Money Moral Dilemma: Should those with more children pay extra when we eat out together?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

We often go out in groups of families for meals and the cost is always split per family. However, we have one child and all the others in the group have two or three. I don't want to risk my friendships or be seen as tight, but I feel I am subsidising those with more children. Am I being unreasonable?

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Comms69

Sounds like a terrible system.


Though... Steak for starter, steak for main, steak for dessert - quids in.

onwards&upwards

Who on earth started the ‘per family’ thing? Was it by any chance the couple with the most kids?

Mrsn

I would never pay per family type scenario. Would always pay for what we’ve ordered per person! No issues or potential arguments that way...

Smodlet

Sounds like an episode of Pan Am (short-lived soapy drama about air hostesses) where the pilots would order 10 x as much food and drink as the trolly dollies then expect them to split the bill per person. Bvgger that.

rach_k

Borrow another child to bring with you. Problem solved.

gettingtheresometime

To a certain extent it depends on whether the children are ordering from the children's menu or the adult's menu.

If it's the former I'd be tempted to suck it up but if it's the later than I'd either order & pay separately or split the bill according to what everybody's had

PasturesNew

If everybody paid their own way none of this splitting bills nonsense would happen.

It's usually those with the most to gain that insist it's the "fairest way to do it"... and don't try to point out it's not as they'll twist your words and call you tight.

Next time you're invited, just say "I'll have to say no; I can afford to pay for our meals, but I can't afford to split the bill as it's SO much higher... maybe next time" and leave it hanging for them to pick up on it and suggest "well, you just pay for what you have and the rest of us will split the rest of the bill"... although you might not hear that as that's not the way they wanted it to play out.

frugalwin

Everyone should just pay for what they had plus a small gratuity. I’m not normally an advocate of tipping, but for large groups the staff work much harder and it makes it less likely you come up short once everyone has paid their share.

It’s really not that much work to figure it out at the end - hell, I normally try to get an idea what our share is going to be at the time we are ordering. That way when the bill comes and someone says “so it comes to £xx per couple” I can easily make the judgement call of nodding and chucking my card on the plate, or politely saying “hang on, we had 2 sandwiches and tap water, while you had starters, steaks and 3 beers each, shall we just pay for what we each ordered?”.

Happyharley

I hate those get togethers. I for one don't eat much so one main usually does it for me, and i stick to coke as i am normally driving. So when the others have had starters, mains and puds, I don't really want to pay for them to stuff their faces.

You do feel mean, but no one seems to think about the one who is not eating much, maybe if more people thought about what others ate, it wouldn't be a problem.

walkerluce

You need new friends! It isn’t fair on you to split the bill equally and I’m surprised your friends don’t offer to pay more. When we’re in this situation we sometimes split the bill and the family that has more children (or has had more to eat or drink) pays the tip. If the conversation’s too difficult, you could order yourself something really expensive to balance up the family spends. Or order too much food and take it home for the next day.