might just have been something that has developed over the years and no-one has really thought about it that much

I think saying get new friends is taking this all a bit too far.

Is it? If the families with more kids had a shred of decency they would offer to pay more anyway without anyone having to bring the subject up.

TBagpuss

staggered wrote: »

I can't tolerate people who sit there with a calculator working out their precise share of the bill. If you're that bothered about paying a couple of quid more than your share of the bill, stay at home. They obviously can't be very good friends if you resent them a couple of quid.

Which is why telling the staff at the outset that you would like separate bills is sensible.

I agree that sitting there with a calculator and spending forever working it out to the last penny is annoying, particularly for a large group, but equally, being expected to subsidise other people's choices is also very frustrating and breeds resentment.

Personally, I wouldn't grudge any of my friends a couple of quid, but if every single time we met I'm subsiding them it starts to build up. And in the scenario described, you are looking at 2 or 3 extra meals, which even if they are kids meals could easily be £30+, so you would be subsiding them to the tune of £15 or more each time. Now, I might decide I'm happy to contribute £15 to their meal, but that needs to be my choice, not something which is imposed on me.

On a practical level, the simplest thing to do is to be very matter of fact and say to the serving staff at the start that you'd like separate bills, let them know which people are on each tab and leave it at that.

Or you can speak to the other family ahead of time and agree to split per head - after all, they can't be very good friends if they won't split the bill fairly!

Obviously in a particular group, you can agree to do things differently. For instance, if you hate sitting around with a calculator, there's nothing to stop you offering to pay a bit more, or even to pay the whole bill!

If the whole group is happy to split by family,m despite differences in family make up, fine. But if not, the fairest thing to do is for everyone to pay their own way.