Money Moral Dilemma: Should those with more children pay extra when we eat out together?

REJP

For goodness sake have the guts just to pay your own bill. Where is the dilemma in this?

unholyangel

Smodlet wrote: »

Sounds like an episode of Pan Am (short-lived soapy drama about air hostesses) where the pilots would order 10 x as much food and drink as the trolly dollies then expect them to split the bill per person. Bvgger that.

Or the episode of friends where they go out for someones birthday to a fancy place, dont order much due to money issues then the others suggest splitting equally minus birthday boy (ross or chandler I think)?

PasturesNew wrote: »

If everybody paid their own way none of this splitting bills nonsense would happen.

It's usually those with the most to gain that insist it's the "fairest way to do it"... and don't try to point out it's not as they'll twist your words and call you tight.

Next time you're invited, just say "I'll have to say no; I can afford to pay for our meals, but I can't afford to split the bill as it's SO much higher... maybe next time" and leave it hanging for them to pick up on it and suggest "well, you just pay for what you have and the rest of us will split the rest of the bill"... although you might not hear that as that's not the way they wanted it to play out.

I can't say I've ever experienced that. Especially with friends. We might ask how we want to split it but if anone says pay for their own, we instantly go with that option. If you weren't willing to pay for what you ordered, then you shouldn't have ordered it. We're blunt enough with each other to say that sort of thing without any fuss being made over it.

But with close friends & family, we all tend to chuck in random amounts. Those who can afford more tend to put in more or we'll put their share in for them.

Although if there is a genuine author of the MMD, they probably aren't going to act. If they were, they would have done so already. Colour me suspicious but...need to get activity up? Pull out the old chestnut hot potato subject of "how do we faily split the bill at restaurants".

RainbowFriend

You ARE subsidising families with more children!
It's a shame your friends can't see this already WITHOUT you having to say something, but I suggest you must say something before you start to get resentful (understandably) and your friendships are jeopardised... If they are true friends they will understand where you're coming from and be more fair - lets hope that they just hadn't really thought about it from your point of view and are happy to change the system...

Bugle023

We have four children and wouldn't dream of trying to get others to subsidise our meal. I can't understand why anyone would think this acceptable.

onwards&upwards

frugalwin wrote: »

Everyone should just pay for what they had plus a small gratuity. I’m not normally an advocate of tipping, but for large groups the staff work much harder and it makes it less likely you come up short once everyone has paid their share.

It’s really not that much work to figure it out at the end - hell, I normally try to get an idea what our share is going to be at the time we are ordering. That way when the bill comes and someone says “so it comes to £xx per couple” I can easily make the judgement call of nodding and chucking my card on the plate, or politely saying “hang on, we had 2 sandwiches and tap water, while you had starters, steaks and 3 beers each, shall we just pay for what we each ordered?”.

That’s very polite of you, I just state clearly that I will only only be paying for myself plus tip. What are they going to do, insist you pay for their food too? :cool:

SallyB21

I assume this started as a simple solution? Four families, divide the bill by 4, easy maths.

I am a bit surprised you have not already hit the "but I did not have any wine/ dessert/starter" discussion.

If you can afford it, with your one child, then graciously pay up, if not then pay the amount you spent but make this clear at the start of the meal not at the end.

toffeegirl

You should raise it now - firstly, it's only fair, secondly, it'll gnaw away at you and ruin your enjoyment of these get togethers if you don't.

I knew someone who would ALWAYS order the most expensive items on the menu when we would be splitting the bill. Managed to call a halt to it by ordering something that incurred a supplement: I put this extra amount into the 'kitty' before the bill was split. Said person's face dropped a mile but they've now changed their behaviour.

It's only awkward once - you'll feel better in the long run

n18lor

It’s simple, pay for what you order for you and your kids.

Jill_Lynch

This sounds like a terrible system. As the one with the most kids I insist on paying more when i go out with friends... if there are 14 of us in total, we divide the bill by 14, then i times that by 5 for my five and friends times it by their party number. We then round our own share up to cover a tip as well. I imagine your friends just havent thought this through, maybe try suggesting a fair split of the bill like my way above, sure the friends with 1 and 2 kids will really appreciate it too xx

k-k-k-katy

It's up to you if you accept it, but it sounds as though you don't want to, so don't. And don't feel awkward, the others really should have suggested it in the first place. Even if they think it trivial, it was bad manners to assume you were willing to contribute to their expenses. It was not their choice to make. Treat it lightly, it isn't a big deal, make it clear you haven't minded previously, but think long-term it would be better to pay per family 'No-one minds if we split the cost per family from now on?'