Talk me down please 2

pollyanna_26

mellymoo74 said:

I'm actually frightened 
Why
In the living room with my dogs
Have put a shout out try to find somewhere to live 

Just lost a long post. You've done the right thing contacting WA. Lots of useful advice there. As a survivor of both mental and physical abuse I can tell you the sooner you're out the better. Different situation for me involving court injuction not to come within 20 miles of my home.  further injunctions and then enduring power of arrest.

Could your brothers take you in until you're sorted? He's been damaging your physical and mental wellbeing for years. Refusing to engage with services that could help him ,wasting money and hoarding etc. You've worn yourself out helping him .

One life Melly love. Live it. Say nothing just make your plan .

pollyx.

thorsoak

Womens Aid is there to help : they may be able to help find somewhere temporary for the dogs and Kevin, even if they have to be separated from you FOR THE TIME BEING.   Your safety is paramount - unless you are safe, you can't help them.  

mellymoo74

Just so tired Pol
I can't leave the dogs and kev with him. As I don't trust him 
Boo is 14, Froo is 11 and Kevin is nuts they are my sanity. 
I love all of them but Tom was his mother's, pickle loves Tom and Tiger is his so they have to stay 

mellymoo74

Can't get through to womens aid or the other one 

elsien

They've had a increase in calls since the shutdown and easter will have made it worse. Keep trying. Have you seen the gov.uk page - there's a couple of phone lines and links to anything local which may be of help.
Remember you can call 999 of you have immediate concerns for your safety. 
No family or anyone you could stay with for now? 

pollyanna_26

As elsien says phonelines are overwhelmed with the fallout from Corona. Being confined to home 24/7 with an abuser has as anicipated increased the calls for help and advice.

Have you read through everything on the WA site? Lots of advice there. refuge.org.uk has really clear info. They also have a 24hr helpline but I don't know if that's operating in the present situation.

A lot of volunteers help these agencies so may be reduced at the moment.

Have you tried phoning WA Solihull branch? That's the centre for Brum. It's showing open tomorrow morning but like everything else at the moment could vary.

Dogs trust and other animal charities usually have volunteers who will care for animals until they can return to their owners when they have somewhere to live.  Boo and Froo probably would struggle with that. Kev's your shadow so probably not good for him either.

Read all the info on those two sites. Pay attention to what to do if your devices are at risk of being monitored.

We don't know if the mental abuse is accompanied by physical abuse . You don't have to say if you are if you don't want to. However you said you're frightened . That could be for a number of reasons when you're about to take a big step. However if you are being hurt physically read and remember The Silent Solution System on those 2 websites. Which enables an operator to contact a police call handler so help can be sent to you.

Hopefuly you aren't in that situation. I kept quiet for years even my mum and family had no idea. The ex played with my head until I thought I was the one who was wrong. However noone sane batters a woman , tries to twist everything she says and blames her because they need to teach her a lesson. He was an alcoholic and as blood tests when arrested proved addict on mind altering drugs but always denied drinking let alone drugs.

Does your friend know what's happening. I know your pretty much on lock down but I hope you're able to keep in touch with her

I cut myself off while living the nightmare but years later a dear neighbour who moved here many years ago told me she and her husband were the ones who phoned the police when they heard him kicking off. I thought there'd been a complaint and was confused if a police officer made a remark about good friends but I had two angels watching over myself and the children.

Take care love. Sorry for the long post.

pollyx

ETA WA Birmingham 012168538687.

mellymoo74

Still alive 
Still can't speak to refuge etc 
Struggling today, feel overwhelmed 

just_trying

Is there no one who can help you? Is the refuge not answering, if not keep trying. Try anywhere for help, council, housing association. If need be phone the police, stay strong you'll get help.

thorsoak

What is stopping you from speaking to the Refuge, Melly?   Can you not get through, or can you not bring yourself to the point that you have to speak to someone about the nightmare that you are living through?    I do feel for you, and wish that there was someway that we could help you more.   Stay strong girl, and find your voice xxx

pollyanna_26

I think you're referring to Refuge the other DA charity I mentioned rather than a refuge Melly. Is it difficult for you to spend much time phoning or emailing as your husband is around? All agencies are very busy so if you can you need to keep trying until someone picks up.

Have you tried Refuge freephone National domestic abuse number 0808 2000 247  email nationaldahelpline.org.uk.

I noticed the doc ,not sure if that's the gp has said your oh isn't in the sheilding group which seems very odd considering his history with hospital admissions and pneumonia etc.

Unless you've since had a letter  to change that to shelding as there can be quite a delay recieving the letter it may be worth checking that/ Probably the last thing you feel like doing but it may stop him panicking about food.

Are you leaving the house at all, not really sheiding but if you don't have symptoms a walk round the block may give you some headspace.

There are special exceptions during the lockdown to help victims of abuse to get to safety. I think one of your brothers may be in Mcr is the other one any nearer?

If your husband is out of control phoning the Crisis team may help but they're overwhelmed too. If in doubt Police. Remember the silent way to do that if needed.

pollyx