Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

Loanranger21

I have read every word of your long journey and thus have read of your many ups and downs. I believe you have garnered much support over the years and hope that you will reconsider as otherwise you will deny yourself support from those who know you here and the backstory of your family. Don't put yourself out in the cold from us. xx
ps but of course it is your decision and do what is best for you. 

Savvy_sewing

Thankyou.
 I appreciate all the friends that I have made on here. For many regular posters with practical,helpful, Supportive comments etc
I just am trying to move forward.
 I was very hurt by some words that cut me to the core this weekend. 

Vintage47

Savvy- I think you need to make a distinction and tell us what you are hoping to achieve by posting here. Do you see this as a discussion forum, and advisory service or almost a talking therapy. Your previous posts confuse me as to what you are hoping for. If you want to use the forum as a gentle form of therapy- i.e. letting off steam because you are so isolated and do not have a strong, continuous support network then I think you  should continue and simply ignore the comments that hurt . They are few and far between compared with all the positive feelings .
Why not think of us as your amateur but well meaning therapists. A therapist never gives advice or solutions, but will let the Client talk through all their feelings and find their own solutions. It may not be the solution that the therapist thinks right- but it is the Clients solution and therefore they are more likely to see it through.
Do not  be hurt by others. They may mean well but there is the saying about walking a mile in another man's shoes. Nobody but you knows what you are going through and how it feels.
I noticed your reaction the other day to what you saw as unpleasantness which was to immediately tell us that Social Services, the School etc where now stepping up and onboard. In two to three days? I hope it is true but be prepared for setbacks and disappointment. It takes a long time to turn a tanker round- and that is what what you have- a tanker full of problems.
If you are interested there is a very well known principle in life and business called the Stockdale principle, named after a high ranking American Navy man who spent 8 years surviving in the "Hanoi Hilton" prison camp in Vietnam. A truly courageous and remarkable man who survived by pacing himself ( see my previous post) .It will make for a long post but I will explain it if you think it might help you.
In the meantime, look after yourself.

KxMx

Don't be shy of making use of the ignore feature. 

tooldle

The problem with change being it requires an acceptance of the status quo not being as it should / could be. For people who see views unaligned to theirs as an attack, change will be painful. 
Change is always hard. You may find it helpful to read up a little on 'change Management' as it will help you to understand your natural responses and how these may impede you from moving forwards.
I wish you luck.

Savvy_sewing

tooldle said:

The problem with change being it requires an acceptance of the status quo not being as it should / could be. For people who see views unaligned to theirs as an attack, change will be painful. 
Change is always hard. You may find it helpful to read up a little on 'change Management' as it will help you to understand your natural responses and how these may impede you from moving forwards.
I wish you luck.

I have always been open to change. My whole life has been a cycle of changes.
 I don't need to be told that I am a bad parent. It hurts because I have always blamed myself for them being born with problems. But the parenting of this generation is not based on the parenting of my own children. It's based on research, help from others, and practice.
I used this thread as a way to let off steam as my support network was rather thin on the ground, and I continued after the original help to get funding etc in 2007 when this all kicked off. Then there were many virtual friends who followed and if I didn't post would private message me. So I continued to update my story of life.
it was a diary of my inner thoughts warts and all. It helped me to vent, question, win, celebrate. Catalogue the roller coaster ride with my emotions and finances.
Several posts are missing that moderators remove. So not everyone is very nice.
my own mental health was on the edge at the weekend.
 I just don't need it. I agree that I am not supergran.
 I don't want to be.
 I just want these little people to settle down and eventually trust that this is a forever home. 

tooldle

Savvy_sewing said:

tooldle said:

The problem with change being it requires an acceptance of the status quo not being as it should / could be. For people who see views unaligned to theirs as an attack, change will be painful. 
Change is always hard. You may find it helpful to read up a little on 'change Management' as it will help you to understand your natural responses and how these may impede you from moving forwards.
I wish you luck.

I have always been open to change. My whole life has been a cycle of changes.
 I don't need to be told that I am a bad parent. It hurts because I have always blamed myself for them being born with problems. But the parenting of this generation is not based on the parenting of my own children. It's based on research, help from others, and practice.
I used this thread as a way to let off steam as my support network was rather thin on the ground, and I continued after the original help to get funding etc in 2007 when this all kicked off. Then there were many virtual friends who followed and if I didn't post would private message me. So I continued to update my story of life.
it was a diary of my inner thoughts warts and all. It helped me to vent, question, win, celebrate. Catalogue the roller coaster ride with my emotions and finances.
Several posts are missing that moderators remove. So not everyone is very nice.
my own mental health was on the edge at the weekend.
 I just don't need it. I agree that I am not supergran.
 I don't want to be.
 I just want these little people to settle down and eventually trust that this is a forever home. 

I’m sure we all want you to be settled and happy. I’ve offered my advice, and that is the limit of my input. I’ll repeat my good wishes.

climbthatwallseegar

I have followed SS for over 10 years on this board and it has always been clear to me that she uses this space to vent, record thoughts and describe events impacting her family. I don’t recall her ever really asking for advice. However,  well meaning supporters have offered lots of guidance and this has also left the door open to less friendly visitors to voice their opinions, give ‘advice’ and criticise and judge SS’s decisions. 

There have been plenty of times when I’ve wanted to leap in and tell SS not to follow a specific course of action but I haven’t because I don’t think it’s particularly helpful since that is not why she posts here.

SS, I’m not surprised the deeply unpleasant comments about your parenting affected you. I hope you find a peaceful space to continue talking about your journey on another part of the site. Maybe just pop back here every now and then with little updates if you feel able to.

dangers

I’ll miss your updates but understand the need to go elsewhere. As others have said, please come back periodically and update us on how it’s all going. Your thread is the first I go to when I log on and I will miss it. Take care of yourself and the grandchildren xx

Oscar2020

I lost my old username in the change over but have continued to read the thread without signing up again. Very sorry to read the last week or so horrible posts, not sure which have been deleted but I do know they were very hurtful and totally unacceptable.  Take care SS and please know you will always be welcomed back to up date the people here.