I think I know what you're all going to say here but here goes!

mason's_mum

I've been messaging a guy since the beginning of December, we've been on a couple of dates and all seemed well, I felt like I clicked with him in a way that I haven't done with anyone else in 3 years of online dating.

Then he went away with work for 10 days on the second of Jan and contact has been sporadic since, I assumed due to lack of reception/internet/being at work.

Last message was on Friday night before he left to come home asking me what my plans for the weekend were. I messaged back Saturday morning as I didn't pick up his message until then. He arrived back on Saturday morning and I thought things would just pick up where they left off, but he hasn't even read my message (I can see it's been delivered, and I can also see he's been online). I sent another message last night just in case he'd missed it, but that's not been read either. Have I been ghosted?

I don't want to be pushy, if he's changed his mind, or met someone else then that's fine but I feel like I need some sort of closure in order to move on, but I don't know how to get it. I don't want to be that crazy woman that messages and messages and just doesn't take the hint. I thought about calling him, but then he probably wont answer, and something might have happened that's given him a real reason for the lack of contact, so if I start harassing him now then it's definitely over!
This has happened to me before and it's never really bothered me, but this guy's really knocked my faith in my judgement. I absolutely didn't have him down as that type of person, I really thought he was a decent one.

Sorry this is probably incoherent rambling but it helps just to get my thoughts down out of my head - it's been driving me mad all weekend!

thanks for reading! I'll await all the responses telling me don't call or text and just to woman up and get over it!

Accountant_Kerry

tbh I would call him, I cant be bothered with all these types of games and if he didn't pick up or didn't call me back I'd move forward.

elsien

It's only been one weekend that he's not been in touch. Maybe he's got other things on.
Saying you're wanting closure seems a tad OTT for a sporadic date of about a month or so.
Personally I'd leave it a bit longer then call to say if he's changed his mind about seeing you it would be courteous to let you know where you stand

swingaloo

So how many dates? Did you get to know much about him on these dates such as where he lives and works.

Seems odd that he cant be in touch whilst working away. Did you see him over the Xmas and New Year period or did he ask about your plans for New Years eve?

mason's_mum

Thanks for the replies

Elsien, I wondered if I was being a bit OTT, or overkeen but we messaged 2 or 3 times a day most days for a month so I think it's just the change in frequency that is strange.
I'm not a crazy teenager either, I've been single for about 6 years after leaving an 8 year relationship without feeling this way about anyone in that whole time. We seemed to have so much in common but I wonder if I'm wanting too much too soon or coming on too strong?

Swingaloo, we've only been on 2 dates but he shared where he lives, where his parents live, what he does for work, lots of other little details etc. I have no reason to believe he's not who he said he was.
Yes we messaged on NYE (both already had separate plans) and had a date the night before on the 30th of Dec, that's why I'm confused as to what has changed in that time.

swingaloo

Then I would wait for him to make contact now. Only 2 dates over the space of a month is very casual unless you are both very busy people .

I wouldn't chase him no matter how much you like him, you sent the last message and he has not replied so the ball is in his court.

mason's_mum

Swingaloo, we both are busy people, he travels abroad for work for days at a time (I don't want to say too much as it might identify him) so I'm not too worried on that front, we messaged for 2 weeks as I was away with work, then went on a date, he was then away, then another date, then the 10 day trip, then now.
But I won't chase him, I still don't know what's changed but maybe I never will, it all just feels a bit raw at the moment.

SuperPikachu

Well you got it off your chest, now just wait for him to reply or get chatting to somebody else.

onwards&upwards

Very disrespectful to just go silent on you after previously being so keen. I personally think people should be pulled up on their poor behaviour, if you just meekly shut up and go away you’re just letting him think it’s acceptable.

Although make sure he’s not in hospital or something before you tell him off!

Doodles

It sounds to me that he has moved on to be honest. Maybe he met someone else on New Years Eve.

I too find it odd that he can't even text once to say hi whilst he was away on work, given the frequency of texting you have been having. If he missed you, he would have texted.

Sometimes we don't get closure on something and we just have to move on.

Of course there could be a genuine reason but you've made the last couple of contacts and I think you should just leave it now. He'll be in contact if there is a genuine reason and then you can decide what you want to do next.

But he isn't worth you being driven mad by it. You are worth more than being ignored, remember that.

mason's_mum

Onwards&upwards - I completely agree, I think it is very disrespectful, but if he's not reading my messages then I can't even tell him what I think he should have done! (even if only so he can do the right thing next time for someone else)

Doodles, thanks, I agree he's probably moved on, but I don't know why he wouldn't just say so rather than leaving me hanging. - just to clarify, we did text while he was away with work, just not with the same frequency as before. but you are right - I am worth more than being ignored, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment :-(